Any Asexuals Here?

Hello everyone,

I believe I'm a bi-asexual, if there is such a thing! By that, I mean that I am attracted to both males and females, but I have no interest in having sex with either. At most, I would do kissing. I have had experience with trying to do more than making out, and I found myself completely un-aroused, and not enjoying myself. I had to pretend to enjoy myself to avoid the awkwardness of admitting I'm not sexually attracted to others.

On another note, this is embarrasing...but I have been masturbating since I was around 3 or 4 years old, and this is a way for me to release stress and tension. So my sex drive is normal, I suppose, but I just don't want to be with others sexually?

I don't even have an interest to be with anyone romantically, which I find odd for a person of my age (18). I have never really wanted a boyfriend or girlfriend, although I have thought about it and had a couple of partners in the past.

Is there anyone out there like me, in any way? I feel like an oddball compared to everyone I know, who are interested in sex and romance. Why do I feel like a robot in this aspect?

When I was 18, I wasn't really interested in sex. At the time I was straight. I then turned 19 and started having a few sexual encounters - I was much more sexually active after a good few drinks, and would hardly be aroused at any other time. I then met my boyfriend and settled into the swing of a relationship. When I was 23, I met a woman I fell in love with, and our sex-drive went through the roof. But there was a great chemistry. The relationship ended, and I am back with my original boyfriend. I don't have a particularly high sex-drive, but it's there.

Give yourself time - some people do mature at different speeds.
You also have probably not met the ONE - you will know all about the chemistry when you meet the right person for you. You say you enjoy orgasms and masturbation, and you will enjoy sharing this with someone else. When the right chemistry is there, you won't be able to keep your hands off your partner

I can completely relate. I'm married though...I just wish there was no sex. I don't like to be touched at all. I suppress my feelings for my husbands sake and try to be a good wife.

My T said I should try masturbation, but I haven't been able to do that.

I think my life would be better without sex/affection, but that doesn't mean that it applies to everyone

Hey Melissa,

Yes, my story is pretty much exactly like yours. I think I have been in love with both a woman and a man, and I am attracted to both but do not welcome relationships or sex into my life because I do not strictly want them. I am 23. I seem to have normal sexual urges, but don't want sex with others.

The older I get the more worried I get about it. I know one's sexuality is one's own business, and it's okay to be like me, I just also know that love and emotional intimacy often times come wrapped in a sexual package. Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life? No, I am not asocial I simply do not want sex.

I am not sure that, in my case, this is healthy. It causes me shame and pain to be different, but I simply cannot tolerate intimacy and it is out of my control that I push it away. I become frustrated when people say, "you will find the one." I fell in love, and maybe I have found "the one", but it's not that simple because I can't tolerate being with people. None of it comes naturally to me.

Perhaps you are different and are happy in your life. I hope so! I think there are a good amount of people who are asexual and there are networks like AVEN which offer support and such.

It seems the scientific community is confused by asexuality and want to label it disordered, but there was a time homosexuality was in the DSM. Progress will sort it out.

I always wondered myself about who I really am in that type of way... I don't know what I even consider myself cause like your situation you have emotions for both genders but no sex drive for either. I don't necessarily believe in asexuality but then again that is the only thing that seems logical. However, maybe that one special person can make your emotions settle down and more or less figure out what you really want. But, it's really difficult especially for someone young like me because you don't really know how to handle a relationship where you emotionally connect but yet feel almost weird about the thought of doing anything sexual with them. Not much advice I can offer except just try to make the best of what you do know about yourself, what you want to achieve, and what you want in someone else.

I have a similar problem, though I have an extremely active sex life for my boyfriends sake. I masturbated (never orgasmed) from a young age and indulged in online fantasy etc but never was sexually attracted to PEOPLE. I love hugging kissing and being touched and love touching my boyfriend, just dont get turned on at all by regular sex. but i think mine is because my fantasies and private arousal is over extreme fetish so regular sex isnt enticing, is this the same for you OP?

I think it's really unfair to your boyfriend that you have an active sex life "for his sake". As your boyfriend, I would hate being lied to and deceived all this time. I don't think most guys would want to be humored in the bedroom, they would want to satisfy and reach you emotionally.

My suspicion is that you don't know what you want sexually and you need to find a way to explore this, in a safe manner. I've heard of the Sybian, which is supposed to let women explore their bodies and let them easily reach orgasmic heights, not possible to reach by other humans. This experience would in turn teach you about your own body, your likings and limits and armed with this knowledge, you would legitimately be able to be satisfied by your boyfriend in REAL LIFE.

Make sense?

Hey guys,

I am the exact same. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed at times. I have had a few boyfriends but I just don't have the "ummph" in me to enjoy the sexual side to the relationship. When I was seeing my Counsellor back in June 2010 she had asked why I felt like this and I could not answer her. She has asked if I was gay which I said no to as I don't feel I am attracted to women like that, I do like the company of other women though.

I am at the moment rather confused about my sexual preferences and think I will never be happy with who I am as I don't understand who I am if that makes any sense at all.

Life would be a lot easier if I knew why I don't like to have sex etc. Even the thought of a guy's penis makes me feel sick and nervous.

I am so glad to know I am not alone in this! I have been really concerned for a while about my sexual life. I am attracted to men, I know that much (I kissed a girl once and felt nothing) I love making out and doing a bit more but once it comes to actual sex or just heavy petting I don't like it. I haven't wanted to have sex, I lost my virginity earlier this year (I'm 21) and didn't enjoy it at all and have no desire to do it again any time soon. Also I have never had an orgasm in my life no matter what. I was questioning for a while whether I was actually a lesbian because I couldn't really get in to it with a guy, but I really don't think that's it.

I really do like making out and fooling around though, so it's really just so confusing.

Nope, I don't think you're alone, or outlandish. Sexuality is a spectrum, and prone to gradual, subtle changes throughout our lives, I'm pretty sure.

I have never been in a relationship. 26 years old and never even kissed another. At this point I'm not sure that will ever change. The prospect of a relationship scares me--I fear getting too close to anyone else--and sex isn't of much interest, though I'm attracted vaguely to men. I'm not sure where I stand as far as gender even goes, so I think that muddies the waters considerably.