[Ocean Swimmer]

One big one was my Predator Pdoc. Masterbated in front of me. Stalked me.
Groped me. Called and said inappropriate things to me.
This went on for over 10 yrs.
He got me hooked on opioids. Plus I went back. Didn't realize it was his problem.
But I survived. I can not forget completely.
I've never knowingly abused anyone.
Sure, I hurt people's feelings .

[TishaBuv]

I have a hard time calling it abuse and saying that I survived.

For some unknown reason, I was born not wanting to eat. My mother had absolutely no patience for it. Her way of handling it was to scream at me to eat and call me mean names. This just caused me hysterical crying, didn't eat, retreated to my room. This went on for approx. 11 years.

She stopped because I got old enough that she didn't care much anymore, I ate just enough by then that she didn't think I was going to die, and also my father died and she became majorly depressed.

There have been several more relationships I could note. I've talked about them all on PC before.

[junkDNA]

Possible trigger:

CSA from my dad, physical abuse as well

emotional neglect from my mom during all this, and after my dad died when i was 10

my mom shipped me off to a 'troubled teen' facility where i was psychologically and physically abused for 8 months... i couldnt tell my mom bc they read our incoming and outgoing mail...if you wrote anything they didnt like they would rip it up in front of you. i could write a whole book about that place , which is worse than prison

when i got out of there i met a therapist, we worked together for 5 years, then he came onto me. of course i said yes... after a few months he started taking me to other peoples houses he met off the internet to watch them have sex with me. after almost 2 years of that, and me breaking down completely, i reported him and he lost his license forever.

[Aardwolf]

I rarely speak about it on PC. The trauma and the effects that i still experience from it are still very real to me. The feelings it created inside of me follow me still. The feeling of being worthless and unneeded.

Maybe one day I will speak about it properly, but not until i am in a more stable place inside.

I was cold, it was dark and it was scary. Survival was all that mattered.
The worst bit ? It became "normal" for me to accept it, and to feel that way.

For now that is all I can share.

[AlittleUnsteady]

I don't want to go into graphic detail about certain things. I was sexually abused by my father starting at 3 years old. My parents divorced and my mother cared more about her pain than taking care of my siblings and I. My sister is 8 years older than me, my brother 6 years older. My sister took care of me, until my mother kicked her out when I was 8 years old. I was left to care for myself at that point. My mother was neglectful. She spent more time staying the night at her boyfriend's than anything. She would leave me overnight with no food. I remember being terrified. I didn't know how to get a hold of her, or if she was even alive. There was no food in the house. There was also emotional abuse going on. I was sexually abused by boys in my neighborhood at 8 as well. In middle school boys would corner me and do things to me. When i was 11, my brother began physically abusing me, and my mother did nothing. He tried to kill me one night as well. At 13, my mom sent me to live with a friend's family for 3 months b.c. I was failing school. They were verbally and emotionally abusive. No matter how much i begged my mom to come back, she made me stay a year and a half.

At 15, my mother became very controlling of me. I felt like I was suffocating. She tried to sabotage any healthy maternal relatiobship I had with someone.

At 21, my boss was sexually abusing me for 1.5 years. I was too afraid to say anything. I also convinced myself that maybe it was my fault.
The majority of my abuse was from my childhood. Now it's trying to live with the damage that's been done. So mich damage. These are only the things I remember. There is so much from my childhood that I blocked out. Dissociation was my main go to then.

I wish I could participate but I've talked about so much already and I think it's done me some great harm. I'm not sure I'm thinking right. My mother and husband and then also my friend on the phone last night said PC is probably not a good place for me right now and I should talk about anything right now. I think since they all agree, I need to take this into serious consideration. They do mean well and I trust them when I'm well and I do trust them mostly now. PC is like an obsession now. It's happens from time to time. I will try to post less and be involved in other things and see how that goes. ((((Hugs)))

[Jadenmia1]

[Trigger]

When I was around 6 years old my mother fell into depression, she would scream at me, punish me for things out of my control and hurt me physically. Push me, slap me and pull my hair.
I told my father on the phone as he worked away, he spoke to my mother and she told him i was lying. The abuse got worse and i was punished for lying.
It carried on into my teens. When I was 13 I punched her back. She was shocked and she punished me even more. At age 15 I tried to commit suicide by taking a bunch of medication I found in the cupboard. My father came home and found me unconscious and rushed me to the ER. They pumped my stomach and I had to stay in for a while. My mother refused to come and see me because I was dramatic and tried to ruin her. We then had to go see a family therapist. She warned me that if i told him anything stupid, i would be at fault for breaking apart our family so I didn't say anything.

At 19 I met a man who I fell in love with. For the first few months things were amazing. He felt like my closest friend. He started to become angry and jealous of everything I did. Accuse me of cheating and looking at other men, he started to become physical, would punish me in strange ways if he thought that I was cheating. Strip me naked and drag me outside and lock the door. Make me give him oral sex until I vomited and taking away all my belongings and make me leave to walk home without shoes.
People started noticing the bruises, the black eyes and i would often cry at work when he texted me constantly with abuse about how disgusting I was.
He would push opiates on me.. when I was high he would put drugs on my naked body, and take pictures and videos of me and show his friends.
It went on for 4 years until he attacked me in public, biting my face and body. The police were involved and pressed charges and I never spoke to him again but was deeply heartbroken about losing him.

4 years ago I met my fiancee. In the first year, things were amazing. Then he started to lie and hide things and if I got upset he would tell me I was crazy. He sometimes drags me into closets when im upset about the lies and tells me I can come out when im calm.
When I fell pregnant with our 3rd he spent all of our money and left me and the kids with nothing. I got angry, he reacted in such a rage. He kicked me up my backside and damaged my tail bone, he slapped me and slammed my head against the wall. He continues to disrespect me but in a very different way to my ex. He says he cant live without me and I cannot bring myself to break up with him. He said he will disappear if i do.
My anxiety is so high now, I'm not sure i can live without him either.
[Trigger]

I don't think il ever know a life without abuse and anxiety. I feel completely used up and worthless. :'( I would do anything to be normal.

[Open Eyes]

I am so sorry for all of the posters in this thread, you all suffered so much abuse. Please know none of this was ever your fault either. Often a person is taught abuse is normal and because of that they don't recognize the signs of an abusive person and people who are abusive can start out by acting "kind or nice". Abusive/bad people can be found in all kinds of places, they always tend to pick places where they know they will be around others they can victimize too. Many of these individuals have the ability to appear well educated and "safe" in communities when they not but instead are predators.

[Luce]

We have been sexually abused by many people. Primarily by family members. Other perps were less frequent. It started before I can remember and went on as long as I can remember.

A lot of minor trauma (emotional neglect mainly with a little abuse thrown in as well as sexual assault) capped off by medical torture that cost me my leg.

[nicoleflynn]

Originally Posted by Breadfish

A lot of minor trauma (emotional neglect mainly with a little abuse thrown in as well as sexual assault) capped off by medical torture that cost me my leg.

There is no such thing as "minor" trauma.

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

There is no such thing as "minor" trauma.

Compared to being reduced to a beast while being hurt so badly you can't imagine life can ever go on, and then hearing they damaged your leg so badly it needs an amputation, everything else is minor.

Edit: for me. I don't mean to imply someone experiencing sexual assault has experienced a minor trauma.

I mean.. if I could choose to have everything happen to me but the torture, or I could choose just the torture, I'd choose everything else.
That's why I call it minor.

[MtnTime2896]

I've posted a few things about it all on here but I don't think I'm capable of going into any of it, right now. I'm sorry for everyone else here who endured everything you have.

[WrkNPrgress]

I am dealing with the aftermath of emotional abuse in my most recent relationship.

I feel sheepish sharing because it's nothing like the stories I've seen on here and but it's significant to me and my therapist says I 'minimize' my own experience too much. She frequently has to remind me that yes, what I experience was in fact abuse and I have a right to be angry, sad, traumatized, etc. I know this to be true but I'm still .. I don't know .. trying to come to terms with it.

Emotional abuse is difficult for the fact that there's no 'evidence' after the event other than your own memory and feelings. It's hard to explain to friends what this means without getting into details and description and that's exhausting. Also, my friends never saw any f this. We always 'behaved' in public. So most of my friends are still friends with my Ex, and it feels like they just 'don't want to know'. They avert their eyes when the subject comes up. This leaves me feeling ashamed and like I shouldn't 'bother' them.

I went through some old journals last night to remind myself, all the fights and the things she said, all the times she insulted me, screamed at me, then ran off crying and leaving me to feel that I had done something wrong to her.

Yes, it happened. At the very least she was subtly controlling, questioning me about my decisions, about what I wore, how I looked, how I ate, talking down to me, talking to me with disdain, manipulative... at worst she was verbally abusive, calling me names; *****, asshole, sick, unwell, selfish, self-centered, annoying, obtuse, disgusting, ... yelling at me that she 'hated' me, telling me that I was 'horrible to live with,' cursing at me. All of this was followed up with tears and apologies and my own codependent shame enabling her to believe this was the fault of 'both of us'.

If I spoke up or questioned her little insults, she called me too sensitive,
If I tried to get away from the big blowouts, she said I was 'bailing' on her,
If I didn't respond to her baiting, I was 'ignoring' her and 'shutting her out',
If I inevitably lost my own temper or yelled back - then I was the one who was abusing her and I was 'no better'.

There was no way to win. I'm coming to terms with all of this. Meanwhile, my greatest difficulty at the moment is that my friends continue to be friends with her and I have to navigate seeing them -and making them understand I do not want to be around her.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

I am dealing with the aftermath of emotional abuse in my most recent relationship.

I feel sheepish sharing because it's nothing like the stories I've seen on here and but it's significant to me and my therapist says I 'minimize' my own experience too much. She frequently has to remind me that yes, what I experience was in fact abuse and I have a right to be angry, sad, traumatized, etc. I know this to be true but I'm still .. I don't know .. trying to come to terms with it.

Emotional abuse is difficult for the fact that there's no 'evidence' after the event other than your own memory and feelings. It's hard to explain to friends what this means without getting into details and description and that's exhausting. Also, my friends never saw any f this. We always 'behaved' in public. So most of my friends are still friends with my Ex, and it feels like they just 'don't want to know'. They avert their eyes when the subject comes up. This leaves me feeling ashamed and like I shouldn't 'bother' them.

I went through some old journals last night to remind myself, all the fights and the things she said, all the times she insulted me, screamed at me, then ran off crying and leaving me to feel that I had done something wrong to her.

Yes, it happened. At the very least she was subtly controlling, questioning me about my decisions, about what I wore, how I looked, how I ate, talking down to me, talking to me with disdain, manipulative... at worst she was verbally abusive, calling me names; *****, asshole, sick, unwell, selfish, self-centered, annoying, obtuse, disgusting, ... yelling at me that she 'hated' me, telling me that I was 'horrible to live with,' cursing at me. All of this was followed up with tears and apologies and my own codependent shame enabling her to believe this was the fault of 'both of us'.

If I spoke up or questioned her little insults, she called me too sensitive,
If I tried to get away from the big blowouts, she said I was 'bailing' on her,
If I didn't respond to her baiting, I was 'ignoring' her and 'shutting her out',
If I inevitably lost my own temper or yelled back - then I was the one who was abusing her and I was 'no better'.

There was no way to win. I'm coming to terms with all of this. Meanwhile, my greatest difficulty at the moment is that my friends continue to be friends with her and I have to navigate seeing them -and making them understand I do not want to be around her.

We were sexually abused for many, many years by family and it was absolutely horrific / traumatic / all that kind of stuff.
This year we were emotionally abused / bullied/ gaslighted by a co-worker and it was freaking awful. It was all those things you said. And it was all those things you didn't say.
Don't ever downplay your experience with this. Emotional abuse causes very real trauma, pain, PTSD, and it makes you feel freaking crazy an pathetic in the process. I am sorry for what you went through. This year has been crippling for us because of the emotional manipulation etc that we experienced. I wish you the best in healing from your own trauma.

[Jadenmia1]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

I am dealing with the aftermath of emotional abuse in my most recent relationship.

I feel sheepish sharing because it's nothing like the stories I've seen on here and but it's significant to me and my therapist says I 'minimize' my own experience too much. She frequently has to remind me that yes, what I experience was in fact abuse and I have a right to be angry, sad, traumatized, etc. I know this to be true but I'm still .. I don't know .. trying to come to terms with it.

Emotional abuse is difficult for the fact that there's no 'evidence' after the event other than your own memory and feelings. It's hard to explain to friends what this means without getting into details and description and that's exhausting. Also, my friends never saw any f this. We always 'behaved' in public. So most of my friends are still friends with my Ex, and it feels like they just 'don't want to know'. They avert their eyes when the subject comes up. This leaves me feeling ashamed and like I shouldn't 'bother' them.

I went through some old journals last night to remind myself, all the fights and the things she said, all the times she insulted me, screamed at me, then ran off crying and leaving me to feel that I had done something wrong to her.

Yes, it happened. At the very least she was subtly controlling, questioning me about my decisions, about what I wore, how I looked, how I ate, talking down to me, talking to me with disdain, manipulative... at worst she was verbally abusive, calling me names; *****, asshole, sick, unwell, selfish, self-centered, annoying, obtuse, disgusting, ... yelling at me that she 'hated' me, telling me that I was 'horrible to live with,' cursing at me. All of this was followed up with tears and apologies and my own codependent shame enabling her to believe this was the fault of 'both of us'.

If I spoke up or questioned her little insults, she called me too sensitive,
If I tried to get away from the big blowouts, she said I was 'bailing' on her,
If I didn't respond to her baiting, I was 'ignoring' her and 'shutting her out',
If I inevitably lost my own temper or yelled back - then I was the one who was abusing her and I was 'no better'.

There was no way to win. I'm coming to terms with all of this. Meanwhile, my greatest difficulty at the moment is that my friends continue to be friends with her and I have to navigate seeing them -and making them understand I do not want to be around her.

I just want to let you know I'm dealing with the same feelings as you. Emotional abuse is a tough one.. because nobody else can see it.
When my partner isn't physical (he has only had around 5 episodes of physical abuse in the past) he is emotionally tormenting.
This is the worst of it. I would rather have him slap me than the way he berates me.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by Luce

We were sexually abused for many, many years by family and it was absolutely horrific / traumatic / all that kind of stuff.
This year we were emotionally abused / bullied/ gaslighted by a co-worker and it was freaking awful. It was all those things you said. And it was all those things you didn't say.
Don't ever downplay your experience with this. Emotional abuse causes very real trauma, pain, PTSD, and it makes you feel freaking crazy an pathetic in the process. I am sorry for what you went through. This year has been crippling for us because of the emotional manipulation etc that we experienced. I wish you the best in healing from your own trauma.

Thank you for your response and your validation. I wish you well in your own journey. I'll just repeat what my own therapist said; We have more strength than we know ir give ourselves credit for.

Originally Posted by Jadenmia1

I just want to let you know I'm dealing with the same feelings as you. Emotional abuse is a tough one.. because nobody else can see it.
When my partner isn't physical (he has only had around 5 episodes of physical abuse in the past) he is emotionally tormenting.
This is the worst of it. I would rather have him slap me than the way he berates me.

Your response touch is a chord in me because there were moments when I actually dared my partner to " Just go on and hit me." She would act with such hostility and do everything short of actual physical violence, The way she would march up to me and glare at me and stare me down with such aggression, it felt like she wanted to hit me. But then she would act like I was crazy for saying such a thing.

I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through. I don't know if you do already, but it may help to keep a journal of your experiences for yourself. As you get through this, and you will, it could help for you to keep in touch with your own reality. I look back now and I'm so grateful I kept a journal. For all the reasons stated above.

I only wish I'd been more honest with people as I was going through this. Even though I understand now why I didn't reach out (issues with communication in general and family dynamics,) if I could jump in a time machine and go back to give myself advice, I would tell myself to go ahead and talk to a friend about what was happening. Find someone and just talk.

How I'd wish I just had told someone anything to the effect of. "You know, my partner and I had this huge fight last night and.... "

Anyway much love to you all

[Ocean Swimmer]

I believe in the healing powers of prayer. I will pray we all can come out of these horrific situations. Love and light.

I want to let everyone here know that I am sending warm, positive vibes their way.

Possible trigger:

I've not had much abuse in my life. Thankfully.

However, when I was about 7ish-8ish I was sexually abused by my aunt's boyfriend. Who, at the time, was actually a wanted criminal. I spent the night at my aunt's house when it happened and I remember it so well because my cousin was there, had been experiencing sexual abuse for much longer than I had and got pissed off when he started sexually abusing me instead of her. I recall it clearly because I was lying in bed next to her, pretending to be asleep and she kept complaining loudly to herself that I was 'ruining her life'.

I didn't have an idea at the time what the world he was doing to me and I went along with it because my parents raised me to always "respect and listen to your elders", so when he said not to tell anyone and that I'd get in trouble if I did, I believed him. He didn't even have to threaten that to me, I wouldn't have told anyone anyway.

Years later, at 14 I met a man through a friend who was 24. He used to date my friend, (who was also 14) and later "left?!" her and started talking to me. At first I was scared because he was 24 ****ing years old... But he grew on me. Eventually, we started dating and the whole time he was never "abusive". He would tell me that he loved me and wanted to buy a house for me where we'd have beautiful children and a beautiful life. And I believed him. Anyway, after a few months of "dating", I invited him to my house where we'd just "hang out". But he had other plans and raped me. I hate calling it "rape" because I didn't really fight back and I didn't really say "no".

I had a recording of the whole event caught on my MP3 player, (it was accidentally recorded) and I could hear myself crying and saying, "stop" but it wasn't actual fighting back. It hurts to think about it now because I loved him very much. I still loved him even after he raped me... I still love him to this day.

Thanks for this thread, too.
It feels kind of good to be able to share what happened. I've hinted at it for years here but never really got the chance to start from beginning to end, "This is my story...."

[mugwort2]

Rather mixed feelings toward my mother. On one hand until I was 13 she severely emotionally, verbally abused me. Some things she said Why did I ever get a daughter like you. This was definitely not a compliment. You're dirt. You're garbage. Conversely I could tell her anything that happened to me In fact she encouraged me to not let anything She was at those times quite understanding. When I was in my early teens she completely reformed Never abused me in any way since then.
When I was in my mid 20s I was gang raped with one man holding a butcher knife. A different man some years later there was an abusive relationship who lived with me. A really controlling sadistic jerk I'm seeing a very thoughtful man He could be more expressive but he is a good decent man. I appreciate him. He was a good friend of my late hubby Jerry. Jerry and I lived together for 20 years. He passed from an acute leukemia. Still miss him I appreciate Ethan too.

[Jadenmia1]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

Thank you for your response and your validation. I wish you well in your own journey. I'll just repeat what my own therapist said; We have more strength than we know ir give ourselves credit for.


Your response touch is a chord in me because there were moments when I actually dared my partner to " Just go on and hit me." She would act with such hostility and do everything short of actual physical violence, The way she would march up to me and glare at me and stare me down with such aggression, it felt like she wanted to hit me. But then she would act like I was crazy for saying such a thing.

I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through. I don't know if you do already, but it may help to keep a journal of your experiences for yourself. As you get through this, and you will, it could help for you to keep in touch with your own reality. I look back now and I'm so grateful I kept a journal. For all the reasons stated above.

I only wish I'd been more honest with people as I was going through this. Even though I understand now why I didn't reach out (issues with communication in general and family dynamics,) if I could jump in a time machine and go back to give myself advice, I would tell myself to go ahead and talk to a friend about what was happening. Find someone and just talk.

How I'd wish I just had told someone anything to the effect of. "You know, my partner and I had this huge fight last night and.... "

Anyway much love to you all

Thank you for the kind words. I do keep a daily journal and I outline all the things he does daily that are nasty. More so for the fact that I can go back and remember what he did so that when I do leave .. i will see why.
Its so hard though, he says if i leave that he will ruin my life and take my kids away.. sometimes he says that he will just disappear and il never hear from him again.
Sometimes I just don't know if what I'm feeling is true or if I'm the one whos causing all the tension.
Its a very lonely and confusing feeling.