[Skya]

Hello Everyone~
Newbie Here

We were sitting in the truck last night with my daughter (age 5) right before my sons (age 13) baseball game and my husband said to me "I've been praying about my issue with not wanting to make love to you because of your weight".

Okie dokie, well I knew for months now something has been up. I try to talk to him about it and he said it was stress.

Yes I am overweight, and duh I know the simplest of solutions is to LOOSE WEIGHT stupid ..... it'd solve the problem.

Well, would it, I wonder. I am only 10lbs over what I have weighed for 4 years now since my daughter was born ( I did put on weight and lost some, but held steady at a certain weight and am now 10lbs over that).

I know I need to loose weight and I WILL!
I've done it before, I can do it again.
It just hurts knowing that. Would he accept me if I had a breast removed or would he think it is disgusting.
I am sure that he is part mad because he might think I am doing NOTHING about it, but I am watching what I eat, I just don't have any energy or motivation to exercise.

However I am so bitter now that when I do loose weight I don't want him to think it was for him and I don't even know if I'd want him to touch me again.

I'm not even sure if that is completely the entire truth or problem he is having with me. (My weight I mean) I think he is going through some mid-life crisis thing.

He IS very stressed at work, hardly home. I've had to take on a lot lately (no I don't work).

I have been on & off depression meds for over 20 years now. He doesn't understand depression, I have agoraphobia it triggers panic attacks. A year 1/2 ago he took a job out of state, in 3 days we were moving. Away from ALL my family & roots for 30+ yrs. To a new state no family or friends & still not in church. So YEAH!!! I've gained some weight!!

Now I am a Christian and I will forgive him as I should. It just stings right now and I needed to let it out.

Sorry So Long ~ Thanks for letting me vent. Bless You All!

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Skya said:
my husband said to me
"I've been praying about my issue with not wanting to make love to you because of your weight".

Well, would it, I wonder. I am only 10lbs over what I have weighed for 4 years now since my daughter was born ( I did put on weight and lost some, but held steady at a certain weight and am now 10lbs over that).

Now I am a Christian and I will forgive him as I should. It just stings right now and I needed to let it out.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I am sorry your husband has hurt you with his words...... and please know that many of the females here on the board have been through similar issues with their boyfriend / spouse - therefore, you are not alone in your pain, many of us here on PC understand.

Now - lets get to the topic at hand....... your husband say has prayed about this matter (meaning he probably hates the way he feels as well and is seeking help from above) - and he says his lack of libido is due to your present weight, which you say is only 10 lbs over what you have weighed for the past four year.

..... is the weight you have been for the last four years considered to be over weight as well?
..... did your husband have any issues with your weight the last four years?

I am asking these questions to try and get a better ideal of how married life has been for you two over the last four or five years.

* * * * * * * * *

Also - please know that being a Christian and forgiving does not always make the hurt feelings go away - nor the memory of his words...... as I have been there and I have been a Christian Lady / Wife for 23 years.

My hurt has lessened as I let the small issues go and dealt with Me.

[TaintedGoth1]

(((((Skya)))))

How cruel.

[Dancer_in_the_light]

Did he say anything besides that he'd been praying over it? As in, had he reached a conclusion? Been convicted of his behavior? Come up with a solution? Anything at all?

If it was just a blank statement, then it sounds like an attempt to shift the blame to you. A long dialog needs to happen to figure exactly what he intended with that statement.

((((Skya))))

[Skya]

Hi
Thank you all for your replies.

I have started exercising daily (only 3 days now) I hope that this will also help with the depression, I have read exercise does help with depression.

I just have confused (and bitter) feelings right now about my husband.

This coming form a man who several years ago over lunch told me that if IF I DIDN'T HAVE ANOTHER CHILD HE WOULD DIVORCE ME.
A couple years after that I did have a baby and you know what he said.... (first let me set it up) We had a prayer week at church, we each signed up to pray for 1/2 hour alone at the church at a certain time....well I guess a woman knows her body and I DIDN't want another BABY but in my prayer I said 'God if I am to have another child then that is o.k.'....little did I know I was ALREADY pregnant.

Any who my husband then says to me YOU PRAYED FOR THIS!!! Look what you've done. Now it will be another 18 years before we have the house alone!!!!!

I just don't know, I've been dominated, controlled by MEN one way or another all my life.

I think when my son is out for summer I will spend time away at the kids grandparents house.

Thanks All You for your support.

[magasanguis]

I'm always hesitant to post this kind of statement, but...
It sounds like your husband's just bad news. :/

[shadowwalker]

<font color="#000088">
First of all, Welcome to PC Skya .

Now, i do hope i am not over stepping things and if i am please ignore me or let me know and i will try to delete my post....

i feel your husband is using you as an easy excuse for his problems instead of taking a look at himself and fixing whats bothering himself. If you are only 10 lbs over the weight then you have been, and have had kids. then i can not see how 10 pounds on you is a real issue. Peoples bodies change and i bet his body has changed over times too...

For better or worse if hes really in love with you he would not using his prayers over 10 pounds, and he would stop putting blame on you and deal with his own issues.

i do not know you, however i feel he needs to honor you are his wife and as you gave him the gift of children, you are his children's mom and he needs to treat you like the queen you are and show you some respect.

i hope i have not offended you at all, but i am offended on how he treats you.

i hope things improve soon and he wakes up and smells the Prozac.

*Steps off Tide box now * </font>

[sweetie]

How bad those words are.. i know your pain.. I am way over your 10 pounds over weight.. my boy friend met me when i was this way and the sex so bad.. i told him i thought he was gay.. he wont touch me at all.. i have to ask for a hug.. and after 3 years he says "you know Im not gay.. your just fat.." it broke my heart.. why didnt he just not get with me.. he says when we do make love, he has to get hard and have me on my belly, never face up.. and if he does not go in fast enough he loses his erection... but ive seen him get way excited before about men and caught him pleasureing him self in a well gay kinda way.. he says its my fault because im fat... Sure it is bad im this way..but its does hurt so much when the person who is supposed to love you the most wont or cant touch you.. and because hes not honest to him self he blames it all on me... now i dont even want to touch him and that makes him mad, he wants me to pleasure him but he wont touch me.. i just gave up and now i just have a room mate i have to cook for...

[katiescarlett]

I have no room to talk, but a husband praying about not being with his wife......a boyfriend who probably is gay and won't admit it. You girls are so much better than that. I am a situation as well I don't know how to handle, so like I said, I have not much room to talk, I am having a weight issue as well, but I just had my daughter 4 months ago. His exwife has weighted 100 lbs more than me since the birth of their first daughter. I am not putting down anyone overweight, but if my man has the gall to say I am overweight after what he lived with for over 8 years, it;'s the guys with the problems not you girls. I am equally afraid to do anything that will upset my husband much just to keep the piece. I feel like a roommate as well, except of course the rare occasion when he is in the mood, but he used to be in the mood quite often, but of course I was about 25 lbs lighter. But I am eating well and working out. He is eating well...well meaning alot of food and he does go to work but comes home and eats more. He is overweight by at least 40 lbs, but he has the nerve to say I am overweight. I alreadly promised him, with my healthy eating and my working out at the gym I will be just like I used to be and more attractive to other men (I don't want anyone else, but attention is attention) like I supposedly used to be. He is going to be nothing but a ticking time bomb for a heart attack etc. A man should not be praying about weight, he should be praying for a healthy and loving family no matter what. I own a jerk sounds like you do too.

[selfy]

he sounds like he defo has issues that he aint dealing with and hes taking them out on you.
screw being 10lbs overweight. youve had 2 kids. your gonna put on a little.
if he said he would divorce you if you didnt give him another kid, thats just being, well. a jerk. its up to you too if you have another kid. not just him. and to then have a go at you when u got preg? thats rediculous. tell him he needs to get over himself and sort out his own issues. apart from anything, no man finds a stick sexy.
you guys deserve to be treated better. i think you girlies are probably very sexy. and the men are just being. well. bumholes.
take care girlies.
dot

[BalishBun]

that was not nice of him to say! how rude.

[BalishBun]

Any update?