[LostandLonleySoul]

I just found out that I'm pregnant. I don't know what to do. It's like my brain is mush. I really now feel like I'm doing the wrong thing about getting an Order Of Protection against him (he held me against my will for 3 months and severly abused me, but I loved him first). I really feel that I should go back to him or maybe just tell him that I'm pregnant. I have no idea what to do. I hear my mom and dad talking about what I should do. I am 23 yrs. old I think that I should have at least a little to say about the matter, it is my body and my baby. How do I tell them how I FEEL about this. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hi, Kathie.....I just read your post. I've read other posts before tonight. How exactly did this man abuse you? pat

[Kathyanita]

I hope you will get some counseling and support that is specific to your situation as a single woman who is carriing the child of an abusive partner BEFORE telling him anything. You cant unring a bell so go slow with what and when you share with him if anything. Stay physically away from him and seek support and advice from women who have delt with your experience in their oewn lives. Kathi you will be taxed to the limit physically and emotionally in the coming months so conserve your strength and energy in the service of your mind and body and the coming child.

[wi_fighter]

Kathie, this is awfully close to home for me, so it's hard for me to objectively give you any advice.

I once thought I loved my abuser, had two children with him, but once I recognized what he did to me was abuse, there's no way I could consider going back to him. If I did, I'd be dead. Emotional abuse doesn't leave bruises on the outside. It breaks you down from the inside out. I have doubts that's the kind of life you'd want your child to have? Just because you once loved him, doesn't mean you have to go back to him because you got pregant.

I want to be supportive, but I can't. I get the feeling you want to be told it's OK to go back to this man, and IT'S NOT!!

After reading your posts up to this point, I can't imagine how you could possibly think the right thing to do is go back to this guy who for all intents and purposes kidnapped and raped you.

[LostandLonleySoul]

A lot of the abuse was physical some emotional and some sexual. I just don't know what to do. Pat I know there is some truth to what you said. The whole time I was with him he told me that he can't have no more kids. When I asked him why he said that he didn't use protection and none of his ex's got pregnant. I am almost 5 months along. I tried to deny it saying that I was going through menopause, but now my parents took me to the dr. because my stomach started to get bigger. I have decided that for now I won't tell him.

I have to go to court on May 9 and I'm scared that he will see my stomach. I'm to the point where I can't hide it. I cried so hard last night because I don't really know what to do yet with the baby. I wanna keep it, but then I don't know if I will be able to handle it emotionally.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well, a clue to what his behavior will be is in the fact that he said none of his exes got pregnant, when he didn't use protection. He will not believe that it is his baby and he will abuse you terribly for it. Abuse intensifies, never decreases.......a man who abuses a woman doesn't respect her or himself. Would you actually risk the death of the baby for him? He's nothing above pond scum. And pond scum stinks. You must re-consider even thinking about him.....He will kill you..and possibly the baby. pat

[wi_fighter]

Kathie, I just went and re-read quickly what you first wrote about him in Anxiety on 4/14.

You CAN'T go back to this guy. He's watched you try to kill yourself SEVEN TIMES??!! He's carved "die *****" in your arm?!

You don't know what to do? You get a restraining order and protect yourself and that baby is what you do. You say it's your body, but think for a moment how your parents are going to feel when they're putting that same body in the ground after you decide to go back to this guy because he has you in a mind fog.

[LostandLonleySoul]

It is so hard for me to sit here and read over and over what you said. I know it's the truth and I really appreciate it. I can't remember who, but someone wrote that now he has a legal right to be in my life. I am in the prosess of getting an order of protection. I just can't stop thinking that I am betraying what my parents have said all my life. My biological mother went to the measure of telling Jr. when I was in a mental hospital.

[nothemama8]

Kathie if he abused you he would do the same to the child, they prey on the weak
Angie

excuse me, someone who watched you try to kill yourself has a legal right to be in your life? where did you come up with that? he is a serial abuser and if you do "let" him back into your life, he'll kill you and the baby. and he carved on your arm? you would rear a child in a home with someone who carved on your arm? i certainly hope that you make the right decision. the decision to save your and the babies lives.....

[LostandLonleySoul]

The one thing that I'm worried about is the fact that I have to go to court and he will see that I am pregnant and he will have a peternity test done and he will have to be around me.

what state do you live in?

[LostandLonleySoul]

illinois
he lives in indiana

my strongest feeling about this, Kathie, is that you need serious counseling to get through this. please call lthe local mental health clinic and you can get a therapist through them. do you have other children? does the "person" have any children? you also could talk to a lawyer and find out your rights. for god's sake, quit worrying about his rights. he has no right to hold you prisoner, like he did and you need a lot of people to tell you that so you'll see what you would be getting back into....pat

[LostandLonleySoul]

I have 2 kids. My ex husband has them. He lost all parental rights to his kids when he was in prison.

I am seeing a therapist. She doesn't know that I am pregnant yet. i see her next mon.

how many does he have? kathie, kathie, kathie....can you tell by looking at both your pasts that you don't need to be together with a child? why did your husband get custody of yours?

[LostandLonleySoul]

Jr. didn't want me to leave so he started to tie me to the bed and no one knew where I was at. I missed the start of my visitation (he got two weeks and then i got two weeks). I kinda couldn't make it to the court date.

kathie, this is more than i can help you with. i just think that you're in denial about this person and you've got big issues that i hope you can work through with a therapist. i'm sorry, but i just don't feel capable to advise you...xoxo pat p.s. i would like to suggest that you listen to your parents. and you said "it's my body and my baby"....kathie, you have two other children that you can't be responsible for...think of that. your parents should be listened to.okay?

[wi_fighter]

Jr. is the guy who got you pregnant? So you lost your two kids because of this guy and you're questioning whether you should go back to him?

Kathie, go read your original post in Anxiety, when you first got here. Read the last paragraph of diagnoses you have BECAUSE of this guy. Do you really, REALLY want your death diagnosis to come because of this guy too?

[nothemama8]

Kathie looking back at your first post these are things you need to realize:
1. He forced you to stay (held you against your will)
2. Verbally abused you (Verbal, mental abuse)
3. Cut you, Beat you (Physical abuse)
4.Had other men rape you (they could be the father)
5. Watched you attempt suicide (mental abuse)
6. Threatened your life with a gun (Terrorist threats)
This is a dangerous animal, not someone who deserves compassion , if he did these things to you he will do them to another woman or to a child, even if he saw you in your condition he would deny it saying it was the other men that he had use you.
Stop being the victum and put his ***** in jail get the PFA papers done today, you don't need a lawyer or court hearing just go to the court house and do it
Angie

[LostandLonleySoul]

well he showed up here last night. i think i'm gonna go away. that is the only way. I might be on now and again but that is it.

[LostandLonleySoul]

i decided to keep the baby and go away.

[nothemama8]

Have you talked this over with your T, your parents and a lawyer
Angie

[nothemama8]

Trying to get the trigger sign on this

[LostandLonleySoul]

I called the lawyer this morning. I have to really sit and think about it. I have not been able to talk with my doc about it. I know that I can't run forever, but that sounds like the best clue. Two nights ago he showed up at my house. I called the police, but they couldn't find him seeing he left before the cops got here. I spent almost all day in bed yesterday, then relized that I can't hide all my life. I just need to sit and think about everything and see how court goes on the 9th for the "real" order of protection. I know that with him breaking the tempory one he screwed himself over on that one. Just right now I feel like a little trapped mouse in the game of cat and mouse. Maybe I can go visit some friends out of state for a couple of days. Get my head on straight.

I have read all the posts and I just wanna say thank you for your honest support. You don't say things that "will make me feel better", you say what is on your mind.