Lost

I feel the urge..it is so strong right now..

I'm thinking to much, waaaay to much for my own good...so many fears coming forward.

of course watch me screw up now, that is all I am a screw up.

Ever since the car accident I have problems with people leaving, I can't explain why, I just do.

The time is coming for three of my closest friends to move out to there dorms, I fear if they leave they won't come back, that I will be forgotten, that something bad will happen, I'm being stupid, I'm being childish, I'm so %#@&#! stupid. They are my biggest supporters, they don't always understand but they stand by me, they know when to ask questions and when to just be there. Now their not going to be there all the time, it's hard, it would all go smoother if I started college at the same time but I don't I start the week after.

It's more than just this, I've just been feeling so lost, I dddon't know what to do anymore with myself, I feel so weak, so sad, I don't understand it. everything I do creates guiilt, I'm guilty for so much, guilty guilty guilty,

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm whining and taking up others time, I feel so bad I haven't been as supportive to everyone here as I could be, Like I said I'm a screw up. Sorry.

((((((((((((Silversparrow))))))))))))))))
It is very hard when friends leave, I felt the same way when my friends went to away to college instead of staying in the same town like i did.
Let me know if there is anything I can do, PM anytime.

Hi Silver, you aren't being stupid! You are starting to miss your friends, especially since they are such good, supportive friends. This seems normal to me. Do you want to explain more about the guilt? You are not a screw up!

Your not %#@&#! stupid, and your certainly not taking up everyones time.

I think its fair to say most of us would feel lost in the same situation, if they are your biggest supporters its understandable that u'd feel alone - but we cant rely on others forever.

Your going to be okay you know, I know you feel this right now, but they are only worries, just accept the fact that its normal to feel like this and let those worries pass.

I hope you resisted your urges hun, I hope you remembered that hurting yourself is not the answer, and you dont deserve to be hurt in anyway.

Keep posting, you mean so much to alot of people heer at pc

babyg - xx

((((((Purple))))) ((((((Sannah))))))) (((((((BabyG))))))

Thank you for your support.
I'm feeling better today, I can't help but feel silly or guilty when I share my emotions, I know it's ridiclious for me to feel so bad about sharing my emotions I just do. Thank you all for being patient with me.
I did resist the urge.

Lots of Love to you all
Silver

Hi Silver! I am so glad that you are feeling better. Good work for not SI ing! I am sorry that you feel silly and guilty when you share your feelings. Do you know where that comes from? It's not ridiculous, it's probably just how you have been "trained". You have all my patience!

((((((((((Silversparrow))))))))))))))

Okay, I need to clear up some things here:
- Feeling hurt and feeling abandoned and not liking people leaving doesn't make you childish. It makes you human, and it always hurts to see people leave. I feel the same way, I HATE people leaving me.
- You are NOT a screw up. You've made decisions you might dislike, but you're not a screw up for them. Once again, you're human.
- I feel lost sometimes too, like right now ... it doesn't help the situations we find ourselves in
- Guilt. Is a big bad ugly emotion that's hard to deal with. This is a hard question to answer... but as a kid, did someone make you feel guilty for asking for help, for existing, or for any other reason? Guilt sticks around much longer than it should a lot of the time
- Don't be sorry. You are not whining. You are not taking up anyone's time that they'd rather be doing something else. You are not responsible for other people's decisions. You can't control everyone around you. You are talking about your problems and your experiences - and that is OKAY. You may not be supportive in this exact moment, but we're human, again. Nobody can be supportive all the time. That's why T's have Ts... no "man" is an island. What we do impacts others, and we can't live in isolation. I know, personally, that you've helped me many times by replying to my posts. I've always appreciated it too.

You are a good person. You are struggling, but that's okay. You will make it through this, because I *know* you're a strong person, even if you can't see that or feel that way right now.

You're loved. PM me if you need to talk again, ok? I'm always willing to listen and you won't be bugging me because I'm asking you to PM me and I LOVE getting PMs from people, even if they want support.

Be safe.

Well done for resisting hun, keep it up xxx