Roll Call 201

I’m aware of that , I don’t have anywhere near that in the bank and know I’m not supposed to

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I want to exercise on my days off but the treadmill doesn’t work so I’m not sure what I could do. I guess I could use my 8lb weights and resistance bands, and maybe walk outside or do yoga. My leg muscles are already starting to firm up from just 4 weeks at the job. Problem is on my days off I just feel like laying around. I do want to eat healthier and lose weight though.

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Back at my mom's for case management appointment and to see pdoc tomorrow. She's going to be real happy I stopped most my meds.

Idk if you like pan pizza but there is a frozen one called motor city pizza that is soooo good. I had some of that with. A salad today.

I’ll have to try it

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I made an appointment with my doctor about the numbness and pain in my thigh. I’ve had the numbness for over 10 years. I think it’s some kind of nerve damage from cutting there a lot when I was younger. But it’s been bothering me a lot more now, been painful some , not like severe pain but irritating pain, and still feels very numb too. Gotten worse since I started working a month ago. Probably because I’m standing all day. I just want him to check it out and tell me what it is because it worries me.

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This is exactly what it is , it’s probably from the scars/nerve damage from old self harm injuries because I don’t have diabetes (was tested recently) etc. but yeah it’s annoying. It doesn’t affect my walking though which is good

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...20your%20thigh.

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What?? That's so dumb kinda... I can have 150k in assets.

So many people I met in the psych ward, wait until 2am (When their first pay check deposits), withdraw it from the ATM, and then spend it on crack..

On my 15 minute break. Haven’t had my lunch break yet. Will probably have that at 8:30pm

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Having my lunch break now

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Just got home. It’s after midnight. I got off at 11:14 but the first bus never came, the second bus went past me with a sign lit up on it saying drop offs only then finally at midnight a bus came and I was able to get on

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We're really proud of you BB!

Thanks to my deaf cat I got less than 30 minutes of sleep last night. Fell asleep around 3:30 and she woke me up a little while ago screaming her head off to go outside.

By the way I have a pdoc appointment and I totally forgot about my conditional discharge so, uh, depending on her mood I might get a slap on the wrist and a "brighten up" or I might get "the walk" and be back at state for a bit. Maybe I shouldn't tell her I'm not 100% med compliant and relapsed on opiates...

I want a cigarette so bad. Dying for one. Hopefully there will be a smoking break today. And hopefully I'll find it and be allowed to go. (I'm avoiding my shower. They might say I can't go because I didn't shower.) I can't smoke but hopefully they'll let me use my vape. Yesterday they took us to the backyard in the morning. I prefer it to the front of the building.

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But something is up with my lungs. There's still extreme congestion and coughing. I'm afraid I have lung cancer.

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I ordered this alarm clock, looks good, you can set two alarms on it, so that will be a good backup to my phone alarm and it shows the time so that's nice because then I can see the time in my room all the time without checking my phone every time

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0...0?ie=UTF8&th=1

I also splurged a bit at Hot Topic and bought some new clothes

I got a Witcher tshirt (from a game series, show etc I love)
a Zelda tshirt (from the legend of zelda games which I'm a big fan of)
a Demon slayer tshirt (huge fan of the Demon slayer anime series)
a nightmare before Christmas tshirt (love this movie)
and a super Mario sweatshirt (big fan of Nintendo)

I got a $41 discount so the total for everything including shipping was $100 and 83 cents which is good

Thank you! Im proud of myself too. Though I always feel like/am paranoid that I’m not doing good enough at my job but maybe that’s just me being super self critical. It’s not been easy. It’s hard standing for long periods of time just in general because I’m not in shape, and that’s not even in addition to the nerve damage thing on my right thigh. It’s more painful when I’m standing 20-35 hours a week. I was in so much pain when I got home last night. My legs, feet, back, thigh where the nerve damage is. It was hard to even get comfortable enough to sleep.

Thankfully this new position I’ll be sitting in the office there in the back for like half the amount of time I’d usually be standing because I’ll just be doing phone interviews and running orientations which will be a lot more laid back than the cashiering and sales floor stuff. Cashiering etc will just be on the side when I want. So hopefully that helps.

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I’m sorry you’re going through that. Let us know how things go when you’re able to

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I hope you feel better

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I had today off, I slept really really late because I didn’t get to sleep till like 2am. It takes me a couple hours after getting home to wind down and I didn’t get home till after midnight. Tomorrow I work, Thursday and Friday I have off. Then I work Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.

Sunday I have a violin lesson. I didn’t schedule one for this week because I didn’t really have a chance to practice what I’ve been supposed to work on. So I scheduled it out to the upcoming Sunday and am hoping to get many hours of practice in by then. I’m trying to learn how to practice with a metronome. It’s not easy, for me at least. I’m kind of getting the hang of it but I still sometimes play faster or slower than what I set it to depending on the song/tempo. I know it’s key to playing in time /tempo so I’m gonna try to keep working on it and really get good at using one.

I get paid on Friday. It’s my biggest paycheck yet because I worked 25 hours last week. Some of it’s going to my violin lesson, rest is going towards bills and household essentials and food. Some is staying in my savings for emergencies like getting stranded at the bus stop in the middle of the night when the buses stop running which almost happened last night which would have sucked. That way I can just pay for an Uber if that ever were to happen.

I spent a lot on clothes this month but I really needed new clothes (it’s been a few years since I’ve bought new jeans or shirts). So that’s fine. I’m glad I did. It feels nice to have new clothes that I like. I needed to do it now because Im about to be paying all my bills myself. Most of next months paychecks are going towards savings because my rent stipend ends since I’m working now. So I’ll be paying all of my rent myself, my internet bill, phone bill, etc. And social security will be cut from like $915 a month down to like $150-$200 a month which barely is anything. So yeah most of my moneys going towards rent and bills and household essentials, cat food etc. Which is fine. Occasionally I will buy myself something I want though to keep my motivation going like SP recommended. Next month I’m buying a new pair of bluetooth headphones cause mine aren’t charging well.

But yeah anyway, I’m doing well. Trying to maintain self care cause sometimes it gets pushed to the back burner lately. So I’m trying to make time for games, shows, reading, violin, etc when I’m not working. And sleeping when I can. Showering, hygiene. Taking care of my apartment. It’s hard to balance everything but I’ll get better at it.

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Oh yeah, I start training for my new position tomorrow

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My pdoc is awesome. I told her the truth and she kept me there for like an hour discussing things with me but she didn't lock me up. I was so tired though. I had to take some PRN olanzapine before my appointment on top of not sleeping last night. And now it's like 1am and I'm up for the day.

I’ve lost 10 lbs in the past few months. Gone from 182lbs to 172lbs

There are a lot of barriers to the new Covid vaccine but I still recommend getting it asap because the old vaccine is not working anymore. I have Covid now. If you do get it ask for paxlovid. Schizophrenia is the number two indicator for severe covid. The only factor greater is age. You have a three fold higher risk of dying than the general population. However be aware that most drs don’t even know it’s a risk factor at all. I had to really push my doctor to give me the paxlovid. I told her it’s more severe than asthma and she actually listened.