[notz]

(((((((Roadie)))))))

Go to a meeting and ask if anyone's not busy and wants to vicariously spend a fair chunk of change?

(hands Roads a tissue)

[roads]

Hm ...
notz pulls great idea outta apparently nowhere!
Thanks. I'll do that.

[LostAngel0616]

Finally got some pot the other day, so my appetite is back. But of course, things are still crazy at home. Probably always will be, what can you do, ya know?

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by LostAngel0616

Finally got some pot the other day, so my appetite is back. But of course, things are still crazy at home. Probably always will be, what can you do, ya know?

lostangel, i know you post here often. what addiction do you feel you have? i forget. if you need support we're here for you. it's not easy to break the chain of using but it can be done.

[roads]

** CROSS POST THREAD WARS **

No RL friends, acquaintances, or even AA people came through in my quest for companionship while buying a refrigerator.

Nonetheless, addiction-free but with the support of notz (outstanding as usual) and others Threadies encircling me (loving though victory-hungry Warriors they be ) ... I have found an exciting, gorgeous fridge!! Under budget even. Sober victory is mine! Ours, actually. Thanks everybody.

Roadie

[gma45]

I would have helped Roadie if I had known, glad you found a frig though! I have just been so tired lately. I have been working more hours and still applying for different jobs. think I am ready to make a move, I just feel it and it feels good and right and time! The changing I have been so scared of now seems alright, today anyways!

[roads]

I'm so happy for you! You sound tired but wonderful!
Roadie

[madisgram]

YAY, roadie!!!! good news!

[roads]

And now for (as Paul Harvey used to say) "The Rest of the Story" ...
Or, this recovering alcoholic only dreams of living "the simple life"

I'm feeling worse today and don't know that I'll feel any better tomorrow. I had to finalize the refrigerator purchase, so I made myself go out in horrendous weather and do it today. The salesman & I were down to the delivery time when discovered I have to be home the entire day or pay $20--even then have to give them a six hour window for delivery. For a three hour window, they require that I pay another 50 bucks.

Nobody mentioned this until all the paperwork done, I signed everything, and was moments from walking out the door ... none too soon for me. I asked to speak with the manager, and the salesman explained the problem. The manager (a young man about 25, six-ft with the footballer's build) took an "at rest" position with his feet, folded his arms, & said, "Ma'am, nothing I can do about it." Then he turned and walked away.

The salesman got red in the face, looked away, then explained he was "low man on the totem pole here," a month on the job after being unemployed for 2 1/2 years. There really wasn't anything he could do, but he was sorry to have wasted my time. I told him it wasn't his fault, he'd made the sale and had sold me exactly what I'd wanted.

I walked out of the store, put up my umbrella as I walked into the rain, and cursed a lot. Okay, cussed a lot. *** ***** **** should've sizzled the raindrops away!! I hate to shop, and I'd be durned if I was going to do any more of it. I went back in and found the manager.

Turns out deliveries are contracted through a local company, and he called them during our chat. When they call, giving this "window," they also give their phone number--if the time they suggest isn't convenient, I can reschedule! Also seems kid-manager has a very pregnant wife a week over her due date, and he dreads going home. He apologized many times ... and I said a prayer of gratitude that he doesn't come home to me.

Also that I have a refrigerator, in spite of the kid manager with a pregnant wife!

But oh, there was a time earlier in my recovery ... and many times during my recovery ... and times not so long ago (last week or yesterday) when I wouldn't have been able to do what I did today: Hold my temper. Keep my mouth shut. Think twice about what had happened ... and how best I could handle it. Go back and be reasonable, polite, a little bit "Southern" (better than my birthright New England confrontation).

Admittedly, it was something that I "put on"--it was a role from my college acting class. But it was a choice I never could've made for most of my life. I like being able to make that choice because it feels like a responsible, productive one.

Thanks for listening, y'all.
Roadie

[LostAngel0616]

Originally Posted by madisgram

lostangel, i know you post here often. what addiction do you feel you have? i forget. if you need support we're here for you. it's not easy to break the chain of using but it can be done.

I use to be heavily addicted to vikes, but I got off of them a couple years back. Now I'm trying to kick the habbit of my emotional cutting, which I have been doing for about 6 years now (3 of which I phsycially cut myself).

[roads]

LostAngel, do you mean that you intentionally seek experiences that you know will be painful to you--& really can't resist being drawn to that? Was your physical cutting treated as an addiction? Sorry ... my knowledge in this area is limited.

[LostAngel0616]

Originally Posted by Roadie

LostAngel, do you mean that you intentionally seek experiences that you know will be painful to you--& really can't resist being drawn to that? Was your physical cutting treated as an addiction? Sorry ... my knowledge in this area is limited.

Yes to your first question. And I self treated it as an addiction because I felt like the doctors were just trying to slow me down instead of fix the problem at hand. So I started thinking of it as an addiction and thats how I beat the psychical part of it, not realizing I had made no progress on the emotionaly side where I unintentionally seek out painful situations in life. --- Today is gonna be a tough one; I don't get the sanctuary of work later, and home life is too slow for me. I always feel like I'm not getting enough done; always looking for something more to do. That usually puts me on edge with the people around me and causes home to be a very stressful place... And I'm out of ciggarettes until Wednesday... I'm worried...

[madisgram]

thanks for the clarification, lostangel. i don't know if you see a T but using one really helped me. i learned new life skills to cope with just about everything i did. i was a mess and thought i was a freak of nature. i find your definition of emotional cutting as an addiction a good one too. when we're "sick" we keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. we self sabotage ourselves. alcoholics do too. in therapy you can learn how to set healthy boundaries with others. it can also help to identify ppl you associate with your self destructive behaviors. making "bad" choices. most importantly for me it came down to me not loving myself. i had to learn how to love me. a simple task for some but not me.
why not do a list of things ppl like about you? (if we do it re ourself it's almost impossible). so envision the things they see and like about you. it may surprise you and allow yourself to see the positive things re you. and perhaps take up something new to give you enjoyment. i never knew how to relax. had to be doin' something constructive all the time. i felt guilty just "playing". had to learn how to cut myself a break and do something special just for me. (and that's loving yourself!)

[roads]

Originally Posted by LostAngel0616

Yes to your first question. And I self treated it as an addiction because I felt like the doctors were just trying to slow me down instead of fix the problem at hand. So I started thinking of it as an addiction and thats how I beat the psychical part of it, not realizing I had made no progress on the emotionaly side where I unintentionally seek out painful situations in life. --- Today is gonna be a tough one; I don't get the sanctuary of work later, and home life is too slow for me. I always feel like I'm not getting enough done; always looking for something more to do. That usually puts me on edge with the people around me and causes home to be a very stressful place... And I'm out of ciggarettes until Wednesday... I'm worried...

Thanks for the information. I don't understand how there's a psychical part of it, but probably because I don't live it. It sounds as if diversion is your answer, is that right? I don't see how it's ever going to get better with just that ... but sure hope you find "your" path to healing

Roadie

[LostAngel0616]

Originally Posted by Roadie

Thanks for the information. I don't understand how there's a psychical part of it, but probably because I don't live it. It sounds as if diversion is your answer, is that right? I don't see how it's ever going to get better with just that ... but sure hope you find "your" path to healing

Roadie

The psyhical part was the act of cutting myself; litterally causing myself psyhical harm. The emotional side, where I don't realize that I do and say things to get myself into situations I know will cause me pain, is what soon took over after I stopped cutting myself. I self treated the psyhical cutting as an addiction because even though I knew how much it hurt me and other people, I couldn't stop.

[roads]

Ah. Physical. I was thinking psychical. I was just spelling things wrong. Mixing things up. Thanks again!

[gma45]

checking in......Doing ok today, got the day off. Hoping I get a call about a new job, I would be sooooooo happy if I get it. Things would change for me for the better. I have no desire to drink or drug today. I will try to get to meeting this evening.

[roads]

Sober for us, today, gma45! s galore!

[LostAngel0616]

Originally Posted by Roadie

Ah. Physical. I was thinking psychical. I was just spelling things wrong. Mixing things up. Thanks again!

Yeah, sorry, I never was good at spelling...

I'm giving it up.... no more alcohol for me. It doesn't appear to be conducive with getting my life back on track. wish me luck.

[madisgram]

it's good to see you again, lola. keep us posted. we're here to support you in any way we can... one day at a time.

[optimize990h]

less motivated today hoping to get out of house later

[optimize990h]

got motivated yesterday afternoon and evening giving support to a friend who opened up to me more than usual.

[LostAngel0616]

I am going to completely quit smoking cigarettes. I haven't had my patches for almost a month, so I've been smoking about 4 a day, buying my own from work. But my girlfriend doesn't seem to think that I can quit without them, so after I finish this pack, I'm going cold turkey. Yeah, I guess I'm that woman that when you tell her she can't, it becomes a personal vendetta to do it. Screw her, I'm more powerful than she thinks I am. She wants to do couples therapy to try and work out our issues. Screw that, too. She needs her own fricken therapy. She forced me into it, she has to start herself before I'm going to agree to couple's therapy. My relationship with her is starting to feel like an addiction; no matter how much it hurts everyone, we keep trying. And I wont leave because (a) I have no way to save my money around her, and (b) she keeps using against me the fact that I've given up a lot in my past and I promised her I would do anything to stay with her. So I just have to wait for her to leave me.

[roads]

LostAngel0616:

Yeah, I guess I'm that woman that when you tell her she can't, it becomes a personal vendetta to do it. Screw her, I'm more powerful than she thinks I am.

I'm vaguely reminded of my encounter with the guy who's now my m-doc ... back in 1991. It resulted in my giving up cigarettes for good, and all because he made me that mad! Whatever does it, gofortit . I hope you and me share "that" special kind of anger that can occasionally be turned to the productive. The nice term is sheer, stubborn willpower.

May I very gently suggest that you consider giving the couples therapy a try-out? Give it a six-session run, then examine where you're at. If nothing else you, individually, may benefit ... get a chance working with the therapist at the sessions (even with your partner there, assuming the T's any good) to strengthen your personal focus on things ...

Just a thought ...

Roadie