Roll Call 174

1:49am in the hospital. Can't sleep even though I was given an olanzepine. I ate tacos instead.. They said I could have a diazepam but I really don't feel like sleeping right now.

I'm gonna watch the news for a bit, read my book and then try to sleep.

i feel so paranoid

Hey everyone. It's been a while since I've visited the forum. Just checking in and saying HI!!!! 💞💞💞

Slept from 4am-7am. I slept without the diazepam.

Got blood samples drawn. Hoping that I don't panic today - I don't think I will. I see the psychiatrist soon I guess.

I wrote everything down that I need to say - It's not much. My mind is clear right now - Little foggy but the Vyvanse will kick in and they'll give me coffee and breakfast at 8am...

good luck, Aspsragae.

Nicotine is def a stimulant.

Liam, as I have said many times, you and I are almost exactly alike. Finally found someone I trust completely and totally turned ALL med decisions over to him. Much safer, much better for me. Good job!!

Hugs, bud. Sorry.

Getting ready to get on the big choo and go home. Great visit. So good for me to see best pal and his stunning famm. They love me and it warmed my heart.

Hugs to all!! Hang in there, falcinator! It will turn around.

Have you been getting enough sleep lately?

Ordered groceries from Instacart and got brownie mix and the lady said it was buy 1 get 1 free so she gave me another box! I did her tip from 2 dollars to 10 because she was curteous on the chat and totally saved me money!

My doctor says that I need to relax and stop researching things all the time - I need to have "mind candy" like reading traveller stories (He reads detective stories and watches sports cuz he's non-stop intense all day talking to patients and doesn't go home to read medical books and such).

He wants me to be discharged tomorrow and talk with him twice a week or so so I don't have to be in the hospital.

He wants to talk to my mom alone about me - I did something wrong? Lol idk..

He's going to prescribe alprazolam twice a day (Or clonazepam?) idk... But I said "0.25mg" is good so we agreed on that.. He said it's for short term (I guess to develop neuroplasticity and forget about panicking about panicking).

Things will be ok maybe idk

He said that I did very well by staying out of the hospital for 2+ years. I had a good run...

Welp, the 7.5mgs of didn't help me stay asleep one bit, so I guess I'm stuck at 15 mgs...

I got 3 hours of sleep last night so I'll either panic in the evening when the Vyvanse wears off or sleep early. I hope it's the latterrrr

If 15mg works, good. Better than 30mg right? Then slowly decrease by 3.75mg every 2 weeks .. or 4 weeks.. Whatever it takes..

Take the temazepam.. You'll be ok.. Analyze! But not too much overthinking.. I have to tell myself this too.. I'm caught in a trap...

They put the oldest kid who has special needs into a foster home. Im livid.

Omg maintenance came and walked the apt. How embarrassing cuz I’m not wearing a fckn bra and Fiancé was in bed in his underwear. I’m literally so embarrassed.

Checking out my next two classes....they look doable but each has at least 2 major projects so it’s going to get busy at the end. The profs look cool though....yay!

Don’t they tell you when they’re coming?

They usually do but not this time. I was like “God, dude...”. Since the apt switched management companies they haven’t been the last 2-3 times. And I stood in front of the door to the bedroom cuz fiancé was in his underwear and I’m sure the guy thought I was hiding something but I was just making sure he didnt see fiancé asleep pretty much naked.

That happen to me when when I was in college in my apartment. They came unannounced because they can because technically a dorm. I was in my room and fell asleep but naked after a shower. I woke up with them pounding on my bedroom door. lmao

I'm gonna ask my psychiatrist for lamotrigine.. It can decrease depersonalization dissociation from ketamine so it must work for dp/dr..

Has anyone been on Lamictal? (Sorry if I asked before - I forget).

Right now I'm listening to Elon Musk talking about digging tunnels under LA..

I'm taking lots and lots of breaks from mental activity by taking a walk around in the hospital hallways.

If people judge, I'm a psychiatric patient they can all go to hell lol!

I was on lamictal. It stopped my panic attacks and my bipolar symptoms. It takes a while to get on the right dosage because of the slow titration. Trileptal is what I'm on right now but beats it if it works for me at all. I was off lamictal or like 6 months and the only problem i had was insomnia and obviously Triliptal isn't helping with that.

It's weight neutral and I can't really recall any side effects accept it can cause a rare rash, acne in some cases. It's really weird on the skin for some reason.

I'd check and see if Triliptal can help first. I was going to recommend a moodstabilizer for your panic attacks because I've had no better panic/anxiety meds than my mood stabilzers for some reason. I don't know why that is.

Having a shi77y A $$ morning

Hi guys. Hugs everyone. Seems like lots of people is struggling right now. HUGS HUGS HUGS I'm okay. I finally showered after three days. I consider this a big victory. Few more minutes at work and then I'm done for the day. Gotta go to Target and the post office. Blah. Don't want to spend the rest of the day watching TV but it's probably what I'm going to do. I'm so lazy right now. It's like okay nothing to do just watch TV. I did start reading a book yesterday so that's good.