[madisgram]

((((roadie)))) we're here for you. if posting helps continue. we all care about you lots and you speak wisely to all of us. i'm so sorry you are in such pain. so glad you go to AA often. it won't resolve your condition and anger altogether but you will support there.

[Edge11]

Hi roadie ...yeh I feel that way when i'm depressed...keep giving your support...you've helped me so much...I have those can't get out of bed days...I'm not going to give into the bs in my head...ya know...come on...we need you...

[roads]

excellent speaker meeting followed by opened first-timer AA meeting ... gobs of whining there and excuses and la-la-la.

[carrie_ann]

four weeks sober and hoping to keep it that way!

[roads]

Several sessions of acupuncture a week is relieving head some but not covered by insurance. Still going to AA several times a week. Thanks all for your support.

[beauflow]

((all))

's


sigh, i hate it when i go to look up something (i.e. news or something that has happened that I am like- i never heard of this what is this (story or event)?).... well when I look at the years of these things occurred, some times i "metaphorically" slap my brain and say--
"well no wonder you don't remember beauflow-- you were in the drug life style and were not aware of anything besides getting high."

just guess a reminder today on how much more than i ever thought has been lost due to i was very arrogant, ignorant and just so lost..... and just dove into the life style.

i don't where else to post this, not even sure if anyone else really understands...
but it is just thoughts... not really sad sad about it but, it is sad.

[thickntired]

Hi,

I'm going on 3 weeks of sobriety from weed & alcohol, got a sponsor, and go to AA meetings almost daily. Yay me!

[roads]

Good for you, I am so proud!!
Not everyone can and hardly anyone does--you did it!!

Roadie


Now, one day at a time,
One foot after another another,
Keep going, my friend

[roads]

I just got home from an AA meeting--not the ones I've been going to because I'm so angry & don't want my anger to drive me to drink. This was is because my cat Tiger died suddenly today ... I'm devastated. I'm alone now, no RL friends who can actually touch me, look into my eyes, wait up at night till Im home. No one who knows me ... That I'm me ... Me in a special way that no one else can be, for him.
I am so alone, and I don't know how this happened. What it is. I don't think AA meetings can fix it.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by beauflow

((all))

's


sigh, i hate it when i go to look up something (i.e. news or something that has happened that I am like- i never heard of this what is this (story or event)?).... well when I look at the years of these things occurred, some times i "metaphorically" slap my brain and say--
"well no wonder you don't remember beauflow-- you were in the drug life style and were not aware of anything besides getting high."

just guess a reminder today on how much more than i ever thought has been lost due to i was very arrogant, ignorant and just so lost..... and just dove into the life style.

i don't where else to post this, not even sure if anyone else really understands...
but it is just thoughts... not really sad sad about it but, it is sad.

beauflow it makes perfect sense to me. i guess the fact you're clean and sober will give you lots and lots of good memories.sometimes for me looking back doesn't help my state of mind. so try to move forward friend. it will help i believe.

[carrie_ann]

had one drink last nite then knocked it on the head ... dep is a biatch but drinking thru it is worse

hope everyone is good

[roads]

Back from another AA mtg to remember not to drink
but I just want to drink to passing out and not come to.
No, I'm not suicidal ...
just so tired of my empty life, with my soulmate cat even gone from it.
There is no one IRL. I'm not feeling sorry for me. I'm only empty, numb, a balloon wearing a mask, floating through this existence.

Drinking to passing out and not coming to.

I asked for a new sponsor.

[avlady]

Please don't drink you've come so far, you can always get a new pet, but you can't get another week of sobriety back.I am here if you need me my e-mail address is avlady@roadrunner.com

Roadie I know what you are going through as I lost my dog hippo, several months back, after 10 years suddenly. It's ok to be sad and mourn the loss. Time will make it easier, these feelings will fade. It may not feel like it but they will. I hope you find a new sponsor soon. Keep posting we are all here for you.

[madisgram]

I'm alone now, no RL friends who can actually touch me, look into my eyes, wait up at night till Im home. No one who knows me ... That I'm me ... Me in a special way that no one else can be, for him.
I am so alone, and I don't know how this happened. What it is. I don't think AA meetings can fix it.

roadie i am so sorry to hear about your kitty. pets are so wonderful and love us unconditionly. it's absolutely ok to be sad. who wouldn't be!??
and i'm sorry you feel so alone. we all really care for you here. there's a lot to love re you. i just wish you could make irl friends. i found an abundance of friends thru AA. matter of fact my very best friends are in AA. are you reticient of taking that leap of faith? it may be scary but i think you would be such a good friend. surely there are others in AA who feel scared to reach out and are lonely too.
this brings to mind when i made a long distance move. i went to AA every day to get a foothold at new meetings there. i felt i was out of the circle and i cried before going to meetings. i made myself go even with those depressing thoughts. my life depended on it. i talked to my long distance sponsor about it. she said "u go to a meeting and do what you have been taught. go up to the newcomer, intro yourself, give them your phone number and try to make yourself chat with them. get a temporary sponsor while you get to know some ppl with good sobriety." and service work takes us out of ourselves and you will make friends this way too. to start off maybe do a coffee commitment. say hello as people arrive. ask them how things are going. by putting your face out there people will get to know you better too. i hope my suggestions offer you options to reach out. and i'm glad you are still going to meetings in spite of how you feel. also if you have a higher power you can pray and say you need help to overcome your anger and loneliness. it's ok to ask.
oh and get another kitty soon.

[roads]

Thank you, madisgram. I'm made some friends at AA, but they've remained casual friends (I'm looking for a close, best friend--just one), or even more they move on ... from me and from AA & don't want to stay in touch.
I have another cat. That's not the the issue. Tiger was one of those soulmates.
Thank you, though. I've had some treasured friends in life. Maybe that's not what's meant for me now, and I must accept it.
roadie

[DelusionsDaily]

Struggling to stay sober. in LOTS of emotional pain. Hope things get better...SOON.

[DelusionsDaily]

F**K I drank. I just couldn't help it anymore. I was so miserable with all this pain. I hate my life and everything about it. I just can't do anything right.

[roads]

I'm so sorry, Mellissad ... but drinking is never the answer. Never. Just. Isn't.
Wish it were though ... )

[sugahorse1]

I'm still trying to work out if I have a addiction. Know there is a question mark over alcohol addiction (I'm a 27 year old female, yet managed to drink 12 or so beers on Sat). And I have abused prescription meds in the past, and benzo's still intrigue me, as well as anything that can knock me out

[roads]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

I'm still trying to work out if I have a addiction. Know there is a question mark over alcohol addiction (I'm a 27 year old female, yet managed to drink 12 or so beers on Sat). And I have abused prescription meds in the past, and benzo's still intrigue me, as well as anything that can knock me out

Yes, my sweet friend--you have addictions. Right--shouldn't judge another another ... I've watched you try to think and squirm your way out in the usual ways (I'm an old hand at it & fairly good). I'm sorry ... but find a program, get a sponsor, and dig in. It gets easier from then on. Acceptance is key! Then you know what the enemy is--the addiction, and not you. That's good news!

roadie

[DelusionsDaily]

Got a second sponsor...hooray. Get to do my 5th step while going back to the first step. I explained everything to her and she said ok.

i am sober and clean of illigal drugs today. i did not attend church because of storm in neast. i feel sore but safe. i attend aa regually and they care to know that i am okay. they benefit from my story and my shares, during discussion meetings. i like some aa meetings, other aa meetings have bullies. i avoid those meetings. aa helped me stay safe, while unsafe. members can offer good suggestions on living sober and well. tx

[she imp]

I think I feel a virus coming on...ya know that blah feeling before you get sick where you kinda hope you might not, but it's really inevitable...maybe

right, paranoid night...add hypochondria i guess.... STFUpping now, peace folks. Thanks kind PC...<3

[madisgram]

just checking in too. it's a beautiful day in the neighrhood. for those up north...brrrrrr-r.