Roll Call 186

They’re in the oven now

Baking puts me in a good mood

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I realize that the state of mind while hearing voices determines how bad they can be perceived. When I was 16, I thought that it was normal based on how stressed out I was so no big deal.

But solipsistic dissociative ones were hell. "STOP FOR THE LOVE OF **** STOP".. Constant they were one after the other.. on edge of panic is bad too if you have anxiety.

I discovered a new form of solipsism where everyones reality changes individually based on information patterns.. so it's almost a choice - If you decide to look at conspiracies, they can come true.. and I'm just a messed up brain anyways and figure meh my time has come but also there's faith in the Gods to keep going somewhat.

I feel pretty depressed today. I think it's from the new medicine we added. The Buspar.

You're not an idiot!

Rather, you are a thoughtful, caring person.

Buspar = Full agonist of 5HT1A receptors.

"5-HT1A receptor activation has been shown to increase dopamine release in the medial prefrontal cortex, striatum, and hippocampus, and may be useful for improving the symptoms of schizophrenia and Parkinson's disease.[39] As mentioned above, some of the atypical antipsychotics are 5-HT1A receptor partial agonists, and this property has been shown to enhance their clinical efficacy.[39][40][41] Enhancement of dopamine release in these areas may also play a major role in the antidepressant and anxiolytic effects seen upon postsynaptic activation of the 5-HT1A receptor"

"5-HT1A receptor activation likely plays a significant role in the positive effects of serotonin releasing agents (SRAs) like MDMA (commonly known as ecstasy) as well."

Wait quietly for a few weeks while these receptors sensitize!

I have such a bad headache right now

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I feel like I'm dying

Why can't I just chill and watch a movie or read without overthinking everything that I should be doing - Yet I procrastinate those things?

It's hell. I'm sure that it's not anxiety. What could it be? Please tell me if you know.

It could be negative symptoms/poor executive function.

I know the right thoughts that I should be having but I can't just reach up and grab them - And ignoring them are what leads to delusions/paranoia/distress.

I have so much insight that it's stupid.

I just needa calm tf down. I deleted the ****ed up posts.

I'll sleep..

That’s how I feel a lot

It’s usually anxiety for me

Hope you feel better now

Up in the middle of the night

Blah

But I did get some sleep

Thanks, it went away after taking some ibuprofen

Tuned my ukulele, going to practice some later today. Right now I'm just drinking coffee and listening to some relaxing music from Zelda. Just finished up 2 loads of laundry

Rent went up to 1100 dollars a month… two hundred dollars more than it should of been…

Having some anxiety over my meds which the pharmacy is having difficulty getting approved. I have a months supply so I should be able to get this all straightened out in plenty of time. Still, it's worrisome. pe

I had a good session with my T today and we talked about anxiety. I have a number of things I'm worried about but all of them will work out I'm sure so I just need to let things go. Everything will be fine.

Hope you all have a peaceful day, free of anxiety.

I was feeling on the verge of getting a panic attack. So I stopped what I was doing and did some deep breathing. I still feel panicky but it seemed to have lessened. I'm not entirely sure what I am panicky about.

I feel particularly vulnerable today and fragile. I feel like I am not protected. (Protected from what?) I feel as though I were in need of some comforting.

If I were at home, I would wrap up in my weighted blanket, sit in my lazyboy with the kitty cat, and a beverage, and a book, and a good mystery on TV and that would probably help me feel safer. I'm not at home though. I am at work.

I texted my three support people. One of them got back to me fairly quickly and was a little comforting. I remembered some stuff that Pastor T did with me that was comforting and so I did those exercises. But boy do I just feel really fragile today. It's really tough.

No one knows?? I'll have to take this to reddit. I bet it's a parasite o.-

I need to stop picking at my face. It is going to look terrible.

It's pouring rain, I'm just listening to it and watching some Netflix. Perfect night.

I practiced Oh Christmas Tree on ukulele and also the C major scale, I am going to practice again tomorrow and maybe add in What Child Is This. I'm looking forward to uploading some videos of me playing on Facebook for the holidays when they come around

My best guess is that it's the habit loop.

What I mean is you might be addicted to thinking you should be doing those things, yet when you begin to do them, you start overthinking it. Then that persuades you to stop. It's the craving mind, I think. Perhaps you're craving a different state of mind through reading or watching a movie. Yet when you start reading or watching a movie you begin thinking "I shouldn't be doing this" or something like that.


This, of course, is conjecture. But that's what sometimes occurs with me.

I'm feeling anxious about taking the Buspar. Anyway, does anyone have any tips on trying a new med?

I feel like the Klonopin controls my anxiety well. So then why would I go off of Klonopin onto Buspar?

Is it just cause Klonopin can cause dependence and stuff?

I am genuinely curious. I am kind of just thinking out loud here.

I'm having bad anxiety right now, Idk if it's because I missed my injection a few days ago and it's a side effect of doing that or what

I'm very dependent on dextroamphetamine and my psychiatrist knows this but as long as I'm taking it as prescribed, it's ok.

I think the dependency is preventing addiction cuz if I take double a dose or more, I'd have to skip one or more days (Which I absolutely can't do or else I'd get severe withdrawal + combined with the antipsychotic, I'd get movement disorder problems like akathisia and dystonia).

A student doctor told me "Be aware that the stimulant can cause dependency" when he prescribed Dexedrine instead of Vyvanse and I was like "I know.." and the main doctor laughed and was like "He's been on these stimulants for many years - You don't need to bother".

Eh.. Sorry I'm getting a little dissociated I will continue this after the olanzepine kicks in.. I forgot to take it..