[I'mNotReal]

My friend si'd again today. Needed stitches...
I dont know if I can deal with it without hurting myself.
I can’t stay around her now. I would do no good, anyways... I’ve been pushing her too much, telling her she isn’t really trying. Maybe I’m just triggering her.
I’m mad at her, I guess. I feel that I can’t support her anymore and for the 1st time I didn’t try to talk to her as I always do when she’s not okay. I don't know what is the right thing to do.
And the "funny" thing is that I sit here to write these things down as if it would make everything better. Everything will be the same way after submitting this thread. Just watch it...

[puzzclar]

Don't push her, she will push back. (that's what I would do) Don't tell her she isn't trying, it doesn't help. Be there for her, as a friend, but take care of yourself.

It doesn't make things better, but it sure can help to vent.

If she ever needs stitches, take her to get medical attention, It's hard but she needs support, distract her from what is going on, spend time with her, but not at a risk of yourself. If you want to help her, then you need to take care of yourself.

Don't be mad, forgive and become a friend to her. This is an illness just like cancer.

[I'mNotReal]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

Don't push her, she will push back. (that's what I would do) Don't tell her she isn't trying, it doesn't help. Be there for her, as a friend, but take care of yourself.

It doesn't make things better, but it sure can help to vent.

If she ever needs stitches, take her to get medical attention, It's hard but she needs support, distract her from what is going on, spend time with her, but not at a risk of yourself. If you want to help her, then you need to take care of yourself.

Don't be mad, forgive and become a friend to her. This is an illness just like cancer.

yeah but this "im sick" thing doest help, does it? I cut too and.. I...
okay.. nevermind
I dont wanna hurt her. I really dont so.... I guess I'll just shut up and hide in my room...

[roads]

This is your forum. (And not mine, BTW, I'm just an interested bypasser. You can chase me out if you want.)

I'll just shut up and hide in my room...

Why? You started this thread because you had things to say, you care about your friend. Are you sure you don't want to say what you wanted to say?

[puzzclar]

You don't want to hurt her, so help. Maybe this idea could help. It's worth a try. If you want to stop cutting as well, then stop together. that is assuming that she wants to stop as well. Say in one week if you haven't cut then you do something fun.

It's an idea. You know what she is going through, you may not know how to help, but you can sure try.

I hope it works, but there's no fix all for everyone. You just have to keep trying, and never give up.

[I'mNotReal]

Originally Posted by roadrunnerbeepbeep

This is your forum. (And not mine, BTW, I'm just an interested bypasser. You can chase me out if you want.)

Why? You started this thread because you had things to say, you care about your friend. Are you sure you don't want to say what you wanted to say?

Im really tired and I dont know what I want to say.
I started this thread because Im freaking mad at my friend because she hurts me when she hurts herself. And she hurting herself makes me want to hurt myself. And really? Why I always end up in relationships like this? I mean, I love her, Im worried about her. She was there so many times for me but I cant be there for her now. It's unfair which makes me want to hurt myself! But I know I love her more than she loves me and that makes it easier for her to be there for me because she really doesn't care, you know!!! And that makes me want to hurt myself. AND it sounds absolutely selfish cuz the poor girl is struggling too! And being selfish makes me want to hurt myself!

I cant stop thinking: Should I give up? Should I stay and fight with her?
Am I this bad cuz she's that bad? Is this real?
I dont even know if this is real!!!

[puzzclar]

what you have said makes perfect sense. This is real. It's hard, then again, life is hard.
Keep yourself safe, if that means taking a break from each other, then do. if venting helps because you are mad, then vent. We can make suggestions, but you are the one that can make the changes, if needed/wanted/desired.

This is real, and it's up to you if you want to stay or not with her.

[I'mNotReal]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

You don't want to hurt her, so help. Maybe this idea could help. It's worth a try. If you want to stop cutting as well, then stop together. that is assuming that she wants to stop as well. Say in one week if you haven't cut then you do something fun.

It's an idea. You know what she is going through, you may not know how to help, but you can sure try.

I hope it works, but there's no fix all for everyone. You just have to keep trying, and never give up.

I tried so many things! I tried short promises - she says:

"I can’t promise I won’t cut".

I say "talking to someone can help". She says:

"I don’t want to be stopped".

I asked her "You wanna try the butterfly project?". Aaaaaaand???? huh? I know you want to know her answer, so here it goes:

"It wont work - I dont care if the butterfly dies".

"Okay, so you could write in the place where you want to cut reasons why you shouldnt do it, like - I wont cut cuz it would hurt my mom or I wont cut because I want quit SI and it would be a step back". That could be a reminder. She said:

"I still dont care. Its just ink".

I suggested "WE could throw away our tools to support SIAD". What did she say?

"I don’t want to throw them away".

And I tried again: "Well, you can buy more blades later. It's just to see if we can live without our blades, even if it's just for 15 minutes. It’s just a 1st step". And what did she say?!!!

"I want to keep my tools forever".

YAY! You were expecting this. weren't you?! You see? How can I help if she just isn't trying???

She said she is an adult and able to make her own decisions so she won’t stop because I’m asking her to. I wonder: what the hell am I doing here then? I’m a friend and friends help. Or isn’t it like this anymore???
She says:

"I’m not ready to stop".

Seriously? She wants to cut? Then cut. If she doesnt want my help, I cant be around... it just hurt me.

[puzzclar]

If she doesn't want help, then... there is not much you can do for her. If it is not good for you to be around her, then take control of yourself first.

It's not worth it if helping her is not helping you. Please be careful

I was in a similar situation and tried explaining my feelings to my friend who got mad and ignored them. so we stopped talking, it's been weeks now and even though I'm still struggling its better without having to deal with her issues too. I see her statuses on fb basically saying she's going to kill herself and it makes me mad and even though I want to hell her I realise/remember the reasons why I stopped talking to her.

so I think you need to put yourself first. you can't help her if your not okay.

[unaluna]

Wow. This is the other side of the coin for when my T says he says he can be my therapist or he can be my friend, but he can't be both. You are trying to act as a therapist to your friend. According to the "rules", you can't be both? This is more like codependence what you're doing, being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction and you want to fix them. If you can do "friend" things together that make both your lives better, that would be great. Otherwise you may become two partner addicts, pulling each other down, each getting involved for their own reasons, their own pain, their own unresolved issues or whatever. Like an alcoholic married couple. Hmm. What are your parents like?

[I'mNotReal]

What are my parents like?
I dont know my father and my mother is overprotective. Is that what you asked? Why? What's the correlation?

[unaluna]

You're being overprotective of your friend? I had no idea what I was looking for or what I would find; it was just that, now with this info, the intensity of your saving behavior seemed "off", somehow; not really YOU?

[I'mNotReal]

not really me?
How come?

[unaluna]

Does it FEEL like you? I guess I'm just at a stage in life where looking back at my younger years and saying, I wasn't acting like myself, I was blindly imitating my mother. At my Sweet 16 birthday party (i KNOW!), I had my choice of 3 guys who liked me, I TOTALLY picked the worst one for me. My T asked me what my mother thought of N, and I was like, she didn't even know he existed. But I was so overwhelmed by HER values to have faith in and follow my personal interests - if my mother and brother said something wasn't cool, I didn't do it. I knew they would have thought N wasn't cool, he looked nerdy.

So I'm just wondering what your POSITIVE path is, what are the things you love, that you are talented in and want to devote your life to? Maybe it IS a helping profession. You are logical and articulate and caring. You obviously have a lot going on upstairs. Sometimes when the squeaky wheels are getting the grease, the quiet wheels get in a rut and don't get out.

[Mylifeisdepressing]

I really feel for you right now, me and my friend are having a hard time right now because of something with my depression, but I have to say, please try not to push her. I cut, and I know that it's bad, but it really does offer relief from the pain. It's like if you smoke and somebody who thinks smoking is bad tells you to stop, and even thought it can be bad for you, you don't want to stop. And it's hard to. Cutting is very addictive, and a cause for a lot of emotional turmoil, so please don't try to pressure her to stop, because that is the last thing she wants to hear. And remind her that you are always there for her, I'm sure she probably cares about you more than you think. I hope you two can get this worked out, and that shell come around

[I'mNotReal]

Originally Posted by Mylifeisdepressing

I really feel for you right now, me and my friend are having a hard time right now because of something with my depression, but I have to say, please try not to push her. I cut, and I know that it's bad, but it really does offer relief from the pain. It's like if you smoke and somebody who thinks smoking is bad tells you to stop, and even thought it can be bad for you, you don't want to stop. And it's hard to. Cutting is very addictive, and a cause for a lot of emotional turmoil, so please don't try to pressure her to stop, because that is the last thing she wants to hear. And remind her that you are always there for her, I'm sure she probably cares about you more than you think. I hope you two can get this worked out, and that shell come around

I understand how she feels. I feel "the same". I cut too. But it would be easier if she said "I dont want to quit" and then I would say "Okay". What can I do, after all? Nothing. But she says she wants to quit. At the same time, though, she keeps rejecting every suggestion I give her. What is that about? Pride? She wants to quit but alone? When I feel the urge to cut I try desperately to talk to someone. Anyone. I call a friend, I send an email and I ask for help. "Please stay with me and help me distract myself cuz I want to cut and shouldnt be alone" - and Im the one who doesnt want to stop!

[I'mNotReal]

Originally Posted by hankster

Does it FEEL like you? I guess I'm just at a stage in life where looking back at my younger years and saying, I wasn't acting like myself, I was blindly imitating my mother. At my Sweet 16 birthday party (i KNOW!), I had my choice of 3 guys who liked me, I TOTALLY picked the worst one for me. My T asked me what my mother thought of N, and I was like, she didn't even know he existed. But I was so overwhelmed by HER values to have faith in and follow my personal interests - if my mother and brother said something wasn't cool, I didn't do it. I knew they would have thought N wasn't cool, he looked nerdy.

So I'm just wondering what your POSITIVE path is, what are the things you love, that you are talented in and want to devote your life to? Maybe it IS a helping profession. You are logical and articulate and caring. You obviously have a lot going on upstairs. Sometimes when the squeaky wheels are getting the grease, the quiet wheels get in a rut and don't get out.

Yes. Im pretty much like my mother and I hate that. I know the way I show my love comes from her. I learned with her how to be overprotective. But this is really me. I am like this. No one is original. If it wasnt my mom, it would be someone else. If I was raised by my father I would be more like him. We are a combination of many pieces and these pieces we get from people in our lives. Of course, at first, when we are kids there aren't many people in our lives, so our family is our reference. But growing up we meet other people, people from school, from college, from work and then we can look back and choose what we will keep and what we want to change. I want to change this. I dont want to be like my mother in this aspect. I know how bad it can be for myself and those around me. But it's hard to change...