Virgin Forever

Here's the first thread of mine in this forum. The reason I have not earlier made a thread in this forum is because sex to me is a 'forbidden' subject to talk about so to speak, not for any religious or moral reasons, but because I have never really discussed or talked about it with anyone and because of my history of sexual abuse. Even after 10 years of counseling I still refuse to talk about my experiences of sexual abuse with a professional.

A concern I do have that isn't too deep or private is if I will ever experience sex in the future, i.e., be a virgin forever. How depressing would that be?

Unfortunately, I will admit that I likely have a higher than average (is there an average?) sex drive, although I have repressed this for a long, long time, and as much as I would like to be close to a female, my inability to connect with members of the opposite sex in my life makes me feel pessimistic about my future love life.

I suppose what I would like to ask is how to cope with these fears of being alone and being a virgin forever?

Someone I was chatting with on PC said that she has male friends that went to Thailand and came back with GFs, and although I think she meant it jokingly, if I become desperate enough I won't rule out doing something like that in the future.

I can't describe how much I don't want to be a lonely virgin for my entire life. I don't think I am beyond accepting love in exchange for money, because while I am told it's not real love, and I don't claim it is, real love seems like something that exists in a fantasy novel, not something I will ever experience. I have much more confidence in my ability to make a lot of money than be loved.

I wish I could turn off all these desires I have to connect with a woman; it would make things so much easier for me. Since I became interested in a relationship I have been an emotional train wreck.

Thanks for reading

(((((hugs)))))

I see from your profile that you're only 22. Don't worry about it, man. I'm not trying to belittle your feelings, but sex really isn't that big of a deal I guess, at least to me. I lost my virginity at 18 to a guy I met online. I went on a date with him and after dinner, well, you can guess what happened. Maybe I should have saved it, but I don't really regret anything. But honestly, the sex itself didn't feel like that big of a deal. Certainly not what I'd led myself to believe it would feel like. Certainly not worth all the hype. Perhaps it's different with someone you've been in a serious relationship with. If that's the case, I can't offer you much advice as I'm in the same situation myself (Single, that is. Seemingly forever single.) Hang in there. I know this doesn't help much but at least know you're not alone.

Only you can prevent neurotypical jerkiness!

I understand your concerns, I really do. But you said that things have been bad since you became interested in a relationship. Is it a relationship that you're really looking for or just sex. No reason you can't have both but I just want to be clear on this.
What do you need from a relationship?
It sounds like you want the love and intimacy more than the sex. Sex you can buy. Love isn't for sale... anywhere. Well maybe a pet store.
More questions How big is your territory? If there aren't a lot of women around you just aren't going to have much of a chance at connecting. When you start the driving thing, your territory is going to become a lot bigger. Maybe something will happen then although your schedule and itinerary may not be ideal for meeting potential mates. I know you're wanting to get something going but you have time. You definitely don't want to settle for just anyone. You can read the posts in relationships forum to see how disastrous that can be.
As for sex... if you aren't really close to your partner then after it's over it's not really that much better than masturbation usually.

Hey man, welcome to this forum. Hope you find some answers here. This is a great spot to open up and even discover things you never knew.

Any ways to your issue. You 22, so sex is not happening for you so much. well knowing what I do about you you are most likely going to struggle a little more then the average person finding the individual. You are quite unique. Don't worry though, I know aspies who are married and have kids. So don't sell your self short.

Sex is highly over rated. It's not that big of a deal or that great of a thing. Who knows you might find a girl who can mold you into what ever she wants. If you have no prior experience then you have no preconceived notions of what to expect really. So that being said you can't screw it up. You can't not like it with nothing to compare it to. A girl just might find it a good thing that you are saving your self for the right woman. That is what you are doing right? I don't think you have anything to worry about. The right person will come along and when they do you will no it. If they don't then you will not know what you are missing. The problems begins once you do have sex and then the sex becomes no more. So keep your head up dude. Read here and see what you can find. There are lots of folks here who are virgins and have lots to share.

Some people say sex is no big deal, but I guess that depends on the person. I'm very sensitive, and my husband is a verrry sensitive redhead. Sex can be a big deal.

I'm sure you are loveable by the right person. Caution: I had to wait til over 40 to be loved. I hope you find mutual acceptance with someone, because physical affection is wonderful. (Again, YMMV. It might end up being nothing to you.)

Yes, Indie, I am 22 years old, but my inability to connect with women my own age is nonetheless a painful experience. It's been so long since I have had a connection with a female that sex to me seems like even less of a possibility than finding love. Forever single and even undesirable as a friend is how it is for me.

George, I would like a relationship but I also would like to experience sex, however I fear neither of these will ever come true.

What do I want from relationship? Wow - I can almost cry thinking about it. I would love to be able to come home to someone that I know cares how my day went and how I am feeling, to be able to share things important to me with someone I can trust and can talk to them when I need help, things along the lines of that.

Instead, and what had been the case for several years, the only meaningful communication I have is online, because I feel like nobody in my real life cares much about me. As helpful as the Internet can be, it cannot replace a real relationship, and on forums like PC, I have to keep most of my life a secret anyhow.

I live in a large, sparsely populated region, George, and while that definitely makes it harder, it wasn't much better for me living in a major urban area. Driving trucks for 16 hours a day for 14 days at a time doesn't sound like much of a social opportunity I am afraid.

I am so tired of being so lonely.

I feel pretty much the same as you...although I'm 24 and a girl. But knowing that most people my age (or younger) are married really bothers me and it only gets worse the older I get.

The thought of being alone the rest of my life plagues me constantly and I wish I could just die, but I'm not brave enough to kill myself. But I still self-harm. Why not? It's not like anyone is ever going to see them or really care that I do that to myself (at least not in real life).

And what really really REALLY burns me (and this may be different from your situation) is that I'm considered very attractive, except I guess I'm not quite skinny enough. Apparently size 12/13 is still considered fat. But apparently I have a pretty face and I have an interesting/fun but eccentric personality. I'm not overly social, but I can interact with other people if given the opportunity and I doubt many people even realize I'm shy. But I can't connect with people. And even if I do, I never see them after class. And it's not like I can even tell someone that I'm interested in them or like them anymore anyway because the last person I mentioned it to got mad and terrorized me to the point that I had to take anti-psychotics to reach any form of normalcy again. And it doesn't matter if that was a supposed "isolated incident", it doesn't matter. I can't do that again. I almost killed myself and I was so terrified for weeks...if it happens again, I don't know if I can survive it again. And I believe it will happen again. I'll experience it again regardless, so it doesn't matter.

I'm interested in someone now...we get along great. Everyone says I'm really pretty. But I'm still going to die alone, a virgin.

And more on that, I need the emotional intimacy more than sex. I'm terrified to have sex anyway. But I still have a sex drive, which is starting to get higher. Which is horrible. I hate feeling like I have these animalistic drives that there's nothing I can do about. It's distracting. Very distracting.

Anyway, I don't have answers unfortunately, but I feel pretty much the same as you do.

Unfortunately, I am definitely not attractive, which further complicates an already difficult situation. People will say such things as beauty is in the eye of the beholder' or some other idealistic platitude, but let's face it, good looks might not be everything but they do help.

What is most troubling for me is not that I can't connect with others but they never seem to like me. No matter what I do I am never enough to be loved. Until Wonder Woman (a term I use to refer to the female supposedly in my future that will love me) appears, I fear that I have an incredibly lonely future ahead of me.

Sex terrifies me too but it is becoming harder to ignore these urges of mine. In public I see people in relationships all the time, and it's depressing to think how long it has been since I had a female in my life. Most of the time I have no one to talk to except a therapist.

I really do believe I am unlovable.

To be fair, people tell me I'm attractive, but I must not be.

I don't connect to other people either. Where I live now people seem to like me, but who really knows.

When I see a couple in public, I'm filled with homicidal rage. It takes all my self control not to run them over with my car etc. It used to just be depressing, but it's way beyond that now.

At least you have a therapist to talk to. I really don't have anyone. Therapists make me feel worse and even more stupid and inept than I was before talking to them.

Not even there.