Roll Call 174

I just visited Newtus’s island she’s got all the fruit....and now I just paid off my moving fees yay!

Woo! Got to sleep in this morning. I feel well rested..

Back from my moms. It went fine. Omg those hot dogs were incredible. She made fresh pico, too. Chips, pickles, etc. yum!

Anyway.

Started taking vitamin C again

Have a dentist appointment tomorrow. Glad I have klonopin because otherwise I'd be having a panic attack during it.

Trying to think more positively. I've slipped back into my negative thinking patterns lately and want to change that.

Going grocery shopping tomorrow before my appointment.

admitting to hospital tomorrow, got things cleared up with my family

Going for a hike. I brought the clonazepam with me incase I get depersonalization/derealization..

It's a really nice sunny day not too hot. Mountain cool.

Another person having a baby...omg... when I tell you it’s every month someone else, on my Facebook, have a first or second or third child.

Severe baby fever

Proud of myself, had a healthy dinner. Baked salmon filet with peas

I’ve been holding to thoughts for a long time of something that has bothered me for years and I’m finding myself almost bursting wanting to vent somewhere about my identity. You guys are friends. This forum is pretty anonymous.

I follow groups online about gender issues and I’ve been honest with them and they totally understand but I feel like I want to spread out. I’m not prepared to be open with my family or with Facebook or anything.

I’ve always been confused about my gender identity and I’ve come to realize I don’t feel like any one gender. So I’m finding myself leaning towards non-binary. I’m still me. I’m still fairly femme and I still go by my same name and pronouns so it’s like nothing has changed but I don’t really identify as a woman or a man.

Also I don’t feel that I feel sexual attraction and find myself identifying as asexual.

So there. I feel you folks are pretty understanding and open and not judgmental so I feel pretty safe.

Just like... if you know me on Facebook or Instagram please don’t say anything. Like I said I haven’t said anything on there about this.

I’m going to hide now lmao.

We accept you we will always accept you. It’s no questioning for us!

I struggle with gender identity a ton too! Hugs, we're here for you

I stopped caring so much about my sexuality a while ago. I'm just an entity of the DMT realm.

Did the hike! I feel better it was good exercise =]

Thanks for the support! I shouldn’t worry so much about things but it’s been on my mind for a long while and I had to let it out.

I support you too Cogladaid

I'm so excited because I'm having bacon and eggs tomorrow for breakfast. I haven't had bacon in soooo long. omg it's gonna be good lol

I took 300mg of magnesium citrate. It's supposed to be an OK muscle relaxer. It says on the bottle "Supports healthy muscle function".

Then maybe I can relax enough to watch Netflix - I really need something that does that.

I love bacon. My sister is trying to make bacon and it’ll be done next week.

Researching the newly approved FDA drugs in the past few years.. This is what I do in my free time lol.. Then I look up what Elon Musk is doing + How to properly meditate on another tab..

I think when my account is paid off my college I'm gonna celebrate with a new tattoo. I've been wanting to get more for awhile now.

90 mins until i leave for the hospital

Good luck! Hope you feel better

An absolutely heroic post, Cog. So proud of you. Here is how I relate.

I an exquisitely sensitive and a major empath. I adore being w children. Have always been a nurterer. Have always had closer relationships with women. I use language more often used by women. Yes, I am fairly large, fairly strong, like football, and was a surgeon. Only attracted sexually to women, but so are lots of women.

I am almost exactly like my father in this regard. I have often felt I was more like a woman than many men. Yes, I have a drive, but sex has never been a priority. My ideal woman is a tall, thin, very smart and talented woman with light hair from Sydney. But the part that really attracts me is not physical, it is talent and brains. Kills me every time. But the current version of Sydney Girl is totally married and I am psychotic all the time, so not likely. Oh well...
..

Hugs and love, Cog. You are not alone.

Only took 0.25mg of clonazepam in a week! No phenibut still.

I was feeling a little grumpy this morning cuz my mom woke me up early. Phenibut would help with that but I'm staying away from it for a while.

I see my new psychiatrist at 3pm. I'm not sure what to say.. Maybe just to tell him about my hospitalization, dissociative panic attacks and needing to see the emergency psychiatrist - That he changed my meds and my meds are good.

I'll probably have to tell him about all of my meds. I hope they don't get changed. My mom and regular doctor wants my meds to stay the same.

Feeling a lot of brain fog right now - The coffee that I'm drinking might help with that..