Roll Call 193

I kind of just want to no show tomorrow with the old pdoc. I know I'll get charged, but...

I wish I were there!

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Not sure if the olanzepine kicked in but I do feel more stable. I cooked some eggs, listening to EDM.

Little hypomania from 300mg of gabapentin. My psychiatrist wanted me to titrate up to 900mg but 1/3 possibly can replace the phenibut. I'll let him know. Phenibut basically stopped working anyways.

I'm trying.. sorry ^-;

I wanna switch from olanzapine to risperidone. I remember when I took risperidone in the past it controlled my symptoms without causing so many side effects......

I think it's gonna be an all nighter. Stash is in her heat cycle again. Not gonna be able to sleep through all the meowing. Thankfully the 16th isn't far off and she'll be spayed and it will be completely over

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Maybe talk to the psych tomorrow. All hope is not lost..

Risperidone was my first antipsychotic. 1mg = No effect. 2mg = Took away auditory hallucinations but made me so tired...

Olanzepine also used to make me tired but not anymore..

@Desoxyn just a general word about conspiracy theories in general, I wouldn't ascribe too much truth to them. I hope you'll feel better soon.

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Going grocery shopping tomorrow. Then exercising. Then cleaning my apartment.

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After her surgery and my 3 dentist appointments this month I'm finally applying for a part time job at the library. Then I can work for awhile while I save up to pay off the rest of what I owe my school and then re-enroll

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I know.. I know..

But it's mostly corruption (Not conspiracies..). I don't care for the bizarre ideas - But instead, the hidden connections, taking all sides of information and critically thinking for myself..

I have a lot of empathy, I'm aware.. Just when I look at the TV now (Or any entertainment), it all seems like propaganda and manipulation.

I just want to know the truth.. I'll try to not make a big deal about it..

Even though to others it may not seem like I've made any progress over the last couple of years but I have made a lot and am proud of myself.

I used to barely leave the house or socialize. I used to not take care of hygiene. I used to be paranoid all the time etc I didn't exercise. Made hardly any effort to eat healthy.

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Yeah, I will probably not talk to him just because he's not going to be reasonable with me. I know I have nothing to lose in going to the appointment but he's not going to ask me like, "What meds do you want to be on?" He's just going to push his agenda.

I want to be on risperidone plus the antidepressants plus aripiprazole. That's it. Reasonable doses, too. I am on a high dose of Effexor (over the limit).

Risperidone got me through the majority of college.

I don't know. I have another pdoc appointment on Thursday. So if I don't go to the one tomorrow I always have the one Thursday, who is a different person than my old pdoc, and perhaps the one on Thursday will listen to my concerns about being on 6-7 psych meds.

Anyway, it's not cool going back and forth all the time about this stuff. It really gets me.

I know I probably seem silly for making all these appointments. But I want someone to actually listen to me!

Sorry - I'm so used to seeing my psychiatrist once every 3 months. I know that people get to see them more often + Different ones.

It's hard for me to make appointments lately cuz every time I want to make one, it's Friday (An hour too late) or Sunday.. Like now..

I am listening though... I forget a lot of things though my mind is so scattered ^-;

I can only imagine how much the decision making frustrates you - There was a disorder about indecision that I found and wrote here (I forget the name of it) - But I think that it means the same sort of thing that I'm dealing with. It's stressful + stress makes it worse..

But it will get better (I say this as a form of good luck)

I work tomorrow at the cash job (And I have the energy to do it!). It's good..

So after my manic episode and kind of settling down a little bit I had the revelation that I need to do and be better. Idk.

Well I've been up for over 24 hours now. I want to sleep but I can't because of Mustachio

HUGS that must be so hard! I'm glad her surgery is only 10 days away. Hang in there. It will get better. How is Maybelle adjusting? Did you have a nice birthday?

I got really freaked out yesterday with my parents being gone. I had panic attacks in the shower. I took some alprazolam to calm down. Then I went to Church. I was still anxious. But my parents got home around 1 PM so that wasn't too bad. I was exhausted so I took a one hour nap after they were home. It is so much better now that they are back. I am anxious this week with my big bosses being here. Tomorrow another boss is coming for three days. EEK. I am probably going to take Lybalvi in a minute to stop all the craziness in my head.

Thank you, Maybelle is doing well. She's a little annoyed though because Stash keeps following her everywhere and bothering her lol. Maybelle just wants to be left alone.

I had a really good birthday

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Glad to hear!

My therapist advised me to come up with a resolution or action plan for those around me for my manic episode(s). Crazy.
I haven’t had mania in a long time.
It was a good feeling… while it lasted.
Now I don’t know what to think. I think some of it was grandiosity and delusional, but some of it not so much.

Jesus I about had a panic attack. Someone rang my doorbell and I was sure it was someone coming to complain about Mustachio but it was just my friend asking if I wanted any hamburger meat.

I’m having a few glasses of wine and trying to distract myself from the meowing

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Just wanted to share my new cartilage earring, it’s a music note.(not a new piercing just a new earring for it)


My piercing aftercare spray came today so I’ve been using that on my nose piercing


Taking the picture down in about 30-45 minutes

Yeah, it's like a form of self-doubt, I think. Luckily I am trying to help myself, and at least I am aware of the decisions I make, so I could have it worse.

I want to be able to accept it. It's not easy.