Throughout college and graduate school, school has been my entire life, as I was assuming my future job(s) would be. The problem is, out of the three things I really want to do, none of them are likely to happen, maybe ever. I don't know how to get a "Plan B", i.e. a job that I have no interest in because then I'll have no purpose in life. Like I said, my entire life has been around my aspirations, as it required that level of dedication to even stand a chance. I just can't seeing me working at a random job without feeling dead inside. I already feel dead inside thinking about it and it's difficult to not have suicidal ideation, since as school ends, so does my life (at least in the figurative sense). I don't know how to feel ok with this. I don't know how to really going about achieving Plan A either...and I don't have the emotional strength, support system, or confidence to do anything, and no one can seem to relate/understand.

I can understand your concerns and I would encourage you to stick to Plan A.

Network now. Speak with the Uni Career Counselor. Look for and join Organizations and Clubs of like-minded people. Also, can you pair up with someone that has a similar Plan A. Is it possible to find a mentor?

Do not give up on your dreams. Be creative! I know it is a cliche, but the world is your oyster. You can do this...move forward and believe in yourself. Surround yourself with people that believe in you and encourage you.

Are these steps possible / do-able for you?

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

I can understand your concerns and I would encourage you to stick to Plan A.

Network now. Speak with the Uni Career Counselor. Look for and join Organizations and Clubs of like-minded people. Also, can you pair up with someone that has a similar Plan A. Is it possible to find a mentor?

Do not give up on your dreams. Be creative! I know it is a cliche, but the world is your oyster. You can do this...move forward and believe in yourself. Surround yourself with people that believe in you and encourage you.

Are these steps possible / do-able for you?

I've spoken with a career counselor...it just made me more depressed. I'm around like-minded people 95% of the time. Except for my parents and my neighbor occasionally, I don't even associate with non-musicians (I don't mean that in a condescending way, it's just a fact). I don't know if there really are any mentors...why mentor your competition anyway? I mean, unless you've monopolized a part of the market already so you don't see other people as a threat etc. I've tried joining clubs in what I want to do (mainly compose music) but it was horrible. I want to start a band...I've wanted to for 10 years, but I don't really have friends and writing music is too personal of a thing to do around people you've just met...that and the whole wanting to sing/play rhythm guitar and generally be the center of attention. But that's not my main expertise...I could get good at it quickly, but that works better with friends (who would be more patient) than with people I just met so I can't really put up flyers or anything to advertise wanting to start a band. And then composing music for wind ensembles and chamber ensembles etc....that's done mainly by commission and other than just blind luck, I really don't know how else it happens, IF it happens. And then there's playing professionally on my main instrument or on other instruments (I want to play in an early music ensemble for example)...auditions are nightmarish experiences on any level, but I don't know if I could handle auditions for professional (and hopefully paid—you'd be surprised how much musicians DO NOT get paid to play in ensembles) without a really good support system, which I don't really have. Also, I have some unidentified chronic pain problem which makes it more difficult to play professionally because I need to practice obviously and practicing (and playing) usually hurt or makes me hurt for a long time afterwards. I can deal with the pain, but I feel it puts me at a disadvantage. Although, I've been told that I can play at the professional level and even though I'm still improving my technique I apparently have the intangibles that are either unteachable or just really hard to teach. I really don't know what's doable and what isn't and I've never had any confidence...I originally went into composition because even though I wanted to play trumpet professionally I was told that I wasn't good enough...and now suddenly I am...it's all really confusing. I never feel like I'm qualified to teach lessons and I doubt I ever will be...I just don't know what to do anymore.

[beauflow]

Don’t Ask Me What I Do, Instead Ask Me Who I Am | World of Psychology
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/test-case/201107/the-danger-letting-others-define-you

hugs to you.

At least you have a plan, at least one- you know what your passion is.

The two links I posted may or may not be helpful if you read them.
You really seem as if whatever you do for a living-- will define you.

I am sorry to say but I know a few people that work at a job, and they do their interest or passion on the side of the main job. some time reality is a little harsh but hey- Do Stick with your dreams

Just because you may not be a musician right off the bat fresh out of college does not mean you never will be.

I remember my middle school band teacher- He taught during the day, then played at a club at night.

Sure it may not had been his "True Dream" of Making It Big!

But he enjoyed what he did... sure some kids in band class he would send out if they were there just to mess around, because it was to them a "free credit" class- He still graded us and he did not take it as a "free credit class". Some kids he would talk with about switching to another elective-- I had that with an art teacher as well in High school did that with kids.-- She Painted at home and AT school in some of our classes where it was we worked on own art-- Some of her art she did sell.

My Main point here is that these two teachers I speak of had a passion, I bet their Dream was not to be teaching kids-- BUT yet they still had enjoyment with that and Still did their passion by teaching it to others, as well as their own side projects.


A Job is job it is not who you are.


Some times people have dreams, and on their way to their dream, they find another path that fits them better too... Some stick with plan A, just they have make some modifications as well along the way.

Many well thoughts to you

[White owl]

That's true A job is not be all and end all, it just gives you money, feeds you and gives you a home, but what its what you do with it all in order to exist and reach your dreams and desires is what counts. So job --> security --> personal desires.

[Perna]

It sounds like you are just not emotionally ready to jump into Plan A. That's fine! Plan A obviously needs some support and you can work on that next, it's all good! All jobs/things we do have the parts that are hard or not much fun (in my case as an office administrator, the "filing" :-)

Get a job working with an orchestra, anything that will keep you around musicians; Best and Worst Day Jobs for Musicians even if just selling tickets to concerts. Get a job in a club so you can get to know other bands and see how they do "it" and what problems they have or plan ahead for a specific, even volunteer, gig (Renaissance fair?) and advertise for members for a one-time thing; that will take the pressure off of having to "maintain" it and help you meet people and let you get your feet wet, etc. But make yourself work on the confidence aspect and work on your portfolio on your own. What instrument do you play? Can you do weddings or anything? I know my stepson's wedding, the music backed out at the last minute and they ended up with a single harp player :-) Work in a music/instrument store? Register for giving lessons at a couple music stores? It takes time for anyone to build a clientele and get experience, no one goes directly from school to a full-blown, working plan/dream.

Everything can be experience and help you with your overall dream. Working for accountants, for example, you could learn how the business aspect works. Working selling, you can learn some of that too as well as people skills. Working as a waitress in a dive in the clubs area you can meet potential clients or club owners, etc. who can get to know/like you over time and help you in some way. A lot of it is about connections, about meeting people and it doesn't sound like you have set up your contacts yet. Make a realistic list of what you would need to form a band like you would like and work on the individual aspects (meeting people/having contacts; getting comfortable selling your band/self to people; understanding how much to charge and how much you'd backing you'd need to make X amount; what equipment and logistics you'd need (van to carry instruments/people to gigs, practice room, etc.) and be creative looking at ways to learn that stuff. Eventually it can all be about playing music but when you are first starting out, it requires a lot of other knowledge/experience as the "base" of your dream.

The trumpet is a beautiful instrument ... are you focused on classical, jazz? I do not know your town, but I hope they have a group there to join where you can continue to play. I agree with the other members, too, in that it is ok to support yourself with other things to get by while still focusing on your Plan A / true love.

(my family told me I would be a failure with my dream career and I bought into it...low confidence my brother was told skies the limit and they totally supported his goals, and he is incredibly successful. If I knew then, what I know now...I definitely would not have given them the power cut me down to nothing. I have a life coach now that is helping me a lot! Perhaps you can look into that, as well. It comes down to believing in yourself in spite of )

(Ps, I was buddies with a now very well-known actor (in college). He certainly didnt start out being the person everyone knows now! And never in a million years could we have predicted ... but he believed and stuck to his dream)

I'm focused on classical.

The problem now is that no matter what I do, I'm not going to have enough money to stay on meds or even eat (I have a tricky diet because of food allergies which means food either makes me sick or is going to be unaffordable).

I've done some math. If I even want to make minimum wage teaching lessons, I'd need at least 28+ students in the studio. And that doesn't even take into account that I need a space to give said lessons or drive to people's houses, meaning to make minimum wage, I'd have to teach more than 30. To make any money on publishing music, I have to self-publish, or go through a site that let's you sell downloads.

And to make to make minimum wage publishing, I estimate, I'd have to sell about 545 scores per year, if I take an even number of small and large ensemble scores. That's way beyond what anybody can sell...known or unknown...

There may be a large ensemble that may want a "resident composer", but since they're not making profit, I wonder what I'll be paid per year? Oh yeah—$0. For a job that would prevent me from doing much else than another PART-TIME job.

And I'm unqualified for any part or full time teaching jobs despite what people have told me. I'm actually unqualified for ANY job short of jobs that would hire ANYONE, even without a high school education. And I wasted 7 YEARS getting 3 degrees? Why?

So...what's the point of even pursuing plan A? Even with 2 or 3 jobs, I'll barely make minimum wage and I won't be able to purchase insurance, or medicine, or very much food. Otherwise, I should be able to survive on less than minimum wage...except that I'm sick and ALL my money would go to medical expenses/medication or I just stop take medication and going to doctors. It's not like I want to live that long anyway, especially if I'm going to spend it deciding whether I'll pay the electric bill or eat. Oh yeah, I'll have to get rid of my car too (won't be able to afford insurance/repairs). I already live minimally...skipping meals and keeping the heat off until I get really cold. Never going shopping/buying new things unless I'm lucky enough to get it as a gift. I guess I should get used to it.

[Perna]

Work online music sites, become a music critic for a bit? You might be able to get a few paid newspaper gigs, etc. if you can get something going/get noticed online, get some practice, etc.? Music Critic - Reviews, interviews and features inside the Music Industry

You'd learn what's going on everywhere near you and maybe be able to jump in and get a few gigs or find compatible people to start something with, etc. Meanwhile you work in a music store or do a stint bartending/waiting tables in a club, whatever gets some bills paid.

Or do something fun and join a cruise ship orchestra/form a chamber group for them; travel, get paid, have room and board paid for.

[zéchileno]

I read your post and I guess I felt like that long ago. Things evolve, and we change, too.
I´d like to tell you how it got solved in my case. I spoke Spanish natively. Then, at 15, in The US, I learnt English. So I became a teacher of English. For a long time I just couldn't stand it. Being a teacher wasn't planned, I believe. Then, I studied Fine Arts, and learnt Portuguese, too. So, later I became a teacher of the 3 languages. And I came to embrace it, started making teaching materials, and all. Now I have another problem, it is a diction thing, but it is recent, so I don't really know what's about. Anyway, what I want to say is things find a solution. In the meantime, get and read a Tao-Te-King.

[thwartedbyworkmates]

Very few people work at what they love. For most of us a job is just a means to an end. You probably don't want to hear that, but it is true. For years, I regretted giving up figure skating because I could have taught or joined an ice show. Now I only skate when I can and watch others skate in ice shows or competitions on tv dreaming about "what could have been." My present job is no glamour job, I work in a University bookstore. I don't like the structure I am under, my boss's are bully types, but it is a good paying job. I guess, what I am saying is sometimes what we want is not always immediate. Just remember, plan B does not have to be forever...