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#1
Oct 08, 2008, 12:06 AM
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How do I bury all of this again?
How do I forget it all? The flashbacks, won't go away..I can feel it...ohh I feel so dirty.. They come and stab me in the back, a jerk back into a moment..a moment so rotten..so horrific... How do I make it all stop? How do I stop it from controlling my life? I can feel it, please...make it stop... I think I'm going to be sick...... |
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#2
Oct 08, 2008, 06:16 AM
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(((((((((((((SILVER)))))))))))))))
l wish l could make it all stop for you l too know the pain of seeing, smelling and feeling those memories. can you try to ground yourself and remind yourself that these are bad memories they are not happening now although l know it feels as though they are. keep telling yoursefl THESE ARE MEMORIES THEY ARE NOT HAPPENING NOW AND I AM SAFE sending to you my warmest wishes and hugs if you want them to  hopefully with time ,help and support we will move from this horrid place. you are in my thoughts and please feel free to PM me if you need to talk Take good care of you Mandyxxxxx 
__________________
 "never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#3
Oct 08, 2008, 11:47 AM
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Silver, you can't rebury it and you can't just forget it. You need to work through it in therapy........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#4
Oct 08, 2008, 01:53 PM
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*hugs* i feel like im entering the place your in, i dont know how to stop it but what people keep telling me is that the flashbacks are healing, things get worse before they get better.. maybe this is the begginning of freedom eventually? or at least space to breathe
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#5
Oct 08, 2008, 02:32 PM
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silver Im sorry sounds like you might be flooding. Grounding stuff helps. Drink hot cocoa. that helps me. Take a shower. Stuff that safely brings attention to your body in the present. Not hurting yourself missy, but gently and safely. OK? It will be ok. I promise.
__________________
 Happy fall my friends
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#6
Oct 08, 2008, 02:34 PM
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((((silver)))))
yes ground urself... keep urself safe... if games help go there.. its a great distraction.. |
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#7
Oct 08, 2008, 10:39 PM
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Every day I live with the past,
Everyday I can feel them.... I know that it follows me like my own shadow... My secrets, that I can never ever tell to anyone irl besides a thearpist. We can never ever tell, it would break them... I want to move past it all...I'm trying too...being here helps....... Just..feels like I'm stuck...I take one step ahead, I take two steps back.. I wish I had an eraser to just wipe away that part of my life........ But I can't and I am trying to come to terms with it.... It's just when the flashbacks come, and I have body memories....that is when it gets so hard, when I can feel them...I can feel it all, when I rember all the words they say... when I feel like a giant pile of slime..when I feel like I was nothing but a toy to them to be thrown away after they got their pleasure...that is when I crack...that is when I drown under the pressure... I don't want to be silent...but I don't want to say it outloud irl I can never tell irl...it would kill my parents.... I would have to live with those looks.... those sympathy, poor damaged kid, looks...... Just feeling bitter today, and angry, I'm sorry I don't mean to keep dragging everyone down... |
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#8
Oct 09, 2008, 01:09 AM
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(((((((((((((silver)))))))))))))))))
you have a right to be angry and it is ok to say to us you are not dragging us down we are down there with you struggling as you are to climb free if you need to talk PM me and l mean that truthfully mandyxx sending safe and healing hugs if you want themxx
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#9
Oct 09, 2008, 08:42 AM
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Silver, you are sounding better so you must be making some progress. I am sorry for your flashbacks I can see how it takes you back to those awful places. You are safe now. You are valuable. You wll make it....
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#10
Oct 09, 2008, 12:36 PM
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((((silver))))
ur allowed to not have to live with this pain i hope that ur able to one day maybe find someone that u can tell irl until then tell us all we are real ppl who really care about u ground urself when those thoughts and feelings come upon u.. tell urself u r safe and remind urself that those things are not happening anymore (heres hoping they dont) and remember u dont have to suffer in silence alone.. there will be ppl u can tell .. u dont have to feel guilty about telling others.. in life we all rely on others to share our joy, love and pain. its natural, its normal. (((safe hugs to you silver))) |
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#11
Oct 09, 2008, 10:27 PM
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I am warning before hand...this is going to contain MAJOR triggers....
please only read if in good place okay? ****************************************************************** JUST SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **** THAT IS ALL I WANT DO IS SCREAM UNTIL MY DAMN LUNGS EXPLODE AND I DIE! IS THAT REALLY SO MUCH TO ASK FOR? So much anger, I"m such a ****ing ****up dumb stupid...deserve to be dead, deserve what happened to me Today was rage day, I broke my pinkie finger punching a coke machine, God it felt so damn good to hurt like that, who knew a broken bone could bring so much pleasure? Anxiety out the roof today, couldn't stay focused in class, kept getting flashes of rage which set off anxiety....skipped next class, bad me, stupid me, faliure me STUPID DUMB, WORTHLESS, PIECE OF TRASH ME!!!!! I'M SO DAMN JUST GOD THERE AREN'T EVEN WORDS TO DISCRIBE HOW HORRIBLE A PERSON I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dirty *****, Dirty *****, It's just a game... Don't you like to play games? NO NO I DON'T WANT TO PLAY YOUR GAMES...PLEASE OH GOD I DON'T WANT TO PLAY HIS GAMES. AND I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THE BAD GIRL'S GAMES EITHER.... SHH NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL... JUST SHUT UP SILVER....JUST SHUT UP.. Nowhere to hide, nowhere to turn...this pain is eating me alive, munching away from the inside out.... we hurts so much...why noone love us, why everyone hate us? why noone protect silver friend? whys...whys? whys we hurt? Whys noones protect da Silver friend... Why people hurt da silver friend? AROOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH |
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#12
Oct 09, 2008, 10:43 PM
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((((((((((((((silver))))))))))))))) scream away whatever helps
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#13
Oct 10, 2008, 03:28 AM
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(((((((((((((silver)))))))))))))))))))
oh hunny scream until you can scream no more let it all out realease the pain out it hurts to much to keep it in we not hate you we love you we want to help and take your pain away but we cant we wish we could.................. try not to hurt yourself no more silver you hurt enough but l know that this is easier said than done silver you a good caring and loving person we can do this silver we can it just needs help support time and caring safe hugs to you try and stay safe hunnyxxxmandy pm me if you need to xx
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#14
Oct 10, 2008, 04:27 AM
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(((((((((((((((silver))))))))))))))))))))
We all hear you, here, in this forum and others .... we are survivors, you are too ... somedays you will not feel like a survivor, that is ok ,,, it isok for you to feel angry, hurt, broken, sad, used, all your emotions are normal .... underneath you are strong because of what you have endured ..... you may feel weak, that is ok too ... but you ARE strong survivors are all strong.... The weak ones were the ones who put you through all this ..... as time goes by, you will breakdown many times.You will wonder why, why me? Why did THEY do this why why why ...... The answers may not ever come to some of your whys .... but you WILL be whole, mended and be able to live again ..... please trust me ...... You are valued, you deserve to be well, you deserve happiness, you deserve all the things you want to be and achieve ..... you will NEVER let THEM win ... because you are stronger than them .... they were the weak ones..... Believe ...... Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 
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#15
Oct 10, 2008, 05:19 AM
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i know how you feel i was abused by my 2 brothers when i was 11 yrs old this went on until i was 15yrs and now im just remembering flashbacks it makes you feel dirty i've only just told my husband about it its only just came back to me when my father past away and my brothers came to the funeral i feel confused as i can only remember certain things i dont know what to do i cant tell my husband everything that went on as i clam up i dont like these memories i dont want them anymore i know i need to speak to some1 but i dont know where to start and i know that if it all comes out it will split the family and i will get blamed for it can some1 help me plz
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#16
Oct 10, 2008, 08:51 AM
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Silver, so the anger is coming now. You have held this anger in your whole life. It does need to come out and you are not bad for being angry. Anger is a normal reaction to these things. Please do not hurt yourself though okay?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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