More Frequent

Darn then the Pdoc Idea wont work as of right now.

I want to point out one thing though, you said that you need to understand where the attacks are coming from. That sounds a little off. I never knew where they were coming from during the attack.So if they are so bad that you shake during an attack, then have those around you put some protective pillows around you. If its just feeling short of breath, then focus on breathing. If its feelings as if you were to die, then tell yourself that your just fine. If it is anything else, think of some place peaceful and relaxing. (this works to take you outside of your body and away from the problem, if only for a little bit)

As far as the fustration, you may not know when you are going to have another but you can know what you are to do during the attack. Like afterwards, you can write down the thoughts that went through your mind, and then confront them, if you need help I'm more than willing to help you with it. Keep us posted on how you are doing!

MA, this is why therapy is so important. You need to be working with a therapist on this stuff.

Sannah - I believe you now. I have two appointments this coming week and I'm hoping that they will go well.

Puzz - They're often very intense and hard to manage. I guess it's cause I don't really know how to handle that kind of situation properly. I'm hoping to open up to my T this week and let her know at least about the panic attacks. It's getting to the point where I can't handle them. I'm going to try to start writing down my thoughts...

As for the boyfriend deal I told him some things yesterday and am hoping I'll be able to tell him the rest in the near future.

Woo Hoo!!!!!! Please keep us updated?

My boyfriend almost dumped me and I have to skip therapy for another week or so cause I have to go home (all the way to the west coast) cause my grandpa's in the hospital. I feel helpless.

I guess I can stay in touch with my T but it won't be the same. I haven't talked to her since my last appointment a few weeks ago. I'm still not comfortable telling her stuff yet and am starting to bottle again.

Dear Moon,

Sounds like you have a busy schedule coming up but that you are also under a lot of stress, & therefore urges usually increase. I would love to help you thru any tough times you may have I know you are going out to thee West coast soon. Here is my e-mail add:

mlparish@comcast.net

Love You!
Holmes

I actually literally just boarded the plane. I better go before I get yelled at for having my laptop on. I'm super freaked out about the flight though and already want to SI, unfortunately airport security is seriously strict. I guess that's a good thing but the urge is still there. I'm freaked out to see my family again because I literally hate them. The amount of abuse I've taken from them both verbally and physically is beyond what words can describe. I'm scared to be anywhere near my parents and now I have to deal with them for a week.

Thanks Holmes, I'll definitely be in contact.

Good luck, Moon.

Good luck, you can get through the week!!

I can't do it anymore. I can't handle things. my boyfriend dumped me and I feel so alone. I'm waiting numbly for my T to write back to me. I sent her a long email explaining what's happened on my trip so far. I don't want to go home to NY but I don't want to stay here either. I can't stand to be either place now.

((((((((((((moonapocalypse))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry that this happened.

MA, it is time to get in survival mode now. You must get through this and you will. You have your T, you have us. You must find your inner strength and get through this.............

(((((((( Moon )))))))))

I'm pathetic for letting all of this get to me like this. I walked right into a war zone. I know realize why I left home so young, cause I couldn't take my parents anymore. I'm 22 and I'm being verbally and physically abused. I'm trying to stay away from them and only come home when I need to but it's hard. I'm counting down the days till I go back home to NY but well I don't really have the best situation over that way either. I'm all alone and will be all alone when I get back to my place. I'm not handling things at all. I've gone back to cutting a lot. Friends keep trying to distract me as much as they can but it doesn't always work and I feel bad for having to depend on them. I don't want them to have to see me like this and try to distract me cause they feel bad when it doesn't work at all. I'm trying to help myself but I can't seem to have the strength to do so.

you are not pathetic moon... trust me your not... your going through a hard time. we all have to go through them but it is key to remember that we want to be there to help you out. we want to be able to at least try to keep your mind off of things and keep you busy... Life is hard but remember the key is to be strong and get back up and just look life in the eyes and ddecide what you want to do... fight or just give up.... you need to fight for yourself. i am always here to help.

You are absolutely not pathetic! Walking back into an abusive family, especially when you are only 21 IS very hard! Everyone would be affected. This is a very tough situation.

I am glad that you have such supportive friends.

MA, you will make it.............

Moon,

I come from a very difficult family also, and left home at 18 and did not go back for years. So I do get what you're going through.

(In fact, I had to go home last weekend, and it was still a triggering experience. After all this time.)

But generally, I have found that the best way to get through it is:

- to try to take really good care of myself physically -- try to eat properly, try to sleep, try to exercise. Sleeping is the hardest, but I sometimes take one benedryl, if I really can't sleep. I try to walk for about an hour each day. It's soothing, and also it gets me out of the house. Eating -- that's tricky, when I'm upset, I can only eat things like bread and crackers. But I do try to stay away from junk food.

- lower my expectations. I know I'm not going to be able to do much, because I'm going to be all agitated, so I don't expect it. I try to give myself a few concrete, do-able goals. (And really, they can be something like: 'I will go for a walk today.') (Or, on some days: 'I will get out of bed and take a shower.')

- take things very slowly. I move slowly and try to be aware of my breathing and try to stay very present in the moment. It's the whole mindfulness thing, and in a way it's just a distraction, but it really helps.

- try to be very gentle and caring with myself. This is hard, because usually I judge myself brutally. But I try to remind myself that this is difficult for me, and I try to be understanding of me.


I don't know what else to say, I wish I had something more concrete to offer you. But here are these ideas, anyway, and maybe you can make use of them. Be gentle with yourself. Take care,

-Far

I aggree with Far, He makes some graeat points, Take care of yourself. We all know its hard to deal with but you will make it through it, We're here for you. If you've ever seen Finding Nemo, then you'll under stand "Just keep swiming, swiming, swiming" or in this case, "just keep going, going, going" You will make it out. People do care about you, you can get through this. (and if you can't foucs on anything then get out side of your self and help a friend, do something for some one, get out side, just to name a few) You will be okay. and remember keep venting here, it helps.

Thank you all for the suggestions. I have taken many to heart.

I'm sorry things are going so bad for you right now. Hopefully they will get better.

Thanks angie that means a lot.

(((((((((((( Moon )))))))))))))

http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752

I just cut again... I feel good, not numb anymore.

Yes, well, it does that.

Have you cared for the cut (keep it clean, stitches if nec., etc.)?

Here is a resource for you. http://www.siriusproject.org/alternatives.htm

(That site is very nice, I've found many of the resources helpful.)

Stay as safe as you can.

When will you be going back to NY?

(BTW, I'm female.)

Take care,
-Far