Roll Call 191

Went to bed feeling good. This morning I took meds and lay in bed for a while. I made a coffee - Not sure what to do.

I had the craziest most psychedelic dream that I've ever had. It was about a guy using a very potent research chemical in a vial that blows air on his finger.. He hooked up his mind to a TV and I saw it all - I also saw parts of it in his eyes.

I was afraid that it would effect my heart if I took it - But I did it anyways and it happened to me too - But for only 15 seconds.

I thought to myself, that was all in my dream.. It was the most fascinating visual experience that I've ever seen - And it all came from my mind.

The Wellbutrin makes me so aware of my dreams.. It's like I'm more alert while dreaming and I remember them when I wake up.

I cleaned the house cuz my dad is visiting. I picked up meds.

I walked into town and realized how paranoid I am of people (Forgot to take phenibut) - I hate when people are walking towards me or when a car waits for me to cross the street (Agony when that happens). I try to avoid those situations or walk in places where there isn't many people.

I threw out all my meds last week. Oops.

Got a new doctor now. Going to stay on them now.

I think I was relatively good off the Klonopin, I didn't cold-turkey it, but I was on like 0.5 mg of it today. That is after being on 1.5 mg per day. And I haven't been taking modafinil either. Finally felt rested this morning.

I just want off of the benzos. I took some Xanax XR later on today - now am regretting that.

My dad's birthday was March 1

Hugs jdna…it was just my moms bday too…..

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i got a new job that pays well and has good benefits so im very glad about that and having income again. and not sitting in my house by myself for weeks on end losing touch. i wish i could talk with my therapist but i just have to wait i guess.... i cant help but feel like hes angry and retaliating against me. its really painful to deal w emotionally and think back on the past 12 yeras working with him, its really tough to let it all go i guess. such a strange relationship therapy is..... if someone were to ask, i dont know if id recommend it

Doing better now. I got a relatively low-paying part-time job.

Trying to still get a full-time job, but it's difficult.

HUGS WA It can certainly be a challenge!

Got a shower this morning. My plan is to get a shower on Friday morning before my sister and family get there and then get a shower on Monday because they should leave on Sunday. With an extra 7 people using my bathroom it will be hard to get in there. I think that sounds reasonable. I showered Sunday. So Sunday, Today. Friday. Monday. I think that's pretty darn good.

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Hello, I'm feeling less anxious and paranoid. I've been listening to music almost nonstop for 3 days with my headphones on to block out my own thoughts and everything else.

I have been walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes each day. Tomorrow I'm taking a walk to CVS, then getting on the treadmill for 45 minutes when I get back, then taking a walk to Family Dollar. So I'll probably get at least 5 miles in tomorrow.

That's beautiful SP!

Got to walk at a park this weekend and today….I feel so much better…..glad you’re walking too….

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Thanks bluebird it was inspired by 12 am…..

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That's really cool. I want to do start doing some artwork again too but I haven't been motivated to do that lately. I've been highly motivated in other areas of my life the past few days though. I've been getting up early, staying out of bed, doing things. I did laundry the other day and I washed my sheets today. I was supposed to have an eye doctor appointment this morning but they called me to reschedule because the doctor called out sick today. So I have a new appointment on the 16th. I can't wait to get a pair of replacement glasses so I can see, I'm nearsighted

I bought a 16oz Reeses chocolate peanut butter Easter bunny. And I got some pastel Easter M&Ms, and Mounds and Almond Joy bars

I've been sticking to eating 1200-1300 calories a day for the past week, but I am allowing myself to have treats now and then, just I try to work it into my calorie goal. I was eating under that before and it wasn't enough I guess because I started feeling weird and dizzy.

I haven't had Mounds or Almond Joys in so long and they're so delicious

Can you tape your old glasses? I know it’s meganerd but still.

I haven’t done much art lately myself, but I felt inspired.

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1200 is really the safe minimum…..

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Nice picture SP! Very pretty.

Have you or Blue_Bird or anyone else seen the Crayola watercolor crayons? I ordered a box. It's really fun. You draw/color whatever you want with the crayons and then go over it with water and a watercolor brush. It looks really cool! I ordered a pack for me and a pack for my niece. It's really cool. HUGS Kit

I threw the side of the frame that broke off away already. But that would have been a good idea. I will do that if I ever for some reason have a broken pair in the future. I stupidly fell asleep in them and rolled over on them and they broke.
I'll have to be more careful this time. I'll be alright in the meantime. The only annoying thing is I can't see any of the aisle labels? in the grocery store, so I don't know what's in what aisle. But nothing on my list for my next grocery trip is from an inner aisle of the store so I can find it easily.

Cool…I’ve got watercolor pencils but haven’t heard of the crayons.

Thanks!

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Yeah, I think I was eating like 850-900 before. But I increased it back to around 1300. Which is still a lot better than what I used to eat which was anywhere from 2,000 calories a day or more, plus I wasn't physically active at all before either

Haven't heard of them but they sound cool! Hope you all enjoy them

The past few days is honestly the most I've been out of bed in many months

I was spending 98% of everyday laying down and not leaving my room or apartment

I'm not feeling paranoid that people are watching me, talking about me, and trying to get me kicked out

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