[BamaSurvivor]

I don't know if it's from all the abuse I endured as a child, or the abuse I put on myself as a teen, or the thought of knowing I hate me, or all combined together... It just seems impossible for me to love me. It seems no matter how much I open my heart for others, I can't do it for myself. I've been through so many relationships seeking love or at least care, and I was used 90% of the time for sexual reasons, which lowered my self esteem even further.

I *want* to love me, I really do... But how? I've tried so many things from exercising and dieting to lose weight, getting off drugs to try cleaning up my attitude and self worth, I've even did the whole stare in the mirror each morning and tell myself that I'm beautiful... None of it helps me. So confused, I am.

[vacantangel]

Sorry sweetie, I wish I had the answers for you but I'm still trying to figure it out for me too. You're further ahead than I am in trying to figure things out. I'm just starting to work on my self-esteem in therapy now. We've only gone as far as me listing what I hate about myself and what good qualities I have. I do realize I have some good qualities but ..... I don't think I'll finish that sentence.

I'm hoping somebody is gonna come into this forum and lend us a hand on what we can do.

[Rapunzel]

I'm with you in that this is also something I struggle with. To be honest, the reason I volunteered to moderate this forum was because I know that I need it, although I resist it with all I've got way too often. For today, I made myself read the article that DocJohn posted for us in his introduction. I'm going to need to reread it a few times and try to get it to sink in. Maybe we can discuss what we learn here. I'll post some "Positive Psychology" links too that I've been collecting and not processing as well as I should. I don't have the answers, but I'm searching too. Sometimes it's easier to see the good in others than in ourselves. Maybe we can help each other by helping to point out the positive qualities we see in each other.

[Wants2Fly]

I just checked out the link pages that Dr. John provided. I had all the prerequisites for low self-esteem in childhood. I have exhibited all of the three faces of low self-esteem at various times in adulthood -- and sometimes simultaneously! I have suffered the bad effects of low self-esteem throuighout my life, including under-achievement, drug/alcohol abuse, and trouble with relationships.

Over 30 years, I have gradually learned to use some of the tools. I want to learn to add others to my repertoire. For example, having fun. I barely know what it means to have joyous exuberant fun -- I sure wasn't experiencing that during my childhood as I tried to do everything perfectly and not get yelled at.

I've made some progress. I attribute this to my association in adulthood with people who give hugs, who patiently offered me alternate perspectives for viewing my self and my life, therapists who taught me some of these tools, friends who urge me to take care of myself, including Forums friends.

Steady work over the course of 30 years has produced results -- not as great as I would have liked. But improvement. I wish the same for you, Bama, Angel, Rapunzel, and everyone who visits this thread. And, of course, for me too.

[BamaSurvivor]

Angel, when I first started therapy, we did that too... My therapy had me write down my dislikes and likes about myself. It was unreal how many dislikes I had, and only a handful of good things, if that... There are a few things that's been marked off my 'dislike' list, but it's still not on the 'like' list, you know? It's a very slow process for most of us but any progress is good progress!

Rapunzel, you're truely a selfless person. I've seen many of your posts and you're constantly giving comforting words and often times inspiration. I admire that.

Wants2, friends and family definately help with self esteem issues... Most of my friends are people from online and they help me a great deal when I'm feeling really crumby about myself.

[jmo531]

This is something I struggle with all the time. Your braver then I am to look in the mirror. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror

Sometimes I don't even recognize myself anymore. I try to think positive, stay positive.....but it's so hard.

I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you. Your not alone in this struggle.

[SeptemberMorn]

Today, in my email, I found this from a friend/mentor of mine. It proves that things DO happen for a reason and they happen at the right time. My mouth is still hanging open from reading this. I hope you get some answers out of it just like I did.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
To be quite honest, I've Always felt I was more attractive inside than outside. I've spent my life trying to figure out who that "person" in the photograph is, or wondering who's on the other side of the mirror--because it certainly bears NO resemblance to the "one" on the other side of these eyes--Me.

As I've biologically aged, this dilemma has continued. I'm Ever so much Younger inside than I appear to be outside. The phrase, "What's wrong with this picture?" has prevailed all my days. And it's rather interesting that (to give an illusion of space) this RV is loaded with mirrored walls, yet I rarely perceive them as such--or the reflections
as having Anything to do with myself--until I'm cleaning them.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's ME she's talking about... not her.

I've asked her and it's okay with her that I post her picture in my gallery. I'll be doing it in a bit. Her name is Beth. Look for her.

[Wants2Fly]

My mom, who is 80, always tells me that she forgets how old she is until she looks in the mirror. I always felt mature beyond my years. Even as a child I fantasized being able to take care of myself well and that the only thing holding me back was that a child couldn't earn a sufficient income.

There was a kind of brief period in my mid-20s to around 40 where men were so attentive to my looks that I finally started to believe that I was physically attractive and take advantage of that. Of course, that period of time has passed.

I feel as if I have felt middle aged forever.

[Eva1nder]

I have always had self esteem issues since I was a lil kid. When I was at my worst and was released from the hospital the doctor told me that was the foundation for some of my biggest issues and I thought that was so odd. I have so much love for people. I'm so good on the inside, but such disgust and hate for myself. In my experiences I've dissociated so much with myself that I don't even think about it in either sense. I don't like to think about myself at all. Good or bad. If I think in either direction it hurts too much. Stirs the pot too much. I don't like to look at myself too much. Many people will compliment me on my looks especially because of what I used to look like. I was I guess what you would consider "pretty" in my teens and very early 20's. After I had my son and got sick. I ballooned almost tripple my body weight and my face got scarred from medicine, which did a number on my already troubled mind. I changed immensily again from all that. It's funny because I'm extremely uncomfortable when people will compliment me on my looks, but I mean I don't want to look bad either. I think i assoicate not looking "good" with being sick and when people compliiment me on how good I look well they are just not seeing how sick I am on the inside. I'm not sure if that makes any sense.

Enough of my rambling. Want I want to say is...any info or group supports I would like to be in on to. I could use it in this area. And I'd like to offer support as well .

[vacantangel]

You make perfect sense to me. I can relate to some of the things that you mentioned, like having so much love for people. Being good on the inside but hating the outside, even though I'm often told I'm pretty, even by total strangers. I just don't get it cuz I don't see it myself. I can't figure out what they're talking about. Unfortunately, even though I know there is a lot of good on the inside, most people have this preconceived idea of who they think I am and it's not the same person that I know myself to be. Their idea is a very negative one of me.

[BamaSurvivor]

I hope raising your self esteem is possible for all of you, you all seem to be beautiful people. I just really think self confidence and self love isn't for me at this point.

[SeptemberMorn]

WOW, Eva, that's a whole lot to go through! Just think, you have to be a pretty strong person to have made it through. Remember, we're all here for you.

[Eva1nder]

Ty SeptemberMorn

[SeptemberMorn]

You're most sointaintly welcome!