Roll Call 198

I decided I’m gonna start keeping a list on my notes app on my phone of every good, happy, nice, awesome things throughout the year

For example, it can be as simple as “discovered I really enjoy eggplant, or I had a nice cup of coffee with a friend today, or I woke up and took a shower even though I wasn’t feeling up to it.

Just a ongoing list of all the positives whether big or small over the course of a year then look back at it when the year is over and remind myself of all the good moments/times etc I had over the year

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Sounds like a good idea, Blue_Bird!

Yoga class went well

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Didn't get a shower last night so I'll have to do it this afternoon between work and Church. I really need to wash my hair. I hate washing my hair.

I hate washing my hair too. Mainly because I spend too long trying to rinse my hair. When the staff members help me, they rinse really fast.

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I'm making ranch seasoned bone in skin on chicken thighs tonight with asparagus

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I started taking the klonopin 3 times a day like I’m supposed to. Morning afternoon and night. I’m tired. But at least I’m not dissociating today

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Oh no!! D;

Remember.. the benzo... and what it does, when taking every day (Like what's happening to WastingAsparagus).

I know doctors say "You can take every day", but still, I'd take it "As needed/PRN" (But just more often, more relaxed rules - In that way, yknow?)

^-; It's good to have a good break from dissociation, but not too long..

For me, I was given "0.5mg of clonazepam 4x a day" and "lorazepam 1mg 1-2 times a day PRN", and I said to the psychiatrist "Take me off all of these..". It wasn't too late... I had no withdrawal. I was only 18 years old, but I watched YouTube videos of people withdrawing, and I was horrified lol..

I told my current psychiatrist, "Change the 0.5mg clonazepam to 0.25mg" (And I'd use these for bad DPDR dissociative panic attacks - Before the olanzepine).

But he also said "When you're feeling super agitated, just take a clonazepam - It's okay to do that" - So that's what I do.. 1-3 times every 2 weeks or so.. No problem.

Okay, I will take it just PRN now, I just can't stand the dissociation, it happens almost every single day now and lasts for hours

Yeah mine lasted for hours as well.. People usually have 10-20 minute panic attacks. It's difficult to explain to people, that it can last for hours...

My longest was 5 hours (In the hospital - In 2020).

I never had a panic attack where I didn't have a benzo - Otherwise idk what would have happened. I Googled this.. , and panic attacks are possible to last for 24 hours.

But yeah, you can take up to 3 a day at least, should help you worry less =] Cuz doctor said that it's okay.

I went to Montana’s (bbq chain restaurant in Canada) for all you can eat ribs. I ate like 2-1/2 racks of ribs lmao. I’m proud of myself though because I wasn’t worried about food when I was doing it.

I am so full though. But I did it!

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Hi everyone. Sorry I've been out of the loop. I am doing fine. Just stressed a little bit cause no one (except maybe my therapist) gets it. To have a mental illness and still live in the world. It's hard. Anyway. Came back just cause of that. Cause you guys do get it.

And yeah, with respect to the Klonopin, I'm doing better, I am down to 2.5 mg (which is still a lot) but I was on 3 mg of it. Anyway, my goal is to get to 00000000000000000000000000 milligrams of it.

I just hate meds sometimes. I know I need them. But Klonopin is one of those slippery slope meds you know. I mean it's hard. Sometimes it's necessary to take. Sometimes it's not. So who knows really.

I'm also not convinced I need to reduce the Klonopin either, so that's why it's hard.

Regardless, I'm going to try to get off of it or at least go down on it.

WastingAsparagus it’s good to see you!

Cogladaid: great job with the ribs, ribs are sooo good

Desoxyn: thanks for the advice, and it’s nice to know that other people experience panic attacks for hours and I’m not the only one. I remember having one when I was 18 or 19 that lasted 6 hours straight, I was freaking out the entire time, no break , it just wouldn’t stop, sorry you experience those too

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W.A. Nice to see you! HUGS Kit

Got to see my friend last night who I hadn't seen all month. That was nice. It was at Church so it's not like we talked and caught up but I got two hugs!

My therapist is going on vacation here pretty soon. 4/12 to 4/26 but she said she would still have sessions with me while she is gone. I'm not sure it is a good idea--thought it is her idea. Although maybe she needs the income.

Got a lot done the past couple days in terms of laundry and cooking.

Went to the store today and got some coffee grounds. First time having a coffee in several weeks and man it is euphoric

I stopped at the library and picked up a novel I’ve been wanting to read and some manga.

It’s been a really good day. I just feel great and positive today.

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I feel great because I finally feel like I have a direction and goal in life. I never knew for sure what I wanted to do as a career someday, couldn’t decide on anything. But working with the cats at that agency has made me realize I want to work with animals someday as a career. Like maybe as a vet technician. It’s funny , when I was growing up I wanted to be a veterinarian. I know I’ll never do that; I can’t handle med school. But I can at least become a technician or somebody that works with animals in some way. I took a veterinary technology class in high school and found that very interesting.

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Slept for many many hours. Difficult to do morning tasks. Splashed my face with cold water, drank coffee, chewed nicotine.

The Spring is arriving though. Need more energy.

I see psychiatrist on Monday. I think I'm doing pretty good. I'll just let him ask questions, and I'll answer those.. Keep meds the same.

Still on 5mg of olanzepine, no difference from 10mg.

Thinking of ordering takeout Saturday , want something different than pizza, not sure what. I'll have to see what's in delivering range from UberEats