Roll Call 201

Tomorrow is national coffee day so my local coffee/ice cream convenience place is doing free coffee , hot or iced, any size, any flavor, from noon to close. I might go get one. And buy an Apple fritter to go with it since it’s their fritter Friday thing going on too. The Apple fritters are big and only $1.99.

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My pdoc lowered my lurasidone down to 40 mg and I am really feeling the negative effects of that. Trying to lobby him to raise it back up to 60 mg today. I don't get why we lowered it.

I miss volunteering with the kitties. It was always fun seeing all the kitties every week and petting them and playing with them

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Got sick yesterday was having waaaay too much caffeine. I stopped drinking coffee but I was still drinking energy drinks.

Anyway I’m giving up most caffeine now. I’ll have an occasional Coke Zero and tea, but coffee and energy drinks are right out.

So I have a little bit of a headache today. Oh well I’ll get over it.

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Hope you feel better!

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I feel kind of guilty about not volunteering with the cats anymore I wish I could be there to help but it doesn’t work with my work schedule and how flexible they want me to be. It sucks. I feel like the cats need my help more than a stupid store does but someday I’ll go back to volunteering there. It might be in a few years once I’m able to get a better job but I’ll do it again eventually. I just have to work hard at this job and finish college so I can get a better job and more predictable schedule.

I hope I made at least some difference for the cats in the 6 months I volunteered there

Maybe I need to get an actual job working with animals someday in the far future. It’s something I’d enjoy and would be good at. It’s be a hell of a lot more enjoyable than retail.

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I had $10 in rewards with hot topic and they had this shirt on clearance and it was cute so I got it

They've restricted us to our rooms. I'm disgusted. This is why my body deteriorated, being restricted to our rooms. I'm hot and disgusted.

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This is hell. There are at least 3 other people in this room and they're all talking and I just want to shut them up. I do have earplugs but then I can't hear the TV on my phone.

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I’m in so much pain right now from my whole right thigh to knee. I’m so sick of it. All day everyday.

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“High levels of stress and anxiety can amplify your pain. Physical stress and exertion can increase your nerve pain as well”

Idk why I even made an appointment with my doctor or if I should even keep it. He told me what it was a few years ago but I wasn’t standing for hours on end then so I didn’t experience pain then.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...t/drc-20355639

I don’t know how to get relief. It even hurts on my days off when I’m not doing anything because it has been so aggravated by the hours standing the day or so before at work. Maybe I can just ask if it’s okay/safe to take ibuprofen everyday. To just kind of help the pain some. Work has aggravated it so much. It was always numb, sometimes tingly but never painful, but then again I have never been this physically active as I am at this job in my life. I don’t have diabetes I was tested for that. I’m overweight some but had this issue even when I wasn’t. I don’t wear tight clothing. It’s more than likely from all the scarring where I cut all over my thigh and leg on that are when I was younger.

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I am a hyper nut of a fool, for a Master Zen Monk (With over 80 years of experience after having a long, wonderful, lush life).

I know stimulants though other than caffeine.. ~25 different ones. Why? You may ask?... Idk..

Idk.

(Sorry, this post was useless AF). But I'm ok.. I hope you are all well.

Don't ever be ashamed of pain! Cuz working like that, isn't natural (After not doing that for years) - Over time it will get better (Like exercising), trust me. Take as much Advil as you need (400mg every 4 or so hours) =]

(Although with your stomach issues, be careful with Advil, cuz it's upsetting for the stomach. Like if you give it to a dog? It will throw up blood. But humans are pretty okay).

Remember, psychosis of consciousness is a portal - To go to which ever reality that you please. It takes work.. Logical, repetitive, succeeding and failing.. It's life. But real portal psychosis, is to give the middle finger to reality, and slip into the schism of the theory strings, lost forever, and gone "God Mad". Until you find one of your true, aligned destinations. Just like when you're in a car, trying to read the GPS - And a voice whispers in your ear "You're going to have a stroke, and be travelling in a blue light worm hole portal of infinite civilization, to meet one of the main alien entities, bringing you everything you've ever wanted, freeing your loved ones, and coming back to earth as a more improved, reincarnation".

Use you're only solipsistic IQ patterns, love and soul, to have a good day, a good week.. And more.. And we will meet, when the world ends.. As people are dying, birthing.. It's a wild, wild world..

Think back to when you were a kid.. You didn't know as much.. And it's like being underwater.. The temperature changes - Variations of all countries, cultures, changes in languages, your face, your money, the Earth moving through space. All of the the movies you've watched - And laughed with people about *And what society thought about it, how the movies changed (Even though they are still the same pictures and sound, burned into technological CDs, digital 1's and 0's, through the internet - Downloaded, heard by everyone across the world, interfering with our thoughts, with space-time...*.. Just think about it.. And that's a peace.. That we will all know.

I wish for all good things, for everyone... Who would cause such evil.. For good intentions right? To avenge a dying mother/father.. To gain respect, recognition, validation.. In this material world..

We are spirits. And spirits only (But what taught in school? It's good, grounding.. But what is rigid, must break..)..

And the fireworks explode, in the sky - The most beautiful songs you've ever heard, love of others, warmth.. Excitement.. (Like the memories I've had, on the beach, at night - When my dad drank champagne from the bottle, laughing..) - What ever you need? I have it here, for you...

I have a Walmart grocery order coming
today. Super excited, got tortilla chips, cheese dip, a pizza, raspberry jam (for pb J sandwiches) orange chicken, jimmy dean frozen sausage egg muffins, apple fritters, and fruit/cheese danish. This is just to get me through till I do my big actual in person grocery shopping on Monday.

Also a pair of Bluetooth headphones, since my current ones are on their last legs. Plus a digital watch so I can actually tell the time at work without checking my phone. And last but not least (not from Walmart) a pair of nike air max shoes. That’s the shoes I decided on. Because my current ones are over a year old and are worn out the bottom is worn down where there’s no grip or anything on it. And they’re becoming uncomfortable and making work even more painful from being on my feet all day. I’m hoping this helps my foot and back soreness.

I loaded money on my bus fare smart card so I can get to and from work, so I don’t have to worry about that. Paying my teacher for Sunday’s violin lesson. Buying cat food and litter tomorrow before work. So I’m all set.

I found a few awesome looking meal prep recipes. One of them is a sheet pan chicken fajita one, one is a sausage and vegetables sheet pan recipe, another is a chickpea salad recipe with homemade vinaigrette. I plan on making those over the next couple weeks so I have meals prepped and ready for when I don’t feel like cooking.

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This is the pair of shoes I got. They’re expensive but I thought I’d invest in a good pair since I’m working and can afford it , and due to work being so hard on my feet/legs and back

Honestly a good pair of shoes Lasts two years while a bad is like six months so if you can afford it then that’s always the best option.

For years I would buy cheap running shoes from Payless and I ended up with all these problems and foot pain and orthotics. Until I bought a pair of New Balance. I don’t have any foot pain or anything since switching to like Nikes and New Balance. More expensive shoes.

It’s so worth it. Never go back to cheap shoes.

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Thanks cogladaid and SP! I’m glad to hear it’s worth it. These are the most expensive shoes I’ve ever bought for myself. Aside from the winter boots I bought last year. This is actually my first pair of Nikes I’ve ever got. I always went with the cheapest options before and had a hard time justifying to myself spending anything over a certain amount for shoes. But I’m glad to know it’s gonna be worth it. The pair of Columbia winter boots I bought last year, I didn’t get a chance to use them yet so they’re still brand new, they’re a really good model. So I have those for when winter starts when I walk in the snow and these for everyday use.

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Waiting on my Walmart grocery delivery

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This pretty much sums up the thing about the value of buying something a little pricier.

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My rent increased from around $300 to $675 a month. My social security goes down from $915 a month to like $200 or less. Because I’m working part time. So my budget is gonna be really tight for the foreseeable future. I also have my internet bill, phone bill, violin lessons, bus fare, essentials every month etc that I’m practically paying all on my own now with my work checks. So yeah. Sucks but I hope it will be worth it someday.

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Wow hugs

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They make it really hard to work part time and at the same time afford housing and basic necessities while on social security. Even though the supposed goal is to get off SSI someday.

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