A bit ashamed...and my mind represses it. Not sure where else to go.

I have been attracted to girls since I was 10 years old, and would fantasize about them, and still do from time to time, until I have had this complete and utter aversion to sexual things recently; which is an entirely different story. I got out of a 3-year relationship a couple of months ago, and in the last 4 months or so there was severe strife over me refusing to get intimate.

I still am attracted to boys as well, but the thing is, I could never admit I am bisexual to anyone, and would be scared to ever get into a relationship with another female. In fact, I don't even really admit to myself that I'm bisexual. It's like my mind would just rather not process it, so I don't think about it that often until feelings show up. I wouldn't ever know what to do or how to even function. Not to mention I am a Christian. I am Methodist, so our church gladly accepts gays and stuff, but I still can't describe the shame I feel! And especially the extreme sense of guilt I would feel if I ever were to get into a relationship with a female.

A week or two ago, I met these two girls at a convention and they had some of the same exact interests as me! It was so cool, i've never met anyone with the same interests! I have severe social anxiety disorder, and was able to open up to them quite a bit, which is saying something. They were both transgender, and it turns out, I felt somewhat smitten towards one of them in particular. Not really sexually too much, just in a lovey sort of way. She (He) had a boyfriend though, so obviously that was just a silly thing in my head anyways. What made matters worse??

I found out she was 13 going on 14. I am 17 going on 18. Both of them looked my age, but obviously looks can be deceiving. So now not only do I feel like a weirdo (no I do not think gays or bisexuals are weird, and have had many friends who are, but I just find it weird for me.), but also a pedophile. Ughhhh!

I can't even believe I'm admitting this here, but I figured I might as well get these feelings out there....never talked to anyone anywhere about this, so. Yeah. Sigh.

So sorry for your feeling "weird"; since you are from a decent church background then we are guessing that is not your reason, yes? I think you sound as though you know you are right to feel this way but something else has happened to make you confused; I mean, you have bi friends, etc. so you know it is not weird. Why is it weird for YOU in particular? Are you not kind to yourself as you are kind to other people? Do you believe you deserve the same respect and right to happiness as other people do deserve? Is it simply the mistake with the young teen? You made a mistake; looks can be deceiving and you thought she he was older. That happens. When I was 18 I knew a 13 year old boy was very lonely, had a crush on me, was depressed, and he told me he had never even kissed anyone.

So I kissed him.

Do you think I was evil? I don't think so. I had good intentions. I didn't want another to experience the lonely hell I had gone through as a young teen. It happens. It is OK. You are a kind and loving person or else you wouldn't be so worried.

Take care of yourself, and feel free to PM me , if you think I can help more.

No, not really. I think I feel weird mostly because I refuse to admit it to myself. Still, I do. I never check myself as bisexual on anything, and when someone asks me what orientation I am (which rarely comes up anyways), I am quick to say straight. I think I fear that I will scare people away or something if they know. This would be extremely hard for me to admit to anyone, especially with severe social phobia and anxiety already.
And nooo, I am certainly never kind to myself, ahah. I am my own worst enemy in most cases.

And no, I think what you did was sweet, and was full of good intentions and wasn't a bad thing. And thank you, you are too. c: And thanks, I will!

Again, thanks so much, you made me feel a bit better. c:

O! It makes me so happy to have made you feel a bit better! I am often pensive, too. I live nearby, and teach at a major university. I am a bit different in that I make friends with my students. To me, many of my students are more real than the faculty here. The faculty are a bit snooty, full of themselves. Maybe one day you will come to my university and take a class with me! It would be fun. And please practice trying to be kinder to yourself. You are good and worthy of affection.

I don't make friends easily. Not only do I not really have any, but I don't really want to either, unless they indulge themselves in the same warped fantasy worlds I do. Yeah, I know, it's a problem, haha. That's a great thing! And that would be super awesome! What do you teach?

And yes, I am definitely working on that. I have a very hard time trying to convince myself of nice things though, haha. I always hear these people in my head ridiculing me and everything I do, and whenever I hear someone laughing or talking, I automatically think it's something bad about me, and can't shake the feeling. Eh, but like I said. It's a work in progress, eheh. c:

I know what you mean about liking girls and stuff, liked 'em since I was 3 but refused to admit bisexuality to myself until I was about 14. (I'm turning 16 this year)
And age is just a number, screw what other donkeyholes think! As long as someone isn't taking advantage of someone else, what's the problem?

Don't be ashamed....you are who you are and need to live your own life...it's not always easy for anyone. I knew i liked girls at the age of 12 and had a puppy love romance with a girl at that age. I married a man at 20 and still had it in my mind i also liked girls. Well along came this fabulous woman at the age of 27 for me, and i had an affair with her. It totally threw a wrench into my marriage. I couldn't stop and he wanted me to, I stayed my ground and ruined my marriage in the process. We are now 26 years later after my divorce and the breakup of my female relationship too! I have been alone for so long and don't date anyone, although through the years i have been sexual with men. I still know i am bisexual but have not pursued any females to date.
What i am saying is accept who you are, and don't try to be someone you might not be able to be your entire life, be honest with whatever partner you have and make it clear you like both sexes and live what happens. By the way, i also have 2 daughters and am so happy i had that part of my life, so i am thankful for that and i am a grandmother of 6. The loss of my marriage was a very very difficult thing for me, but i also had to be myself and have the relationship with the woman too. Accept who you are and good luck. Be true to yourself and don't be afraid. We all have our trials in life.

I think that everyone is a little bi.

I am in a long term monogamous heterosexual relationship. Yet I find women to be incredibly beautiful and sexy. And I'm fine with that.

I think you're at a perfect age to find out about yourself with absolutely no guilt whatsoever. Enjoy the buffet. There are no rules....