Roll Call 201

Is everyone ready for fall? It’s in the 90s here. It’s hot and humid as hell. I want cooler weather and pumpkin spice stuff lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Made dinner. Risotto with roasted broccoli (garlic and lemon).

Things are okay. I was a bit lightheaded earlier. Even with taking iron supplements.

I see the naturopath tomorrow going to ask about like food sensitivities and iron deficiency as well.

I think I have tendonitis in my left forearm area. I strained it a couple months ago doing bicep curls, and I rested it for a long time. Now it hurts whenever I stretch my arm out and pick something up. I see my regular doctor on Tuesday going to talk about it.

Otherwise work is work. Wanting to get more tattoos. I’m getting two more at the end of the month (spider and butterfly). Itching for more right now. But money… sigh.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm incapable of doing things though. If it's my choice to not want to do anything, I deserve to die. And you all know it.

There's no one that is like this (On Earth). If there is, let me know.

I must be the person most worthy of contempt in existence.

I'm a psychonaut. I do so many different things, that aren't "natural". I want to know secrets of how to free myself from this world.

I refuse to live, because I'm not a free spirit in any way. I want it all gone. And no one gets it.

I guess I just don't want help. Reply to this, with what you really think of me - And I may go my own way, somewhere.

We love you dude and you don’t deserve to feel any of this.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks.. And..

The intellectual dark web.. I spent years there..

My life isn't traditional. I know secrets.

I will try to live, but I don't know enough. So I don't want people at work to talk to me (Cuz they will never understand what I went through - Of course, they went through things too), until I gather up enough information.. I have to catch up...

But if I am to talk to genius autist gf, and she says "You're one of two people that I could ever talk about *certain philosophical thoughts* with", that means something..

And the autist, dealer.. He spent 6k a month on cocaine (And almost ruined his business - I tried to help) - And he talked to me.. To understand how I was so positive, while explaining all the dark things that happened..

So many people have let me down though - No one's perfect.. I am the most imperfect... Non-Developed frontal lobe, destroyed my life. Abilify.

Anyways, I'll be ok. Just when people talk to me, I am so deep into my own reality.. trying to make sense of things - And they are not mind scrambled, just living life.. My mind has been stretched, distorted, broken apart, and put back together (The wrong way).. Nothing will ever be the same. And I have to live with that. Lol.

So I really didn't see this issue until I moved into this new house a year ago. I have withdrawn from humanity, I fear people, they make me feel anxious, nervous, and it's easier to just avoid them. It effects the dynamics of the house, some of the guys understand, some of the guys are frustrated. Now I've never made a mess I haven't cleaned up. No one has ever had to put away a dish of mine, but the issue is, I normally help out when nobody is around, so nobody sees my contribution, and this is becoming an issue in the house. =( At work I'm great, but even when I come home I struggle. The guys invited me to a BBQ and I just couldn't do it, I was too nervous because I've just been through to much< i can't handle it. Not sure what I can do about this either, my father, who has my illness is the exact some way. We're super sensitive people, so we withdraw.

PRN codeine helped (No jk, don't quote me on this..)

But I searched some conspiries, had a shower, completed my dads bedding. He'll visit in a few hours.

You need a good extrovert friend! That will sometimes bring you out of your shell (When you feel up to it) - To socialize a little, and accepts/understands you for who you are. Then you go back to your introvert things. My mom does that =]

The only coworker (That doesn't bother me), she calls me "Shy", and asks me questions.. I stumble my words, and then leave quickly..

My plan is to make another blog.. But this time, to stick to it. If not much followers, that's ok (I can reference people to it). I want to use the Rumble algorithm or w/e, and incorporate ChatGPT (For ideas, and to help me). The theme will be.. all of the things I learn.. What do I even learn? Everything.. It would motivate me too - To keep learning more...

One sec I'll find the "List of things" (Somewhere in my notes) - It'll include journals, ideas, venting, random.. - I have to structure things better.. I haven't thought much about it yet (The structure behind it all).

It will help people, but also be a pathway of self improvement, and transcending my physical body, exploring altered states of consciousness... Psychonaut stuff (+ Mental health, overcoming that.. Trauma.. Experiences that I've had).

"Learning about water fasting/Nutrition
Meditation/Buddhism/Religions
Philosophy/Metaphysical thinking/Paganism/Mythology
Books/Podcasts/Memes/Art (Possibly AI art)/Music
Neuroscience
Pharmacology
Psychology
Anthropology
Conspiracies/Corruption
History
Chemistry
Poems/Songs/Creative writings (Although I don't do this anymore though)
Learning about DMT and other psychedelics
Organization"

Life.. Quotes and stuff.. Relationships.. Spirituality..

Idk.. I'm tired though.. I'll come back to this. Must sleep.. Oh! And also, living in this hippie town (Exercise activities, nature.. So pictures of hikes, mountains and stuff) (:

I got my first paycheck, it gets deposited sometime tonight after midnight. Really proud. It’s only for the first 11 hours I worked because I started working in the middle of a week. It’s $147. So the other 11 hours I worked I’ll get paid for next Friday for another $147.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I have to work today from 12pm to 5pm they called me in

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Make sure to buy yourself something to keep the motivation going, it might be a meal or clothes or even a boba tea.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Me too.

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk

More money!!

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk

They ended up having me stay till 6 instead of 5. Waiting for the bus to go home now

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks that’s a good idea! And I need new clothes and love boba

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Anyone know a good online store to buy clothes from that's affordable

I decided on these , two of them black work shorts one light pink button down, jeans and bras and hangers for my shirts

My back hurts

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I don’t appreciate getting called with 30 minutes notice to come in. I mean yeah I’m glad I got the hours and more money but Jesus this store is poorly managed. Normally it’s been a days notice when they call me in. Which isn’t much better. I don’t like being on call 24/7. It’s a little ridiculous. But anyway, yeah I work next Thursday (that is if they don’t call me in the next week to pickup a shift which they probably will 2 or three times ) it was just me and one other cashier for a few hours and the line was so long and people had huge purchases and layaways and stuff it was nonstop work the entire time there wasn’t a moment of down time except for my 30 minute lunch break. I’ve learned new stuff everyday I work there but I still make mistakes

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Anyway, more motivation to finish college so I don’t have to be stuck in the nightmare of retail forever

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Anyone know what taro taste like? Boba tea. It’s one flavor of bubble tea I haven’t tried yet and I’m curious about it

Sitting here waiting for my deposit to hit later , so I can do some retail therapy and celebrate my first paycheck lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I keep worrying I’ll get fired because I make mistakes sometimes

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If you’re not available don’t pick up the phone even…..you don’t have to be on call.

I’m trying to take every shift I can because I want to make money

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk