Roll Call 192

I hope SlumberKitty is okay

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I cleaned up my room a ton. I think I am more organized on the 15 mg Zyprexa. Anyway, going to stick with it for now. Not doubting what the doctor says anymore.

Also, yeah, me too.

Got on the treadmill for 30 minutes

It had been like a month since I had got on it.

I was gonna do an hour but I don't have that endurance/stamina at the moment. I will build back up to it. I'm reading a book about healthy habits, and one of the things it says is you should be at least 90% sure you can stick to a goal/habit you make, and if you're not then that's not a realistic goal and you need to change it to be more reasonable. I'm not 90% sure I can do an hour on the treadmill everyday so I changed my goal to 30 minutes three times a week, because I'm at least 90% sure I can manage that. I can always do more if I want or feel up to it but that's my main goal for now

SK is OK and will be back next week.

That is a great way to manage goal-setting! I will have to try that out.

I got some cleaning done today and also did some other exercises in addition to the treadmill (reps with my 8lb weights and squats with my resistance bands). Now I'm sore and very tired. Also finished reading a book. Spent some time outside too.

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I went for a long walk while listening to a good podcast (Lex Fredman on existentialism). I decide to live...

Cuz if you're in a hotel room and say "This room sucks", you explore other rooms - And I can't know everything - Although traumatic things about reality makes me think I do..

But we know nothing about the universe... Nothing is really the same - Everything is just an idea... patterns.. All a big puzzle that we are in...

I plan to exercise more. I should try mountain biking this Summer, on my own (Cuz I have no one to go with..) but I can go hiking with my mom and her friends.. I want to start running too.

I'll see my psychiatrist next week.. I'll up the Wellbutrin to dopamine reuptake inhibition levels (Instead of just norepinephrine) and switch completely to Dexedrine.

On the podcast, they were talking about certain chemical states of mind.. "Do you want to live or commit suicide?" would be the question to a person with severe depression, and he/she would say "It doesn't matter" - Deep bad state of mind.. I was in similar to it yesterday (Because of weed) -

- So I'm gonna quit weed and alcohol for a year (Random time limit that I'll stick to). I don't need these drugs anyways. They do nothing good for me. I only smoked weed to concentrate and have more self/world-awareness. But it turns me apathetic, unmotivated, parkinsons.

The alternative was mentioned as, "Hits of dopamine from simple pleasures in life - Over even mundane things" like "Noticing my glass of water is very cold, taking a sip, wonderful" - That's how I am sometimes... I feel like the stim dose change would bring out a placebo on top of actually increasing dopamine.

Then I'll lower the Invega Trinza during the next appointment after this... I think I really, honestly -... don't need it!

We'll be driving back home - I'll visit my little sister and then we go. Back to the mountains and rivers/lakes....

I played music with a friend today for the first time in a while and it was fun.

I want to sleep but day too long

I'm going to the food pantry tomorrow, I haven't been in a couple years but I'm running really low on food, like I barely have anything and I only have $5 in cash at the moment, I'm not gonna last till my food stamps come in next Sunday

It’s pretty convenient that the pantry is 500ft exactly from my apartment, takes under 2 minutes to walk there. I’ll go around 8:20am

Actually my Foodstamps don’t come in until the 2nd which is next Monday, so I really need to go.

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I just threw up, I feel horrible, I need to stop the birth control right now, because it's making me so sick. I used to be on it years ago and I had no problem with it, the exact same med. My body must have changed in that time or something because now it makes me extremely nauseous and disgusting feeling and projectile throw up, I gave it one more chance now I'm done, I'm not putting up with this

HUGS Blue_Bird. that sounds really sucky

Hi everyone. I'm back. Sorry I wasn't here last week. At the beginning of the week I had too much work to do from being off of work for a week. Then about midway through the week I was having catatonia. So I was really messed up for a while. But I am feeling better and back at work and doing okay. Sorry I didn't at least check in, just wasn't really doing well at all the middle to end of last week.

I got all caught up on the roll call!

Hey Blue_Bird, when you get Maybelle you may need to introduce her to Stash slowly. Like keep Maybelle in your bedroom with the door closed for the first day or so and let them sniff each other under the door, and then switch and put Stash in your room and let Maybelle check out your apartment and then slowly introduce the two. That's what I had to do with Amelia and Helen Rose and they still aren't good friends. Helen Rose is curious of Amelia but Amelia is FREAKED OUT by Helen. I think because Helen tries to get up close to her to check her out. So Amelia darts away. Amelia is really skittish though. Plus Maybelle is older right and Stash is still a kitten so Maybelle might be like, you're too frisky for me. Slow and steady is the way to go when introducing two cats to each other. I hope they get along great and become bestest friends.

I missed you all so much!

So Sunday coming up, the 1st, I am doing a presentation at my Church (both services) about Compassion International (which is a charity that I really support, I sponsor 17 kiddos in 10 countries! and I have volunteered with them before and stuff!). So they sent me 15 children packets and I am supposed to try to get all 15 kiddos sponsored. I have my presentation written out and Saturday after the food distribution at Church I will be setting up my table and props for Sunday. I'm just really nervous. I am also nervous that I am going to do this and then no one will want to sponsor anyone! I am going to be praying over each kiddo's packets that I have to hopefully get them sponsored. I am going to take a picture of each one and send them to a friend and ask her to pray too. I'm really nervous. I haven't had to do a presentation since grad school and I graduated in 2016 with my Masters! So yeah, It's been a while. Super nervous!

Passed a stone today….

Monday I am going to Disneyland wtih my friend Yvonne! She lives in Arizona and she is coming over on Sunday and she will stay with us until Tuesday! I am looking forward to going to Disneyland because I haven't been since July 4th/5th last year!

Did it hurt?

No but there is some blood…kinda worried.

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HUGS! I hope everything is okay.

Bummer my friend cancelled on me for Disneyland (or rather I cancelled with her. She got sick and was like, I still come but we don't know if it is Covid and I am not willing to risk my 70 year old Dad's health and my 68 year old Mom's health and my friend is unwilling to take a Covid test). So now I can't go until August 23rd because that is when the parks had availability. Oh well. It will just be hot but it will still be fun.