trigger.. death of an abuser trigger..

So my abuser died on the 4th of July... not much chance of ignoring that date is there?
As the abuser was also my father, I don't know what I feel...
grief, loss, pain, relief...

except most of the time lately, I would like to curl up.. sleep and just never wake up....maybe that is what I am met to do.. who knows...my contribution the world..

((freewill))

I'm sorry you're feeling a bit sad and lost. Please take care and know that the date will pass and the pain will lessen.

Don't be to hard on your self right now about finding the meaning of your life. Just breathe and know we're here for you.

Lothlorien

freewill,

I can feel you grieving. And you are not alone with that. I can feel your confusion. You are not alone with that either. But I would like to say that when you have grieved and slept and finally uncurled, you have a lot to contribute to this world -- and you already have. Here, you have offered your heartfelt empathy to others who share your past and your pain. Here, you have made sure that others do not feel alone. These things that you have already done, have contributed to this world. Abusers may have beaten us down, but that cannot kill our inherent beauty. Yours has been showing through here. And that beauty has been encouraging to me.

Feel better,

mtd

I know the feeling... when my father passed away I felt both a sense of relief( because I naively thought I would no longer be burdened with the" secret"), and grief because he was, after all ,still my father and I loved him.

I had to learn how to seperate the father he could be, and the one I needed from the one he most often was, the one that I hated.It gets easier with time.Be gentle with yourself...

Peace,Sunybear

Mine died in Dec. 06. Burn in hell you piece of crap.

(((((((((((freewill)))))))))

I'm wishing you much peace on this holiday and that you can claim it for yourself as a good day..

EV

Thank you one and all.... I so appreciate you...

My grandfather died April 12 1974 - I remembered the abuse somewhere around 1991. Every year I feel a little "off" but the last few years have not been so bad.