Roll Call 193

That happens to me with dissociative anxiety. When I was in the hospital 2020, my sister was watching me eat - And I didn't know how to eat. It was that bad!

But... I hope you feel better soon. Less quality sleep = Worst thing for mental health. Maybe take a break tomorrow - A lazy day.. Sleep in.

You've been doing really well, give credit to self ^-

One thing I’ve noticed is I can elevate my mood missing a little sleep but too much is dangerous. It can be helpful to know this if you’re starting to get depressed but use it sparingly.

Thanks Desoxyn and SP

I think I may take a break tomorrow. I’ve been ultra productive the past two weeks with exercising, cleaning, getting things done, sleeping less, etc but I’m kind of worn out now.

I might actually take tomorrow through Saturday to rest because tomorrow I have a therapy appointment, the day after that I’m getting my nose pierced which is sort of anxiety inducing (not the pain, I used to have my nose pierced so I’m not worried about that, I just mean going into the tattoo shop with my social anxiety), my birthday is Saturday and I feel like I should/deserve to take it a little easier. I’ll get back on track Sunday.

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I want to live in the moment.. It's what I really want. I'm sick of thinking about my past. Tired of worrying about the future.

I just don't want to lose the psychedelic/spiritual thoughts.

So I'll finish reading the Ram Das book "Be Here Now" - That is my goal today.. Might sit outside and do it.

I have so many things that I could do - But just coming up for air in life. I can't give up on myself. Cuz what awaits around the corner, I sense... are good things.. I'm not safe just yet though.

Have I become insane.. like everyone else. Maybe.

But it's ok.. We have a long road to go.

The crystal structure prism that reflects the light of our souls.. We are to search gracefully, peacefully, lovingly - With some sort of enlightenment, humour is good for me too.

Any questions or criticisms let me know. I will be happy to help.

HUGS Desoxyn. We will go on the long road together.

I am not feeling well today. I am starting to feel suicidal and wanting to self harm. Ugh. I am supposed to go to Church tonight but I don't think I am going to. I don't feel like socializing.

Sorry Kit <3

Don't let the low feelings suck you in.. I often sit in them when I don't have any energy/feel anxious, paranoid/unmotivated.

Text/phone someone that you know well who can give some insight or talk here..

Self care can help. Maybe you just need to be alone for a while - We're always here. I spent last night watching Netflix (Which I haven't done in a while) - I pull away from bad habits... But there's something in the air. In a way, people are surviving. That's a part of the reason I want to enjoy the moment peacefully and not worry so much/overthink.

It will get better - All matter of perspective. We're alive for a reason, we have a destiny. Don't give up hope (I was told this by many good people).

There's a rat experiment where it was put into a glass tube with water (20 minutes to drown) but if the rat is taken out of the tube, dried off, pet.. - then put back in the tube, it's lasts ~40+ hours... I know that sounds super morbid but that's what hope does... Taking breaks, self care etc..

My mom and her friend are sitting outside in the sun. I will join them. I went for a hike yesterday but didn't feel like going today - I need some time to be alone (Introverted) so I can recharge...

I felt OK then ate something + a shot of rum, went outside and felt really tired. Then my mom phoned my dad and he seemed mad - He said to get a drivers license (I've been procrastinating this - Cuz I feel like my life will go no where) but I'll do it... My sister wanted to get out and did it - My mind is everywhere and can't prioritize. I'm harder on myself than anyone - So all I need is for people to calmly direct me cuz anything can set me off at this point. I had to leave my mom and her friends cuz they talk about things like their hair for 15 minutes straight I can't take things like this. I really don't understand the point of reality right now after having DP/DR lol..

My sister gave me $75 for my nose piercing, I was gonna pay for it myself but she said that could be my gift, so that's really awesome!

Very very interesting

Awesome! What a great sister! Is your nose piercing today or tomorrow?

BTW, Happy Early Birthday, Blue_Bird!

Thank you SK And I'm getting it done tomorrow. On Saturday my sister is coming over to drop off some takeout for me (buffalo wings, French fries, bubble tea)

I woke up earlier today with a migraine and threw up several times in a row. Not a great way to start the day.

Took some ibuprofen then went back to bed for awhile, woke up feeling better. I still have a slight headache but it's not pounding like it was and I'm not nauseous from it anymore.

Have an appointment with my therapist later

My niece's 17th birthday is tomorrow, I sent her a $25 Starbucks e-gift card, she likes going to Starbucks a lot, so she appreciated that. She is going to her school's prom on Saturday evening. Hope she has fun I also have a cute little birthday card I'm giving her and am gonna get some chocolates to give her too this weekend since she likes chocolate a lot

I can't decide if I am feeling better today. I think I need to get more into the day to find out. I stayed home from Church last night but I admitted to my friend who leads the group that I was isolating. I also told my parents what was going on. Not that they were particularly helpful, but at least they knew. I'm wavering on texting my T to let her know about my feelings of the past couple of days. Her response likely won't be all that helpful. She'll do the mushy gushy thing and the I wish I could make it better for you thing and I don't think that is what I want. But I don't know what I want. I just want to feel better.

That's very kind and thoughtful, Blue_Bird!

Ugh, migraines suck. I hope your headache goes away.

That sounds wonderful!

Thank you, Desoxyn!

I hope you feel better soon SK

Hugs SK….

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Anyone watch the newest season of Stranger Things yet? I finally got a new Netflix subscription so I’m gonna watch it soon. I have to re-watch the first couple seasons though because I completely forgot everything that happened

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