Roll Call 193

Ate a lot of food.. I don't feel hungry but my mind feels empty..

I want to escape this life

Edit: I need sleep. So much sleep.

I think the only possible way that I can lower the AP's could be by also lowering the stimulant. So if I want to lower AP, I'll have to do that.

It might not work but might as well try.

Idk. I remember being on just the Invega injection and I wasn't doing well.

So I’m talking to an “ex” and he told me today that after me he was going to swear off dating men and I said “Thank you… damn, I didn’t know that I had that impact.”
Life is strange.
So… anyway, I also went with my Alzheimer’s stricken grandmother, grandfather, and aunt to a social event in my hometown. I yet again had some grandiosity.
Idk. I really liked talking to my ex at my house. He cried in front of me and was very vulnerable. We did some touchy feely. No kissing.
Sometimes I wonder if I should post here or the bipolar board.

So I’m not gonna see my psychiatrist until Tuesday. I imagine he’s going to up my Seroquel to help with the residual mania. I still feel as if I made it up.
Hell.
Maybe he will prescribe a PRN but what is even left? I’ve already taken Rexulti, Geodon, Zyprexa (HATED this one - made me gain weight and lose motivation), Abilify… I guess Risperdal is left, but he & another provider said they prefer to avoid that one for different reasons.

I’m struggling with paranoia and reality tonight even though I had a great day. Idk.

I wasn’t able to sleep at all last night. So I’ve been up for 24 hours now, frustrating

I’m going to the movie theater with my friend tonight

Getting my septum pierced in a couple weeks to celebrate 6 months of eating disorder recovery

I have an apartment inspection on Monday. Kind of stressed about it. I really don’t get why I get so stressed every single time even though every single time it goes perfectly fine.

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As of today

I remember during school I got nervous before every test or quiz or whatever. I guess what helped me was preparing (in your case, just maybe tidy up a little bit and don't stress over it, I know it's easier said than done).

I know for myself, I would always beat myself up after those tests or stressful school things saying, "why was I so anxious for that?" but the key is not to beat myself up for things like that, because the anxiety is real.

I guess the way to confront those feelings for me is to just tell myself self-compassionate things. Like that I am enough even if I fail something.

Thank you WA! I'll try to do that

I can't focus today.

I should switch to one of those new antipsychotics.. Rexulti?

I know that long term INVEGA, especially.. It'll cause neurodegeneration.

The Dexedrine should kick in and make me forget about this. It's horrible to deal with this situation.

**** I think the only proper thing to do would be to ask my psychiatrist about SP's idea. I'll have a talk with him in 6-8 weeks. I'll write stuff down.

christ

Septum piercings are RAD!

Congratulations Blue_Bird!!!!

Thanks! and yeah I think septum piercings are awesome too, I can't wait to get mine done

I liked Rexulti tbh it helped a lot with paranoid ideation and overthinking
My new psychiatrist seems to really like Caplyta - I think he said it works differently than other APs?

I don't know much about Caplyta but it's supposed to be a negative symptom antipsychotic - I wanted to try it for a while but was just waiting until it was available and forgot about it.

It's similar to Haldol except good for depression - Could have less side effects idk.

Edit: "Lumateperone is a serotonin, dopamine, and glutamate MODULATOR with the potential to treat schizophrenia with few adverse effects"

"Specifically, lumateperone acts as a potent serotonin 5-HT2A receptor antagonist, a dopamine D2 receptor presynaptic partial agonist and postsynaptic antagonist,10 a D1 receptor–dependent modulator of glutamate, and a serotonin reuptake inhibitor."

So it's similar to clozapine but chemical structure like haldol

It blocks 5HT2A receptors as much as clozapine but less D2 receptors than clozapine.

My focus has been zapped back into existence. It shouldn't be that dramatic but that's how it is..

It's a down day. I haven't spoken to my mother in a very long time. She's just not in her room much.

I keep forgetting everything. But trivia from the past just pops in my head, it's kind of laughable.

I forgot what I was going to post.

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Has anyone had the novovax COVID vaccine? I don't think it's been available yet.

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Man I would take that….most things don’t touch glutamate.

I wouldn't take any more vaccines that are from a dead/phased out (COVID-19) variant personally.

Edit: They must be variant specific! Like the yearly flu vaccine..

I keep having dreams with my ex who I have rekindled with…

I went to bed at 5am, and woke up around 5pm from multiple naps. Wtf.
Im fasting now in an attempt to reset my circadian rhythm.

My feel so drained