I hate the female body

Something must be horribly wrong with me. I'm pretty sure I've posted about this before, but I don't think I went very in depth and it's still bothering me so here we go again.

I'm a woman and I hate my body. I hate everything about it. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way I feel about the way I look and feel.

I don't just hate my body. I hate all women's bodies. I don't have any clue how I would change my body if I had the power to because no matter what it looked like, I would hate it. If I had the power to custom design my body like in the Sims or something, I would make a man's body for someone else to live in because I don't want to be a man, but I also don't want to spend time working on a woman's body. I'm never jealous of another woman's body or appearance. They all look either too thick or too thin or something is wrong about them in some way and I hate boobs. They are weird to me. I see pictures of beautiful women all the time like everyone else these days with the media and I never think "I wish I looked like that". I'm often envious of their hair and facial structure but never their bodies which is weird because I'm fat and I hate my body.

I like to draw. I spend hours drawing pictures of men. I get really detailed in trying to get their proportions right and admiring their bodies. I only draw women when I feel weird about never drawing them or I want to draw hair. I also rarely make female game characters like in the Sims. In a game that doesn't require that much customization, I'm more likely to play as either gender.

I like porn. I don't like naked women and female genitalia completely disgusts me. I avoid this by watching exclusively gay porn. I tried bisexual porn with two guys and a girl because maybe I would like to imagine myself in the girl's place but the fact that a woman was present in the video turned me off completely.

What is wrong with me? I feel like this isn't normal. I'm straight and I identify as a woman. I've never been with a guy at all except for when I was violated as a child. Is that the problem? Do I hate myself so much because of that that I hate thinking about anyone that looks like me? Am I latently bisexual and trying to avoid that by never associating with women's bodies? I believe in spectrum sexuality so I mean more attracted to women than I'm allowing myself to consciously recognize because I think everyone is at least a little bi. But I feel like I'm pretty open minded and would be okay with me being attracted to a woman. I've just never been attracted to one. Maybe my gender identity isn't clear? I hate wearing dresses or dressing in a feminine way. I only feel comfortable in gender neutral clothing or even more masculine. I think that is a way for me to protect myself from getting attention as a woman and not a gender identify thing, but I don't know. I don't want to be a woman, but I feel like a woman. I want to want to be a woman and I don't want to be a man. I'm just confused and maybe I'm just trying to blame all of this confusion on something other than the CSA.

Ive been trying to research this. There isnt much on it. Its a big effin deal if a man doesnt feel like a man - yhey research the buck out of it - absent father? Overbearing mother? Ohno what do we do?? - but if a woman doesnt feel womanly, who cares? So far im finding maybe your mother wasnt around enough for you to learn how to be a girl, so too bad. That definitely works in my case - i even asked my dad if we could ask her to move out - i thought my mother was a boarder and i told him she was mean to me. I was like two. He explained to me we had to keep her. Anyway not a lot of bonding and identifying happening there. So its hard to pinpoint what did NOT happen. Thats partly why neglect is not benign.

My mom was overbearing and also abusive. She would mock me whenever I did anything effeminate. She was very emotionally neglectful but it wasn't like she wasn't around. My dad was like a boarder to me. A boarder that hurt me when she told me to and hurt me in ways I didn't understand at the time.

I think it's less taboo for a women to refuse to dress like a woman than it is for a man to not like dressing like a man.

Yeah it was like, my mother wouldnt get close to me, but she wouldnt let anybody else get close to me either. Im serious, the literature just isnt out there. And what is out there is so unaccessible. Im trying to read "Like Subjects, Love Objects: essays on recognition and sexual difference" by Jessica Benjamin. Its a SLOG. Im gonna have to swallow my pride and ask my t to explain it to me. Or turn off the tv and make an effort myself. Or go find the writer and punch her.

I don't even understand what the title means. The difference between liking people and wanting to sleep with them? There is an official difference? Don't you just kinda know if you're attracted to someone like how you just know if you like peanut butter or not?

oddly enough I find women and mens genitalia both equaly disgusting and attractive, for different reasons. just letting you know your not the only one, tho I do think boobs are hot and beards as disgusting.

I feel like that is more normal though because plenty of people aren't attracted to either gender.

The title refers to um a branch of psychology - intersubjectivity, i think? Where you are a subject and other people are objects. You learn to be a person how? By being like someone else; hence like or alike subjects. And then the object of your affection.

Women's bodies are often lauded in the general media, while men's are ridiculed. Women's bodies are said to be beautiful, works of art, and so forth, while men's are ugly, hairy, and gross. It's interesting to hear an opinion that differs from this mainstream view.

yeah I've kinda been brainwashed by media and religion, guilty as charged.

Yeah the media always says women's bodies are curvy and smooth while men have "ugly" penises. That's really not far. What is so inherently ugly about body hair and a more "chunky" build? Why is "smooth" beautiful? There are lots of smooth curves on a man's body. Maybe it's under some hair, maybe not.

And the whole ugly penis thing, some penises are ugly. Some are quite beautiful. It's in the eye of the beholder. But society has decided that they are all ugly because an oozing hole is better than a protruding tube. At least the hole doesn't distract from the whole smooth thing right? Art has more than just smooth, curved lines. If it didn't, it would be boring and would lose a lot of meaning.

I tried to even tell this to my T. She even brought up the whole ugly penis thing. If I were a man saying that I hate male bodies, that would be fine. A women saying she hates the female body, that's sad and I need to learn to love myself. I guess people only care that women love their bodies and have a positive body image. No one seems to care about men's body image because they are all arrogant and self absorbed right?

It's stupid.

I would, perhaps at the risk of stereotype (in which case I apologize...I don't mean any offense toward anyone), figure that the focus on the female body is a societal response to the epidemiology of eating disorders. Statistically speaking, 80% of instances of bulimia occur in women. I remember in health class as early as middle school as having a definite "spin" towards females in regards to eating disorders. It's a bandaid approach to a complex problem, but...it's what I've noticed.

Speaking to you, what is it you dislike about the female body? Can you bounce a few ideas as to maybe why you feel this way? I know you mentioned weight (which I would tell you truthfully, don't get yourself down on that buddy. ), but it sounds like your distaste extends far deeper than that. I'd love to help, but more info would be beneficial in that.

Hugs,
Harley

Yes that is probably why body image is represented as a female problem. It does tend to be an issue that a lot of women have. I don't exactly have an idea of how men experience body image issues and I don't know how many men chose not to talk about them if they have them. It is a complicated topic, but what isn't complicated is how society does praise the female body and then say that male bodies are ugly either directly or indirectly. And that's not fair.

I don't like breasts. They are weird to me. I don't like mine, I don't like seeing other people's breasts, I don't want to touch other people's breasts and I get upset when I accidentally do.

I don't like female hips and butts. I don't like the shape. I don't like how wide woman's hips are. I don't like how the butt looks like a deflated upside down heart. I don't like women's thighs. They are weird to me.

I hate vaginas. They are beyond disgusting little caves that secrete disgusting liquids and bleed once a month.

I hate my own body. I hate how broad my shoulders are. I hate how big my hands are. Women are supposed to have cute little hands. Mine are man hands. I hate my boobs. They are too big and never fit right under my shirt and in my bra. I know that people see them and look at them. I hate that. They are embarrassing.

I could continue but I won't because it just goes. on like that.

Yeah, either cute teeny tiny little hands, or bony thin hands. I have farmer hands. Like literally. Thats who survived. But this is their last generation. Sorry, ancestors. I feel bad about that.

As a guy...lol I'm not really sure how we experience the body either. I mean, there's a degree of an..."ideal," I guess, but it's just sorta there. I'm not really able to speak much on that, I'm afraid. I don't think it's calling us "ugly" though...just a substantial difference in emphasis.

Well, I do see your complaints. I'd tell you in instances where you mention yourself to not worry...there's, in my experience, a great societal pressure that people, especially women, are "supposed" to look a certain way. That pressure is crap. Beauty, real beauty, isn't just a matter of "A is beautiful. B-Z are not." What is beautiful is a range of things, a factor of many parts, not just "A." So, even if you do have "man hands," that doesn't mean there's something wrong.

The other parts though...I see your points, but I can't follow the logic as to how you drew your conclusions (lol minus the bit on vaginas, to a small degree...if I started bleeding, I'd probably have a mild stroke. Never understood how one just gets used to that, but I have a *major* aversion to blood. ). Now that I see your conclusions, how did you come to them?

Hey there, could it be that you maybe have no psychical gender at all? It's called "Neutrois". They are actually many people like that. In some ways, I really feel like you. Unfortunately born in a female body, I would decribe myself as "mentally genderless with male tendencies". I agree with you that female sex organs look disgusting; and I'm not comfortable with my other female parts either. Made me feel quite hateful from time to time. Even though I'm usually attracted to men, there are some special women who I find very beautiful or attractive (even with their female shapes) - I just don't want to be like that. I don't feel like it. And somehow, I'm glad I don't. It's really hard to find yourself and inner peace sometimes, I know that. There are times you find it and it stays constant for a time, then, changes come again. That never really stops, I guess... but maybe it's good that way. I hope you'll be able to find your inner peace some day! Never forget that what truly matters is the inside. And with that, of course I don't mean inner organs - I mean your mind. The mind can be anything, the mind is free.

Those are three completely different "hates".

Women's butts often do look like a deflated upside down heart - it is a very apt description - so you are describing a common reality. So you "hate" something that commonly is a part of a female's appearance.

Then, you hate your shoulders and hands because they look manly. So here your "hate" is about not fitting a stereotype.

Then you hate your boobs because they are too big. So you "hate" having a lot of a body characteristic of a female.

Finally, you hate how your boobs do not fit in a bra. This is actually an easily solvable problem - if you get professionally fitted by a bra fitter at Nordstrom or one of the specialty lingerie stores, you would get bra that would house your boobs just right. You would need to change the bras every 6 months, though, and care for them properly, never putting them in the dryer, washing them on delicate and drying them on hangers in the position that the bras would have on your body. It is a lot of expense, both in terms of money and time, but as they say a problem is not a problem when it is solvable by throwing money on it - it is just an item of expenditure.

***

The three "hates" that are not items of expenditure but actual problems are distinct: 1) hate normal female body look 2) hate not having feminine features such as narrow shoulders or little hands 3) hate having too much of a feminine feature.

One can say that problem (3) might go away on its own if you start wearing expensive, well-engineered bras.

So down to problems (1) and (2) - and this gets really complicated, because they are in direct contradiction with one another - if (1) is true, then you should welcome having manly features, but that contradicts (2).

You are a very complex individual with a lot of internal torment and internal conflict. Hopefully your music career will benefit a lot from that level of complexity inside you, so there is a silver lining.

I wonder why you used the words "...whenever I did anything effeminate."
What actions did you do that your mom could construe as "effeminate," lacking in testicular fortitude ("balls" as opposed to "ovaries"), and so on? What made them inappropriate? Why did you use that wording? Maybe if we probed this a little, we might find something important....

The most recent example is when she mocked me for using hairspray.

Nah. I think labels like that are a bit unnecessary. Maybe they aren't for you, but for me, I just prefer to reject the gender roles I don't like and take in the ones I do. I think I'm afraid of male attention due to CSA and that's why I avoid dressing better or working on my body more.

It's been a while since I made this thread and I've observed more stuff. I think I hate the female body because I hate my own so much from the abuse from my father as well as my mother criticizing it so much that all I see are flaws. I think that instead of me recognizing getting jealous of other women's bodies, I intentionally find everything wrong with it to make myself feel better.

They don't usually make me feel uncomfortable anymore. They mostly just bore me. I still hate breasts for some reason or another. Large naked breasts. Not sure why.

I still love the male body. I've recently been even more inclusive about the body type. Skinny, chubby, toned, quite fat, muscular, hairy, clean shaven. I love hairy a lot. Idk. I just think they are beautiful.

It sounds like your mother has influenced your self image since she's critical of any femininity on you part, which is strange since most mothers would encourage that.

This is interesting because my experience has been that pretty much everything about a man is "gross". My experience has been that if a guy doesn't look like Hugh Jackman, then he's inferior in some way or another.

Our hands are rough and clumsy. We have hair where nobody wants it; shoulders, ears, etc. Our skin gets dry and we often have cuts and bruises. And don't even get started about the whole penis thing. Everyone likes to stop short of what happens during sex. That whole ejaculation thingy? Yeah, seems like that must be the most disgusting thing on the planet next to sea cucumbers and Rush Limbaugh.

Then there's the idea that men are idiots and imbeciles. The media portrays us as clueless parents, bumbling dolts and heck, we make up 80% of the Darwin Awards.

So yeah, there's a definite "Ideal" and every male that doesn't meet those physical requirements is gross, inferior and even a little dumb.

I love male hands. They are so big and warm. Everyone gets dry skin in some places.

Women get hair where no one wants either. Armpits, legs, some faint mustache. We just shave it off. Men who have hair in their ears and nose typically trim it.

Penises can absolutely be beautiful. They can also be ugly. Ejaculation can be kinda hot. Yeah it's still gross but female bodies do gross stuff too (periods).

Men as a group can be pretty dumb. But many men are individually quite intelligent. Not Rush Limbaugh though. Bad example.

But yeah. I think the media needs to embrace male body positive as well.

I think your hatred of your body (and other female bodies) comes from our sexist culture. You are taught that women are inferior, never good enough, so you can't see value in them. I'm not saying this is your fault. It's the patriarchy.

I hope you are joking.

This entire thread has been about how the media and culture really values the female body. People talk about how all "women's bodies are beautiful" and say that penises are ugly. I've been taught that women are beautiful and men are ugly idiots since as long as I can remember. But we were talking about how the male body never has any positive attention unless they are super buff and wondering how that impacts their self esteem.

Maybe you could make the argument that society believes the female body is supposed to be beautiful and they push that idea through sexualizing it and criticizing women's bodies that do not fit that mold. However, I believe that most humans are sexual creatures who sexualize all other humans by nature and that isn't something caused by the way anyone is portrayed in the media or by the "patriarchy". And pointing out flaws in women's bodies is an effective marketing technique that is used on both sexes.

If the reason was society or "the patriarchy", you'd see a lot more people with similar opinions as me which you don't. You see a lot of women struggle with body image, but you don't see many women going so far as finding little interest in creating female characters in games and barely ever drawing pictures of women. People are naturally insecure about their bodies. Society rubs that wound but it didn't create it and it certainly isn't responsible for creating someone's more severe body image issues.

As a CSA victim and someone who was forced to disrobe, get on a scale, and screamed at when I didn't lose weight every week of my childhood, I find simply blaming my body issues on "the patriarchy" devaluing of my experience. It's also sexist because it blames men for my problems along with lumping me into all other women like I have no unique value or experiences.