I was so bad.....................I hate myself

I was really bad today. I haven't cut for a while and I did today. I really hate myself. I am kicking myself in the *** as we speak. I thought there wasn't another way to deal with what my dad told me today. It started when my older brother called and said that they werebeing evicted in a week and him, his wife, and child needed somewhere to stay for a bit. There is no room at my dad's house for anymore semi permenant people let alon two and a child. Then when he hung up on my brother he started in on me. He said that i am on a high amount of perscriptions and that he really didn't want me to be here. He would rather have me somewhere else, but because I'm "sick" I can stay here. He made me cry for an hour off and on. I decided that the only way for my tears to stop is to let the blood flow instead. I cut on my thighs and on my arms. I am wearing a sweatshirt and pants so that I can hide it. I just really hate myself for doing it now. I have been trying and before i knew it I cut all over again. I HATE ME!!!

dont say that! u r a person of wealth. sometimes people just dont understand how we "sick" people feel. if the did they wouldnt treat us the way they do

I am sorry you feel that way but I understand how much parents' lack of support, care and understanding hurts You are worth a lot and you are loved here. Please be safe ((((((((Hugs))))))))

Kathie,
All I can say is that this Kathy TOTALLY understand where you at right now and how your feeling....I cut really bad on Sunday and I cut deep...so deep it scared me and now I hate myself even more...it is a endless merry go round.....and guess what your NOT ON IT ALONE....I am here with you and there is others here too....
you slipped but do what my T told me today....so you slipped...but DONT hate yourself.....your hurting enough already....take care sweetie and love you bunches....

I can hear what you are saying but it just isn't registering. I really am at the point where I really hate myself. It doesn't matter what someone says I have someone saying the opposite. My meds aren't doing what they are supposed to. I think there is no hope for me.

Well you do have some HOPE because you have me and I CARE about you....if I can hang onto this earth and stay alive so can you....do not give up...stay strong....the people here at the forum are here to help and love and encourage you...they have kept me safe a lot of times so far...doesnt mean I am "not" fighting the S word right now myself...because I am BIG time.. ..but it helps me to talk to others that are thinking of doing it and helping them stay safe. ..it keeps me safe too....so keep talking to us ok....PLEASE????

P.S.
My T tells me to tell that other voice that is talking to me to shut the H*ll up and leave me alone....and if you have to go somewhere to scream it do it or put your head in a pillow and do it...I have tried it and it does release some tension of the voices in the head...just a thought.....thinking of you take care

Kathie,

That must really hurt to have your father say things like that to you. I am so mad at him on your behalf!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!!!! You are worth so much more. With a dad who talks to you that way, no wonder you need so many medications. If I were in your place, I wouldn't want to stay there. Do you have any other options? It might be healthier for you if you can get out and put some distance between you and your dad.
****hugs if you want them****

Wendy

take care...me luvs u!