[bluegirl...?]

Okay, so here is a quick bit of my story.....
Almost two years ago my mom found my account on this place. She was FURIOUS. Not just because I joined without her permission, but because she believed I had lied on this place ( about being suicidal and cutting myself and posts mentioning her ). But I didn't lie; however she took me to a therapist where she tried to make me look like I'm some lying child. Like I was just lying for attention.... Which was so not true.

When she found out, I was grounded. From phone, tv, DS, ipod, and computer especially. After a couple years, I was given some rights back, like tv and a phone, but they have recently been taken away again... And the reason?

Because I didn't eat my mashed potatoes. Laugh. Seriously. Do it, because it's so ridiculous that you want to laugh.

But the thing is, it's true. I have always hated mashed potatoes, ive always gagged on them and puke them up. They're gross to me. But my mother still forces me to eat them. Or at least she tries.... Well a month ago, I refused. I just couldn't.... She started videotaping me with her iPhone, telling me how I needed to be a big girl, taunting me. I slowly ate some. But I just couldn't do it fast enough.

Eventually, my stepdad grounded me because I was being ****ing stupid.

So they took away my phone and tv once more. It is summer and I have no access to anyone but them, pretty much. They even sent me to my fathers because I was too much of a basket case..... I know I'm not the most easiest teen to get along with, but I am pretty damn good to most. So I don't understand why they do the things they do.... And I just need to know...

Is this normal? What they do, is it normal? I know you don't know the full story, but it would take ages to explain every detail. But does it sound normal? Because I don't think I know anymore. And If it's not, then what am I supposed to do? I just don't know...

Please help.
Love, Blue.

[Sannah]

Hi Bluegirl, welcome to PC. Sounds like your parents are into controlling you and into punishment. I don't understand parents like this because I feel that my job as a parent is to help my child develop and controlling my child and punishing her doesn't accomplish this. Understanding my child and guiding her works better. I'll bet that your parents were raised the same way.

Someone who lives in my neighborhood parents like this and their hallmark is excessive and LONG punishments for things that I would just ask my daughter not to do (and she would comply). They are really into control too.

You lost your privilges for a few YEARS?

Sounds pretty harsh too me, and very familiar! When I was in middle school, my mom was very Ill, so it was my dad's job to get me up and to school every morning Instant oatmeal for three years, no joke. Instant boogers yuck! my pop's had a method called eat it or wear it! Or he would throw the bowl at the wall and take me too school with no food. I ate everything when I was young... but oats yuck. Sannah is dead on my humble opinion this is controlling behavior especially if the punishments are that harsh. As for them finding your posts on PC you have to be careful with that!!! I can't stress that enough I think a lot if in most people who come to this site want to remain nameless.

hang in there i know how difficult controlling parents can be...

[Sannah]

Just thought more about this, people who punish this much believe that people are born bad and that only punishment will reform them.

Those of us on the other side believe that people are born good and that this needs to be continually cultivated and that evil treatment makes people bad. (But not everyone who is mistreated becomes bad and this is the miracle of how good some people are).

Also, blue, are your parents anxious people?

[bluegirl...?]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Hi Bluegirl, welcome to PC. Sounds like your parents are into controlling you and into punishment. I don't understand parents like this because I feel that my job as a parent is to help my child develop and controlling my child and punishing her doesn't accomplish this. Understanding my child and guiding her works better. I'll bet that your parents were raised the same way.

Someone who lives in my neighborhood parents like this and their hallmark is excessive and LONG punishments for things that I would just ask my daughter not to do (and she would comply). They are really into control too.

You lost your privilges for a few YEARS?

Yes! i can never practically talk to an of my friends yet they say its my fault for why i have no friends or hang out with anyone.

[bluegirl...?]

Originally Posted by fourwalls

Sounds pretty harsh too me, and very familiar! When I was in middle school, my mom was very Ill, so it was my dad's job to get me up and to school every morning Instant oatmeal for three years, no joke. Instant boogers yuck! my pop's had a method called eat it or wear it! Or he would throw the bowl at the wall and take me too school with no food. I ate everything when I was young... but oats yuck. Sannah is dead on my humble opinion this is controlling behavior especially if the punishments are that harsh. As for them finding your posts on PC you have to be careful with that!!! I can't stress that enough I think a lot if in most people who come to this site want to remain nameless.

hang in there i know how difficult controlling parents can be...

oh pfft. they know my acount name and used to know my password too. but i honestly dont care if they find out im back on again. i need this site.

[bluegirl...?]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Just thought more about this, people who punish this much believe that people are born bad and that only punishment will reform them.

Those of us on the other side believe that people are born good and that this needs to be continually cultivated and that evil treatment makes people bad. (But not everyone who is mistreated becomes bad and this is the miracle of how good some people are).

Also, blue, are your parents anxious people?

Oh yeah. im very bad to them. im like the devil it seems. My parents arent really anxious. they just like my brothers more than me and think they are superior to me.

[geez]

____trigger_____________





((((bluegirl)))) I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I grew up with the same experiences in terms of being forced to eat food. I would even puke it up and my mom would force me to eat 'it'. I was told to go out an make friends and yet I had none because I was never allowed to leave the house. I was beaten every day in middle school if I didn't bring every book home (If I forgot one book I would get beaten,,,I had bad grades...no surprise I had low self esteem etc..) and I told a school friend I wanted to kill myself in a note (there was no internet or email back then :-) When my parents confronted me about the note I lied and said it was a joke. I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of them knowing they effected me that way.

When you are in school can you talk to the counselor about this? I didn't because I was afraid of what would happen to my family.



PS - be sure to log off of PC and it should erase the cookies from your cache. Delete your history... hopefully your parents don't have spyware on your computer.

[bluegirl...?]

Oh ((((geez)))) I totally understand. I'm so sorry for what you had to deal with. It must have really sucked and I'm just so sorry you had to go through that!

Well I'm actually out of school for the summer. My mother recently "shipped" me off to my fathers for a little bit because she doesn't want to put up with me. It's like I tell my other family about it and they feel sorry but they don't really do anything...... I don't know. I'm just so scared to do anything because I don't want to get in trouble like I always do...

I definitely have learned to delete history! >_____<
...Blue

[Leed]

Bless your heart. I wish you could live here for awhile. LOL You sure wouldn't have to eat mashed potatoes. Wow, that is ridiculous!! I think your Mom and Dad need HELP! Is your Dad in the military or something? Good grief. I just cannot understand taking away all those things just over potatoes. That's just going overboard.

If your parents are THAT strict just about potatoes, I'd sure hate to see what would happen if you REALLY got into trouble! They'd probably actually KILL you! You'd end up a statistic!

Sweetie, I'm so sorry you have to deal with these two. They are the ones who need help -- not you. You sound pretty normal to me. You're a teenager -- you sound pretty normal to me. If they had MY granddaughter to deal with, they'd end up in prison in a heartbeat!

Take care hon, and God bless. I"ll say some prayers for you. Hugs, Lee

[Polykronic]

I'm so sorry. My parents were like this, too: controlling over stupid things and extreme punishment for things that werent really offenses, let alone such a big deal.

I hope there's someone you can tell so you can get out of there. You are not bad, and you don't deserve to be treated that way.

[bluegirl...?]

Originally Posted by Leed

Bless your heart. I wish you could live here for awhile. LOL You sure wouldn't have to eat mashed potatoes. Wow, that is ridiculous!! I think your Mom and Dad need HELP! Is your Dad in the military or something? Good grief. I just cannot understand taking away all those things just over potatoes. That's just going overboard.

If your parents are THAT strict just about potatoes, I'd sure hate to see what would happen if you REALLY got into trouble! They'd probably actually KILL you! You'd end up a statistic!

Sweetie, I'm so sorry you have to deal with these two. They are the ones who need help -- not you. You sound pretty normal to me. You're a teenager -- you sound pretty normal to me. If they had MY granddaughter to deal with, they'd end up in prison in a heartbeat!

Take care hon, and God bless. I"ll say some prayers for you. Hugs, Lee

No, I live with my mom and stepdad usually. My dad and my stepmom live somewhere else. Urgh it is way overboard. When I "really" get in trouble, it's bad. They shove what I did in my face so much, I'd rather they just hit me instead. It's crazy how much they make me feel bad. But thats just what they're like. Pfft they are killing me on the inside. :/

Yeah, I think sometimes I'm pretty normal but I feel so messed up sometimes because of them. Half the time I think I deserve it and hate myself for it. Cause, there has to be something wrong about me for them to be like that to me?

Awwwe thanks!

...Blue

[bluegirl...?]

Originally Posted by Polykronic

I'm so sorry. My parents were like this, too: controlling over stupid things and extreme punishment for things that werent really offenses, let alone such a big deal.

I hope there's someone you can tell so you can get out of there. You are not bad, and you don't deserve to be treated that way.

I'm sorry for you. It must've sucked so much, growing up with parents like that. :/

I don't know.... I try to tell people but it never really does anything. At least I'll be heading off to college in two years. >_______<

Awwwe thanks for saying all that. It brings a smile to my face.

...Blue

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by bluegirl...?

Half the time I think I deserve it and hate myself for it. Cause, there has to be something wrong about me for them to be like that to me?

Actually, really it is their problem. There is something wrong with them. You deserve better.

[bluegirl...?]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Actually, really it is their problem. There is something wrong with them. You deserve better.

Awwwe thank you for that. It's just hard sometimes.... I dunno, sometimes I just feel like I had to of done something for them to be mean to me.
...Blue

[geez]

Originally Posted by bluegirl...?

Awwwe thank you for that. It's just hard sometimes.... I dunno, sometimes I just feel like I had to of done something for them to be mean to me.
...Blue

You didn't do anything wrong Blue. Part of the cycle of abuse for me when I was a child was blaming myself. Always trying to come up with new ways to avoid being punished. But it never worked That's how I tried to survive. To find a way out to find an answer to the abuse. We'll maybe next time if I do x instead of y my parents will be happy and I won't get punished. As children we are in the hands of our caregivers and there is nothing we can do about it other than tell someone.

[Sannah]

Blue, it is normal for a child to blame themselves. Children need to see their parents as being "right" because they depend on them for survival. Geez is correct, the child tries everything to get the abuse to stop and nothing that they do makes a difference because it is about the parents not them.

[bluegirl...?]

its just..... What do i do? Where am i supposed to turn to? I'm afraid that if I try to do something, Ill still be stuck with them but its even worse because then they'll be angry at me... im just so scared.
...Blue

[Sannah]

Are there any adults who can help you with them?

[bluegirl...?]

I don't know... I have my dad, but I'm just so scared.
...Blue

[Sannah]

Have you ever really talked seriously to your dad about all of this?

[bluegirl...?]

Welll.... I tell him about it but he's so used to her craziness and stuff. He just complains about her....

I dunno if its the right choice, but Ive made up my mind. Maybe I'll regret it later, but I will just stay with my mom. I mean, whats two more years? My friends are there... School... Band... I dont want to lose those things that I cherish. I'll just wait it out. But if it gets worse, then I'll definitely leave....

...Blue