I hate myself

I just want to know how do I get to like myself.I always had low self esteem.I always thought I was ugly now I think I am fat and ugly.I am 306 lbs currently and I am trying to lose weight by doing Focus T25, weight lift and recumbent bike.I am trying to lose weight to see if it will help with my self esteem.I was talking to my step sister the other day and she said I was being a insecure *****.Apparently she does not know how it feel to be like me.Later she did say that I had a good personality and good sense of humor and the only thing I am clinging onto is the insecure ***** part.Its like she don't care about me.I was told if I don't like myself then other people wont either but I don't know how to and I can't afford to see a therapist.I have no job.I have never had a girlfriend and I hadn't had a friend since 2002 and I am 32 years old.I live near Albany, Ga and I don't think there is any places around here to meet people.I was bullied in High School and military school and now I just really hate myself and I don't know how to fix it.I have never liked my self and the only good things that are said about me is that I have a good personality and good sense of humor but I don't think that is good enough if I want to find a girlfriend since I am morbidly obese.People tell me that they went out with a fat person but that is not me so I have never had a girl to like me ever.I had a friend that went with the girl that he knew I liked behind my back and I found out about by she calling me one day and told me about it.I though they were my friends and cared about but they didn't.I haven't heard from them since and she moved out of state.I just don't think it worth find friends or gf since all they gonna do is use me.My friend that I had last I heard was in jail and I heard he stole a check from his granddad and he years ago stole money out of my checking account from when I was bootcamp.It just seems like everything in my life that happened to me is negative.I don't see the positive.I am a really negative person and I see negative in stuff and not the positives.I wish I could become a positive person and I dont know how to do it.I dont go out anywhere I stay in my room 99 percent of the time.I just hope I can change one day.

I would like to see your sister show you what love looks like. Sometimes I think we do not love ourselves because we do not know how. Glad you are trying to lose weight. Do it for yourself, not to get a girlfriend. Remind yourself every day that you have a great personality and a great sense of humor.

Sometimes I think trying to make friends is kind of backwards. Try to be a friend to others with no agenda other than to be helpful. When i get opportunities to give of myself, it is very satisfying.

You have to make the effort to see positives. It is so easy to see the negatives. It takes effort to see the positives. Make the choice every day to look for good things to be thankful for. Say things out loud, like, Sis, your hair is sure pretty and shiny today. Or, thank you so much for saying I have a great personality . It means a lot to me. Or, if your sister is negative, open your arms and ask if she needs a hug. You may shock her, but reward her shock with a big grin.

this is great advice!! do what is good for you. working out is good for you in so many ways. it calms your anxiety, it gives you a feeling of accomplishment, it helps you sleep...and it does help with weight loss too. I also think that giving to others is a great help to us mentally and emotionally, it takes us out of our own issues and it is just very rewarding. you can actually lose yourself in it and at the end of the day the world is a different place. hang in there!!

Hey krisjack,

This has been good advice. You will feel better about yourself when you lose weight. That's awesome. But be prepared for your brain to tell you "this won't work, it's too hard" and all that stuff. It's the primitive part saying ooo-discomfort-stop! But the smarter part of your brain is in command and knows it's worth the challenge an the pain to get better. And please do it for YOU, not the gf. The gf will come in time when you feel better about yourself, and you'll attract healthier ones.

Also, don't look to people like your sister for motivation. They may care about you, but they don't often know how to help. They say stuff that they think you need to hear but they're stuck in thinking about your situation only one way. Look to people who are doing what you're doing, and will help you along.

You are unlikely to lose weight permanently, but quite likely to reap many benefits from your workouts, such as strength, muscle tone, stamina, improved mood, etc. I knew two morbidly obese men at my last job. Both were married to skinny wives and both had small children.

So be realistic and do not expect long term weight loss since the chances of that happening are very, no pun intended, slim, but do continue your awesome workouts and you will feel better about yourself, not only because exercise produces beneficial brain chemicals, but also because you have achieved your fitness goals (fitness and size are unrelated).

Sent from my SGH-T889 using Tapatalk

I suffer from this too KrisJack. I am currently 200 pounds and I hate the way I look, I feel I am fat and ugly too. I bought the T25 system too and haven't been able to get past 6 minutes of it. I literally did just 6 minutes and gave up. I totally understand how you feel. 99 percent of my time is in my room too and im 33 years old. Its amazing how similar our lives are.

But I tell myself that I am beautiful and someone will love me again. Unlike you I have had many other relationships but they didn't help my self-esteem it actually hurt it. People can be mean.

But don't give up! I am going to try the T25 system again and get right back up on it.

Good luck to you and remember we are worth it!

Yeah I can do the whole thing of T25.I also added bike and weight lifting and lat pull down bar.I am at day 50.Since I guess I am not active I am not losing that much just yet.I still need to work on eating habits as well.I will one day lose weight and I believe it is possible for me to do so.I just need not to stop and not let other people tell me I cannot do it.

That you are not losing weight may signal that you are gaining muscle, which would mean good things rather than bad things. I am not saying to you that you cannot lose weight; I am saying that if you are like 95% of people who try, permanent (not short term, but permanent) weight loss will elude you due to the normal workings of your body and not due to anything subpar on your end, be it not enough effort, eating more than you think you should, etc. Faced with the fact of failing at their weight loss goals, people feel defeated and often give up exercise, which is a bad idea. If you set measurable, achievable goals that relate to your fitness (say, the number of HITs you do on the bike), you won't set yourself up for feeling defeated, but the opposite will happen - success breeds success, and your success at exercise will improve your conference level enough for you to try other things and be successful at them. You will get into an upward spiral rather than a downward spiral.

Well right now I am on day 52 on focus t25 so I have had some feeling to quit but I feel to good since I have been working out to stop.I can breathe better and I feel stronger.If I didn't have all of this fat hiding my muscle I probably would look pretty good lol.

A fat man with muscle underneath the fat still looks better than a similarly fat man without such muscle. Also, now that you can breathe better, you won't be embarrassed by shortness of breath in social situations. So I would say that you have already made laudable progress.

Yeah I have given up on finding a girl so I am going to die a virgin.It is not possible for me to find a girlfriend or anything like that.I don't go anywhere I have not friends and I dont know what to do to change it.I really dont think losing weight will change that and I am really getting frustrated with the 66 days of T25 that I only lost 10 to 13 lbs.I really hate myself for getting this fat and let myself go.I don't think it is worth while for me to go out and put myself out there since there is nobody out there for me.Woman my age wouldn't want a ugly fat *** like me and a soon to be 33 year old virgin to boot.I just need to accept the fact that I am alway's going to be alone and never have sex and there is nothing I can do about it.I can want it more than anything in the world but it won't mean anything.No female has ever liked me and they never will and I just have to accept it.Online dating sites don't work all they want is my money and then I get girls looking at my profile and not sending me any pms or anything so I guess they see my ugly *** and be turned off.My life really really sucks and there is nothing I can do about it and that sucks more.

Kris, as you were writing this, some gal who hates herself was writing something similar. And not one, but many. But you need to change focus from losing weight to building a social support network.

I wouldn't know how to do that since I have no friends.I live with my mom and step dad and 14 yr old brother and 16 yr old that of my step dads

Hey man check out my threads. I was engaged to a gorgeous italian girl at 28. 3 months before we were to get married i got caught cheating. Now im going through delusions. Check out my threads, ur not alone. Im dealing with so much also. If you need to talk friend me. Good luck

Exercising has helped a bit on depression but not on the anxiety and shyness.I have lost 13 lbs since Jan so I think I am doing something right.I mean I lost most of it recently.I have finally got out of the 300's.I now am at 297 and I hope in a year time I will be 190 to 200 range.

Totally doable krisjack. Totally. You can do that for sure.

I just wish I could have done this when I got out of bootcamp before I got fat 14 yrs ago.

The rewards then wouldn't have been nearly as high as when you accomplish it now. Conquering now is going to be an even more amazing opportunity.

Yeah maybe if I lose weight woman will be attracted to me.I never had one like me or think I was cute or anything and I will be 33 next month.

It's never too late. Hang in there!

I will never have a girlfriend.I have no friends no job I don't go anywhere.I just stay at home.The only way I will have one is if she comes to my house and knock on my door and ask me out and that will never happen.I can't go up to someone and ask out and I wouldn't know where to begin.I given up on finding a girlfriend a long time ago.Nobody wanted me ever.Not in high school and not when I got out of bootcamp in dec of 2000.I don't think a female could ever like me it as if I am a chick repellent.I am ugly and fat and nobody wants to be with someone like like even if I have a good personality and great sense of humor.

Look around more man. Look at all the people that really aren't good looking and they're still with someone. Look at all the jerks who are with someone. The least attractive thing to a woman is a guy hating himself or saying "woe is me" or crying in her lap saying "don't leave me." I have heard this over and over and over and over...and over...I'm 34.

Kris you need to talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend or sister who was feeling fat and ugly. Would you try to encourage them? If you talked to her like the the way you are talking to yourself right now, we would all think you're a total jerk and tell you to back off and shut up. I know you feel bad but you have to stop ranting on yourself or nothing will ever change and you will undo any progress you make. Then it will be no one's fault but yours bro.

Why do I come off as a jerk.I don't get it.Just because I have no self esteem does not mean I am a jerk. Just because other people have relationship has no barring on my situation.Every other person at my age has been with someone or at least had someone interested in them.I had neither happen to me.If I knew someone had liked be I would think different but no female.I send pm's to chicks on okcupid and I haven't gotten one reply.They look at my profile and see that I am fat and ugly and move on to a more attractive person so I have given up on online dating sites.Those things don't work and wast of time and if u pay for it waste of money.If a woman would be interested in me my self esteem would rise.I just don't think anyone would be interested in me cause nobody has before so I figure if I lived 33 years on this planet with nobody interested in dating me or anything so I figure it is not possible.If my self esteem keeps woman away that is stupid to me cause it would change my life and I gain more confidence in myself.No shrink no soul searching will ever do that.I don't know how to change my mindset and gain more confidence till that happens.I sit in my bed 95 percent of the time and workout about 30 mins a day.Lost 13 lbs so far.Sometimes I think why am I trying to lose weight.I sometime think it does not matter if I have a 4 pack 6 pack or 8 pack abs I cannot change how I look.I am still going to be a unattractive person.It don't matter if I am the most positive person the most confident person females still won't give me a chance so I am going up against a brick wall I feel like with no change in sight.Sometimes I think stop working out it just going to prolong my miserable life.If I stop working out I will hopefully die younger that is what I think sometimes and I hate it.I don't know how to change.I don't know what to do to be able to go out and gain enough courage to go up to a girl and ask out cause just the thought of it freaks me out.From the time I was in the 6th grade I figured I will be alone all my life.In conclusion I have no reason to believe any different than I do right now.

I am 328 lbs. Started walking on treadmill

Sent from my SCH-i705 using Tapatalk