More Frequent

((((((((( moon ))))))))))

Good work Moon!!

I think I might tell my boyfriend that I SI today. I don't know I really want to tell him now.
I'm scared about telling him about it though.

If you want to tell him, take a deep breath and just start telling him.

Good luck.

I feel like I failed cause I couldn't tell him. I couldn't bare to see his pain.

No, Moon, NO! The time was not right for you.

It was the right time though, he asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell him... I failed him.

NO, not failed but just taking your time. Besides, it may take a little longer for you to be comfortable to talk about this, YOU CAN DO IT!!! it just may take a little more time. Maybe tomorrow...

How are you doing MA?

Not doing so great. I've been trying to keep myself busy but it's not working very well. I find myself feeling even worse when I try to avoid things.

I'm still too scared to tell my boyfriend cause he's kind of had a temper lately. I don't know how he'd react to me telling him about how I SI.

I trigger really easily now and don't really know why.

im sorry if i repeat anything since i didn't read all of the other responses...

you should look into DBT therapy. it really really helped me deal with my habit of self-injury. you can take it as either a group therapy or individual. i'd suggest group, because you'll have peers to bounce idea's of you, and criticize you in a CONSTRUCTIVE way.

anyways, that's my thought. again, it really helped me!! google DBT if you want to learn more. it's awesome.

When is your next therapy appt.? Why do you all of a sudden want to tell your bf? Could you be more triggery because you are opening up more or wanting to open up more?

Thanks jennaorgana! I've done some research already and like the idea of it!

Sannah - I think it's friday, I might have to reschedule though because I've been pretty sick lately. I'm not sure if I'm going to go or not.

I've always wanted to tell him, I just never knew how to say it. Now that other people who are close to me have figured it out I feel like I might as well get it over with soon. I've been trying to have a really open relationship with him and he knows there's something I'm hiding from him. He doesn't know just how large that underlying problem is though so it's hard for him to know what I'm going through.I think part of the reason why he gets so upset is because he has no clue what I deal with on a daily basis. I don't want his pity, nor anyone else's for that matter, but I think that he would have a better understanding of who I am as a person if I told him about it.

Perhaps I trigger more easily because I'm more willing to open up or want to. I tend to put things behind me or bottle so it's hard when I have to spill everything out on the table or even a small amount of things that I otherwise don't want to deal with. There's a reason why I never share anything, because then I have to think about it and deal with it. This would in turn lead to SI. I never learned how to handle things properly before.

MA, I hope you make it to your therapy appt. It is very important. We will continue to support you in your effort to tell your bf no matter what happens (whether you tell him or not).........

I don't think I'm going to be able to make it. I'm exhausted, sick, and depressed. I really don't want to bother.

It is hard to heal when you don't go to your therapy appts................

Sannah is right, but you can do something right now, like (forcing if necisary) doing something that used/or does make you happy. aka Distractions.

Therapy is important, and can help you to recover. It will be hard to get up and go but, sorry you have too. (any other allternaitive is not quite what you want, TRUST ME)

I hope your day is going better, Smiling helps. And if those didn't help, lets try this one for a laugh... and if those didn't work either then how about a (all of this is trying to make you smile, since it helps, even if you don't want too)

I realize that but I'm just exhausted after work these days. That and I'm still sick.

Thanks! That really made me smile!

Moon, I'm Glad it made you smile, Since it made me smile too. Again keep us posted.

You guys have no clue how many times I've stared at this white text box trying to think of something to say only to be disappointed when I can't come up with anything. I feel like I can't do anything anymore I just end up being at a loss for words or failing at the task.

I've had a pretty rough couple of days to say the very least.

What made it rough?

Hmm skipped therapy ( a really bad idea) later that night triggered really badly and cut. I had to go to the hospital to get stitches and now my arm hurts really badly. My panic attacks are getting worse, and I feel hopeless. That's about it.

With the panic attacks, what are the physical bits to it?? I've had those and each time they get worse. I finally started to look at what feelings started the attack, and then attack the thoughts and feelings. your T can help you with attacking the Thoughts and Feelings. (It's worked for me) Also if you have a Pdoc or doc they can help you with some drugs to calm down.

The problem is I don't really know what causes them. I haven't seen my Pdoc in forever and can never get an appointment with her that works for both of us. I guess I'll just hang on. The attacks are hard to understand if I don't know where they're coming from so I get frustrated a lot.

As for SI I'm scared out of my mind to do it again.