Trigger ---------------

I have abuse issues in my past. Everytime I date, I get so turnoved off when a guy tries to touch me. I keep thinkign.. when I find the right guy that I'm attracted to that I won't feel like this, but im never attracted to them. The closer they get, the more disgusted i am. Im not sure . Im afriad i'll never fix this part of me and dont know how. :-(

[Rhapsody]

<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>

I am sorry this part of your life is being effected so strongly by your past - please know what you are describing is a very normal process that many abuse victims go thru. I wish I could change this for you, but since I cannot I would like to ask "What have you and your T have been able to work on in this area" - Good Luck.

BTW - I understand too.

[mtd]

I had to give myself a lot of time one my own to heal this part of myself, before I was even able to open up to another touching me. Really, just now getting there. I would ask your T for some exercises that address this specific problem. You may want to take a look at "The Sexual Healing Journey" by Wendy Maltz, or some other book like that.

For me, I've had to deliberately develop a new view of my own body and establish a "relationship" with myself this way, for want of a better word. I know your problem and understand your pain and confusion. You are not alone with this, and please know that it can be addressed. You do not have to live isolated forever. You deserve to reach a point where you can accept and trust a loving touch. You can heal.

be well,

mtd

[Cthomas]

I also had an issue with people/men touching me. I think MTD said it right. you need to work on this with the T to see if you can work past this. It took me a long, very long time to work this through and be able to accept even hugs from my own mother. I think a lot of it is a trust thing. But im no doc. Just a really good guess.

Were here if you need help.

Colleen

[sujunew]

(((((ev)))))
i agree with Cthomas- i believe it is very much a trust issue. Since I have become aware of the fact that something may have happened to me I have become very anti-touching. I have gone thru phases in my life of never giving/accepting hugs, then being a very affectionate person and now back to only being affectionate with my girls. I freak out every time someone touches me whether they are male or female, it was intentional or an accident (e.g. reaching across the table and a hand brushes against me). I am sorry that I have no actual advice to offer, just to say that I am thinking of you and I hope you are able to work thru this slowly but surely. Maybe it is a time thing, depending on where you are in dealing with these issues. Don't rush anything, just go at your own pace... and take care

[DePressMe]

For the most part, I am pretty much over the feelings of not wanting to be touched…it took a lot of therapy, talking and journaling. I say that because I want you to have hope that this is something you can work through.

I try not to give advice…but, what about trying to write about your thoughts/feelings? Recreate the situation in your head and then write about your feelings/thoughts that surround the last time you felt that way. I would only do this if you have support available—like a counselor or therapist.

This is a difficult thing to work through, but I believe you can do it…

[Ocean13]

I know what you mean. If my DH tries to talk dirty to me to get us in the mood I start to freak out. Because my abuser talked nasty to me. It obviously triggers you too. It takes time to work through it.
Prayers
Ocean

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
esthersvirtue said:
Trigger ---------------

I have abuse issues in my past. Everytime I date, I get so turnoved off when a guy tries to touch me. I keep thinkign.. when I find the right guy that I'm attracted to that I won't feel like this, but im never attracted to them. The closer they get, the more disgusted i am. Im not sure . Im afriad i'll never fix this part of me and dont know how. :-(

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thanks everyone. I needed to step away from this post for a while. I think part of the problem is that I lose my voice when guys are romantic towards me. I don't set boundaries. I feel like I have no control.

-- But I do. I can have control and I can say if I want to snuggle or not or if I want to do more or not. Sometimes I feel like a freak if I dont want to. :-(

I just realized that the title of this post was 'Don't Touch Me', but I never say that. I never say anything... I just feel it inside. I need a voice.