Roll Call 174

What kind of medicine is olanzepine Desoxyn? Is it a sleep medicine?

olanzapine is an antipsychotic, zyprexa

Oh thanks, falcon09. I haven't heard of it

Thanks I feel better after that and yoga. Most of the physical anxiety is gone now, still have some mental anxiety but I'll deal with it

Are you going to get your long awaited cat then as well???

My older cat Esther has another bladder infection. Luckily since she was just at the vets like 5 weeks ago, he let me just pick up another prescription for antibiotics so I didn't have to pay for an appointment and a urine sample. So Esther is back on antibiotics. It was still like $50 but it's better than being a couple of hundred dollars.

Talked to the doctor and my therapist, gonna sleep on it, and if it doesn't get better I'll go to the psych ward tomorrow

Also Amelia came this morning when I called her in for breakfast!!!! I'm so happy she listened to me and came when she heard me calling her. It feels like such a big step.

I hope you feel better in the morning!

Yes I will be, my brother in law is out of the hospital now so he'll be able to take her to the vet since my sisters schedule is too packed with work and stuff to do it so once I get those shot records I can turn them in to management and she can come live with me

I miss the kids but whoever feed the kids the ******** about me can **** off. I’m not angry at the kids but every ounce of me is gonna freak out because now the kids hate me even though I didn’t do anything to them.

I hope she feels better soon and that's awesome about Amelia

Don't know what to do. I have class tomorrow but I'm technically not a student anymore so... I think I should just say **** it.

Worried about my heart and that I'm going to die before age 30. It's an irrational fear but I had to take 0.25mg of clonazepam. Since I haven't taken a benzo in a few days, I think it's ok to help with withdrawal. I'm getting agitated about my weight as well from olanzepine and the cat keeps meowing.

It was worth a try. :/ Hope you'll find a solution soon.

Could you trace it back to a thought or memory? Or had you had coffee?

No I haven't had coffee for 5 or more days, stopped drinking it except on special occasions. But yeah, the thought is a recurring one about worrying about my apartment not being clean enough. It's like I have OCD or something. I get severe panic attacks with disassociation just from seeing something that's not right or clean enough in my opinion. Even though according to other people my apartment is in great condition

Filled up my weekly med box. Gotta stop by the pharmacy tomorrow for some extra refills

The 0.25mg of clonazepam really helped. I took ashwagandha just now and I'm gonna watch Netflix.

My mom said to write down two things that I want to do tomorrow - Which is get back into researching the stock market and watching Netflix. Then tomorrow I'll make another list.

This is all I can honestly do right now. I'm just taking it easy.

Going to buy some microwave popcorn and Coke for later this month so I can have a movie night

Well, good, since you know what's triggering the panic attacks you can try to resolve the thoughts and feelings. Have you had any guests in your apartment since you moved in? Maybe if your sister sees your apartment she can reassure you that the place is clean and tidy enough.

I feel alone and miss the hospital. They were nice to me and I had no responsibilities but to get better.

I'm trying to get better at home but I feel an immense pressure put on me to achieve beyond what is possible for me - Even in a recovering mental state.

It sounds like you have already given up, "beyond what is possible" for you. You haven't really ever depended on yourself for much I don't think. If you could make a step forward, just out of your comfort zone, it would unlock all kinds of choices and possibilities beyond what you currently think. I hate to sound like a broken record but you really do need to cultivate independence to move forward, starting small steps.

Have you ever wanted to buy a car? I've never owned one but cars made a lot of difference in my life when I was young. For me, feeling independent made me climb higher like a chain reaction.

No I haven't since I wasn't allowed to have guests for awhile due to covid. But I have had my apartment inspected and they said it's in excellent condition. I do plan on having my sister over soon since I'm allowed to have guests again

Yesterday was the biggest shytstorm I’ve had in my life since I lost my job 7 months ago.

Edit/// and btw I didn’t have my medicine for 1 day. ONE DAY. I had a lower dose I happened to find but I didn’t have my 3mg.