[bobby27]

I think this might be a cry for help. But I don't know how to ask for help.

I don't know, I'm so confused, and I'm not sure who to talk to or what to say, or anything. It doesn't matter, it's not real anyways. There is no point. I hate this. I mean it doesn't matter, but what does? I’m falling, but I’m not sure how far or how long. And I'm so tired.

[Christina86]

(((((((Bobby)))))))) sounds like a cry for help.

What about this, do you have a therapist to talk to? a school counsellor? a friend? a family member? a doctor?

Please keep yourself safe. Welcome to PC.

[phoenix7]

can we help.... do you want to talk .... or is a hug ok?

is there someone you can talk to ......

listening if you need to or want to talk ok - P7

[bobby27]

I don't think I have anyone to talk to. I don't have a therapist or anything. I don't have any, like, real friends either.

So, I don't know what I should do, or what I need or... anything.

[phoenix7]

I dont know how old you are so if at school is there a school counciller? if not at school can you go see your dr for a referral to a Therapist?

keep talking it out here - it does helps - it helps me - helps me sort things out ... we are listening if you want to talk or sitting with you if you just need company ok

[bobby27]

The guidance counselor at my high school (I'm 15) is really creepy, she looks like a vulture. And I don't have a doctor either, our family can't afford health insurance, but even if we did I'm not sure I could talk to him about it. I think I can type about things way better than saying them out loud.

I can try to keep talking. I already have more than I've ever done before. It's really hard to me to talk about stuff like this. I guess it might be the best thing I can do.

But, I guess, I'm still trying to figure out why what I've been doing all these years is so bad. I mean, it's not that bad, is it? I know I'm not "supposed to" or whatever, but it's not bad, maybe.
I don't know. I'm so confused.

[phoenix7]

are there help lines you can ring where you are?

I dont know if you are religious - if so a priest or pastor or rabbi may be able to help.

Are there any youth centres near you? they usually have councillers - in australia we have kids help line - do you have somthing like that where you are?

The counciler at school may look a bit creepy but be nice - could you book an appointment and if she turns out to be creepy then dont go back - but she may be able to help ok

let me know how oyu go and keep posting it does help

[bobby27]

Maybe I'll just pretend to talk to someone. Pretending is the only thing I can do anyways.

It's so horrible here anyways. I mean here, with sisters screaming every other second about something stupid (they had this huge fight over a pen, that's right, a freaking pen they had a fight that lasted two and half hours over, a freaking pen). But even not here, here, like where I am here, just in general. It's a horrible place.

[phoenix7]

((((((((bobby27))))))

please dont hurt yourself - you will grow up and be able to leave home and have a life of your own - you can get through this.

[Christina86]

Hey again...

Define "creepy". Looks creepy, acts creepy? Does your school have a nurse or a psychiatrist by any chance - someone else beyond the guidance counsellor to talk to? What about a teacher at your school that you like and trust?

Like Phoenix said, there are also 24-hour mental health/crisis lines in different countries that people can call for support. Some of them are for youth/teenagers/children as well. Where do you live (you can just give me the country if you want)? I can help you find a number.

Originally Posted by bobby27

The guidance counselor at my high school (I'm 15) is really creepy, she looks like a vulture. And I don't have a doctor either, our family can't afford health insurance, but even if we did I'm not sure I could talk to him about it. I think I can type about things way better than saying them out loud.

Confusion is my normal state of being. ((((((((Bobby)))))))))
You've been doing stuff to be able to cope. Coping isn't bad, but the methods used to cope CAN be bad and self-destructive. Eating disorders, illicit drugs, alcohol, self-injury (and others) are all ways to "cope" but they aren't ways to thrive and live a happy life.

But, I guess, I'm still trying to figure out why what I've been doing all these years is so bad. I mean, it's not that bad, is it? I know I'm not "supposed to" or whatever, but it's not bad, maybe.
I don't know. I'm so confused.

(((((((((Bobby)))))))))))) Please don't hurt yourself. You deserve better than that.

[Abby]

Many, many times I have been like you and not had any words to explain, and noone to speak them to so all i have written is SCREAM!!!!! in diaries. It has felt at times that i am actually screaming an inaudible scream, perhaps so filled with pain that it cannot be heard by the human ear.

The first step is writing that word - SCREAM!!! and attempting to communicate. I have found having people in this sub-forum respond, even those that are just a hug or a 'i hear you', extremely helpful. I really hope you find the same. It is nice to feel heard. You're right sometimes there aren't words but i don't think we always need words to communicate how we feel. Personally i'm a fan of the ! and *** buttons

Self harm is not bad if that is what you are referring to in your post. It isn't bad or good, it isn't right or wrong. You are not bad, wrong, or weak or anything negative for self harming. There are various reasons why most people self harm - to release emotions, to feel real, to communicate something that is impossible to put into words. Can you think of the reason why you self harm?

I don't want to tell you not to harm yourself because although i don't want you to hurt further, i understand that place where no words do the pain any justice. So i hope it simply helps that i hear your scream.

[phoenix7]

(((((((((((bobby 27)))))))))))

how are you today? we are here listening - somtimes it just helps to talk - to know someone IS listening.... and we are.

Did you manage to call a help line? or make an appt with a counsellor at school?

let us know how youa re doing ok

P7

[bobby27]

I'm... normal. Whatever that means.

I never actually called a hotline, but I programmed two different ones into my phone; so like, I'll have them.

Since school's been out for the summer, I'm not really sure I can do that.

And by creepy, I mean she both looks and acts creepy. Whenever she talks to us she always sounds so angry. And one time I tripped (I'm a total klutz) on one of the mats that a cheerleader had left out or something; when she was right behind me. She gave the the dirtiest look. She looked like she hated me, and wanted to kill me. Then, she stepped over me and walked on.
I don't think she's the best person to ask for help from. Also if I did ask her she'd never let me skip FOCUS, (a random class we have to take every single year, where we just sit and do nothing, it's really stupid) and take all the AP classes that I want to. She go on and on about me not being able to handle the work or whatever, (she's already not letting me take AP Biology, and AP Calculus (she's making me take Honors Calculus first, and says it's because I'm a sophomore) this year) but I like having more work. It's all busy work anyways, and that's why I like, keeping busy, it's distracting.

So, I'm still not exactly sure what I'm going to do, but programming the numbers in counts for something, right? Even if I don't exactly, really plan on calling them ever, they're still there.

[phoenix7]

yes it counts - of course it does and if ever you need to call them the numbers will be right there - well done

[Emotionally Dead]

Hi there Bobby.. I have been right where you are. I have done things to myself to release my anger, my sadness, my emotions. To feel something. Anything. I no longer do these things, and I feel better about it. At times I want to, but I keep myself sane with my music and good thoughts and I stray away from it. You are trying to cope with what is happening in your life. It doesn't make you a bad person, or a weak person, it just makes you a person who could use a little bit of help. Try talking to a friend, talk to us. Leave me a message anytime you need to. I have been through a lot in my life, and I know how it is. We are all here for you, and I am sure any of us would lend a helping hand.

My only advice to you, is to try to do something that doesn't harm yourself. Scream into a pillow, hit a pillow, go where no one else can go and scream at the top of your lungs, or even put on your headphones and blare some music. Just please, don't hurt yourself. Although it feels good at the time, it can harm your body. Do something that won't harm you. Good luck to you, try to think happy thoughts..

[dance59326]

Originally Posted by bobby27

I think this might be a cry for help. But I don't know how to ask for help.

I don't know, I'm so confused, and I'm not sure who to talk to or what to say, or anything. It doesn't matter, it's not real anyways. There is no point. I hate this. I mean it doesn't matter, but what does? I’m falling, but I’m not sure how far or how long. And I'm so tired.

Hi, I'm also 16, just turned 16 recently.
When I started crashing I was in 7th grade. I was also in your position and still am, sort of
Have you tried journaling out your thoughts?
Do you have a therapist?
Try to journal/talk things out you can even do it right here @ PC.
Try to stay safe, sending you warm wishes,
dance59326

[bobby27]

Well, I'm a writer.
I've been writing poems and stuff since I was little (I claim to have written my first book at age 4). I actually recently found a poem that I kinda like that I wrote when I was like... 12, probably, and was thinking about posting it, but I'm not exactly sure like, where.

I've recently started a novel about a psych ward (even though I've never been in one my sister has; she doesn't talk about it of course, and I'm just making stuff up and hoping it's right). Well, it's kind of about a psych ward; it's about a mom who's a psychiatrist and then a daughter who is a SIer.

I was writing about 5,000 words a day on it until a few days ago. I stopped because I went from about three times a week to everyday, and I hoped stopping writing about it would help, which it hasn't.

I fail massively at journaling, but I do like to write. (In the novel every other chapter is the mom and the daughter, and the daughter's part is written in a journal.)

I was kinda tryingish to talk to someone about it the other day. She is one of the five people who know (one of them being my sister's boss, of all people), and I didn't say anything straight out, but she knew what I was talking about. But, like, she just doesn't know what to tell me, and she ended up writing these short one word replies on IM until one of us changed the topic.

I know I'm never going to call them, ever, though.
Once there were a few people over at my house and we decided to make a prank call (however horrible it is/was) to a hotline. We had all this stuff planned out. Like I would be the crazy person locked up in the psych ward (since I was the most screwed up), and another person would be my crazy friend; then we had a third person be a nurse at the psych ward who kept telling us to get off the phone.
But when we called them they said that they would be recording our conversation and we freaked out and hung up.
My sister told me that once her friend made her call, and she told me that they, again, said that they would be recording the call. And then she said that they kept telling her that they'd like go find her using the GPS or whatever if she didn't get to a hospital, or something.
Not an experience I'd like to have.

[dance59326]

Originally Posted by bobby27

I know I'm never going to call them, ever, though.
Once there were a few people over at my house and we decided to make a prank call (however horrible it is/was) to a hotline. We had all this stuff planned out. Like I would be the crazy person locked up in the psych ward (since I was the most screwed up), and another person would be my crazy friend; then we had a third person be a nurse at the psych ward who kept telling us to get off the phone.
But when we called them they said that they would be recording our conversation and we freaked out and hung up.
My sister told me that once her friend made her call, and she told me that they, again, said that they would be recording the call. And then she said thatthey kept telling her that they'd like go find her using the GPS or whatever if she didn't get to a hospital, or something.
Not an experience I'd like to have.

I've also had sort of the same issue except that they told me to go to the hospital when I called Crisis Services except that I said ok and did so and hung up.

If you talk seriously and straight forward you will have an easier time talking.
My therapist told me that if I ever need to have an emergency therapy session, you can talk on crisis services until you feel better. When you call, you need to say/explain:
Hello, I have/I am in therapy, but he/she is not available for me to see. Can I please vent my feelings. I'm really having a rough time right now and need to vent
Can we talk?

When you call, you have to be semi-rational and not totally out of control, but not perfect. When you show them that talking things out and venting to someone is helpful, they will be more helpful in your favor. When you call, they will not not say that you need to go to the hospital right away if you can control it in some form.
Best of wishes and thinking of you, Keep me updated, Best of luck
dance59326

[phoenix7]

bobby you can post your ppoems in creative corner here its another forum on the main board - i look forward to seeing them and hope you are doing well - P7

[bobby27]

Okay, I'll find the poem that I had been talking about, or a different one, I guess, if I find it first.

I'm... actually doing pretty horribly right now.

I guess the quick short answer is just that I've been SIing everyday.
I mean, that's not so great.

I don't know.

[phoenix7]

Do you know what is triggering you ?

[bobby27]

I'm not even sure if I have any triggers.
It's like something happens or someone says something; it's just all the time.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't thinking about it.
Even when I babysit the adorable little kids I do (I actually haven't in a while though); I still can't stop thinking about it.
Even when I'm making ridiculous comments at the new harry potter movie, making like three people laugh hysterically, I just can't stop thinking about it.

Nothing makes it go away.
I would probably be SIing right now if there weren't four other people in the room.

[phoenix7]

Hey Bobby the way I found out was by writing the title whi i self injure at the top of a page then just writing til i had filled 3 sheets of paper - if you cant think of anythingthen write that and see what comes.... it may help.

Try to do other things instead of SIing - please take care of you ok

p7