Hey everyone, i thougth id come on to ask for abit of advice from everyone.

i dont know if many of you have read my previous post about my sexual abuse i had from my brother 9 years ago. well i still live my brother and back in January of this year i confronted him about it, saying to him that i still remember and his response was very disapointing for me, he showed no sense of guilt, sorrow, or anything towards me. all he said was "oh, i was 16 at the time, i was f****d up then" which i thought was quite insensitive condering the abuse has had an effect on me up until today, i find it hard to trust anyone and when i do begin to trust someone i then get paranoid that they will hurt me etc.

but the reason i want your advice is because i still live my brother, and lately (since january) i have had growing feelings of hatred towards him, its got to the stage where i find it so hard being near him, whether it be in the same room or just under the same roof. i just dont know what to do about it, obviously my dad doesnt know about the whole abusve subject so i cant confide in him, nor does anyone else in my life know. i just dont know what to do about it, and i am currently having a row with my brother over MSN messenger (even though we are in the same house, hes in his bedroom, ive locked myself in mine) and hes sayin that im always moody and it gets to him the fact that i, and i quote: "treat him like %#@&#! all the time", just before that he said "but you shouldnt make others around you have to put up with your problems". he just doesnt understand what im going through, and i dont know what to do, i get scared, and sometimes it really upsets me because its such a big issue to me at the moment.

id like to be able to move out, but financially i cant, so i have to stay here, and so i have to see him everyday which makes it harder for me. i just need some time to help me get over it, but i am finding it so hard and its making me feel exhausted emotionally and is the main reason im feeling low lately. the last thing i want to do is take it out on others around me and i feel myself doing that lately, ive noticed myself getting grumpy around others and its getting harder keeping it to myself, i will keep it to myself, solely because have councilling every week...and i can come on here and express my problems.

the arguements still going on between him and me at the moment, hes moaning at me because i dont get out the house as often as he does so im classed as boring to him. but i need to be myself sometimes just to try and deal with things.

has anyone got any helpful suggestions, they are all welcome.

thanks for listening (or shall i say, reading) guys

speak soon

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

As a sexual abuse victim myself I do my all means understand the HATE in which you are speaking of toward your abuser, your brother (some of my abusers were family members too) and I often found it hard to control let alone have to deal with my inner feelings / wounds while I still had to see the people that harmed me on a daily or weekly basis..... the ones that took my innocence and childhood from ME.

My best suggestion to YOU right now is to stay in counseling and work hard on HEALING you and do not worry about your brother right now.... for your day of reckoning with him will come in time - when you and your mind are healthier.

In the mean time - keep trying to work on a financial solution that will work for you when the time to move out is right.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( )))

(((((((((Simon)))))))))) I'm so sorry about what happened to you and that your brother refuses to acknowledge the damage he caused in your life.

[Lucky_13]

im so sorry to hear that my dad used to hit me and i hate him for it but i think its diffrent for you but im always here for you and i hope you know that actually i think we all are but *hug* PM me anytime and i hope you get this all fixed

Much Love~Lucky 13

What shall i do do you think? surely i cant keep ignoring him, because it will get noticed by my dad and others. i feel trapped right now by it and it feels like such a burden one has to carry alone.

it was my first day back at work after having a week off due to my shoulder injury, and after the arguement last night (the one in the original post on this thread) with my brother i couldnt sleep much last night, i just led in bed thinking about what he said, at one point he called me "pathetic" and he said "it really gets to him when i treat him like s**t", almost as if he expects different. i did cry last night, merely because i was so tired, and emotional after the row yesterday, and as i lay there in bed last night, i wished my mum was here so i can talk to her, we had a good friendship when she was alive.

but back to my brother, i am rapidly running out of ideas as to how to live with someone i feel like that over, im immediately put in a bad mood when he comes home, and i never want to talk to him, so im always left feeling my true-self is being surpressed, and after doing that for many years i just want it to stop, i just want to be me again.

i will hopefully have a better night sleep tonight, i only had 4 hours last night! (work today was so hard, but thats a different matter) so fingers crossed for tonight.

speak soon guys, and thank you so far for your comments of support, is greatly appreciated.

I think i have worked out how to deal with this situation, tell me if you either agree or disagree with this...

i think, considering my brother shows no sign of remorse for his appauling behaviour towards me, i think the thing i will do is to tell him he has to tell my dad what he did, it will make him have responsibilty for his actions, and i will tell him that if he doesnt tell my dad...i will. my dad needs to know, and i shouldnt have to bear these feelings, its about time i gave them back to my brother. he abused me when i was 10, why should i have to deal with it when he shows no emotions for what he did. he has to face the consequences of what he did.

i wwill tell him that he has to tell my dad, whatever my dads reaction will be. and i will say that he has to face the punishment for what he did, im no longer going to keep this a secret. for 9 years ive felt the guilty one for having this happen to me, i think its finally time to take the next step towards recovery. whatever the outcome may be.

do you guys agree, please give me your opinions, i will very much appreciate your views ont his matter.

thanks everyone.

[Rhapsody]

For the sake of your own inner HEALING I would say go ahead and go forth with the thought that has been planted with in your subconscious mind...... but please, make sure you are safe (before - during and after) this venture into being whole.

Good Luck - my own empowerment came when I finally told my abuser and his protector what I felt about it all and about them - face to face.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[hillbunnyb]

it sounds like you are ready to pop from the stress of protecting your brother.... ie blowing his status in the family by revealing his past behaviors toward you. "I was young and f'd up is no excuse". at least he admitted he hurt you. so many abusive brothers go into denial and say it never happened when confronted by now adult sisters-- it makes me sick.

i agree your Dad should be informed. you may want to consider telling your Dad by yourself, as it happened to you.
Hopefully he will be supportive and then the two of you can confront your brother.

don't you think expecting your brother to come clean with your Dad is a little unrealistic as he won't even be real with you?

i wish you all the good luck in the world to bring this horror out into the open. Lancing boils is tricky business, wear your emotional armour when going into battle for truth!

who knows what your Dad will be willing to believe??? this is hard stuff to accept of one's child. remember, it will be new news to him and he will need to chew on it after his first whatever reaction....... you are gonna shake the ***** up, ya know.