[GreyGoose]

Hi

I woke up this morning feeling nervous and on edge. I also had a mild sinus-type headache but I also sleep with a lot of different animals and have all kinds of allergy/sinus problems, anxiety, OCD, IBS, etc. In other words, I'm a wreck!. My anxiety has gotten to the point where I have been drinking a 1/3'rd of a fifth of whiskey every almost every day just to cope (big mistake, I know - but it helps a LOT!). Yesterday, I did'nt drink (withdrawal?) and I took an Atarax (a powerful antihistamine) before bedtime and then skipped my usual dose of Lorazepam this morning. At about noon this afternoon I started drinking my whiskey and coke again and I've had two drinks so far.

My anxiety is better now (although I know I should'nt be using alcohol to relieve it). I called the pharmacist (the nutty one) and told her that I had consumed 2 glasses of whiskey and coke and she was like "ok what's your point???" (real rude-like) and I said "well, I was wondering if it would be safe to take a..." and before I even got the words out, she said "yeah" and I was like "how can I even take your advice when you did'nt even allow me to finish my sentence?". I mean, maybe I was getting ready to ask her if it would be safe to drink alcohol with rat poison or something. Would her answer still be "yeah"?. I could'nt believe her apathy, rudeness and lack of regard for my health.

Anyway, my room mate is always calling me "mental", the pharmacist acts like she could care less wether I live or die and noone else seems to care or even understand. Are we still living in the dark ages in the U.S.?. I'm sure if I offered someone a million dollars (if I had a million dollars!) everyone would be rushing like crazy to "cure" me.

- GreyGoose

[hereiam]

I don't mean to sound rude but...is it others job to 'cure' you? If you're drinking to relieve anxiety, and you know thats bad, why are you doing it? Why are you skipping meds?

Some people are rude (re: pharmacist) and some are ignorant (re: roomie calling you mental) but at the end of the day, it's only you who can help yourself.

I wish only the best for you!!!!

[GreyGoose]

(: now why would I be looking for someone to "cure" me?. Just a little professional respect when I make a phone call to the pharmacist is all I'm asking for. I have a problem (I know that). Anyway, thank you for responding. Perhaps I'll die soon and do myself and the rest of the world a favor. I've been around for 43 years now and I am still a long way off from understanding people. When it comes to animals, I've had so many people over the years call me "bird man", "horse whisperer" and "doctor doolittle" that it has become my nickname. I WANT to understand people too but I will never understand them because they are an extremely elusive riddle.

EDIT: Ok, I don't want to appear rude myself. You've asked a legitimate question and your entitled to an answer. Why do I drink?. Because it make my anxiety go away. Sometimes people do things they know are bad for them because they reach a point where they are willing to do anything just to make the pain go away.

- GreyGoose

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((((Grey))))))))))))))))))))

I understand. Sometimes, I would cut my right hand off if I could just feel some damn releif. As far as the pharmacist goes, I understand that also. Sometimes we will catch people at bad times and this sounds like you may have. It doesnt excuse her behavior but it may explain it. I can not beleive your room mate calls you mental. I mean, that is so hurtful. I am sorry about that.

I am in a very bad way myself right now so I dont have any magical words of advice, just know that I understand.

[Parker10]

Just a question - did u take whatever you called the "nutty" pharmacist about?

And you edited response above concerns me.... you know drinking is bad for you, but you will do anything to feel better, but it only makes you feel better short term, unless you want to continue drinking (as u are an alcoholic). Perhaps it is time to actually deal with what is causing the anxiety, rather than covering it up with alcohol.

Another thought - no - we are not living in the dark ages in the US - we have wonderful Doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, medication, etc that help people get better. But of course, people have to use those wonderful services in order to benefit from them.

[GreyGoose]

Hi

First of all, I really believe in my heart of hearts that I am dying of rabies (true or not) and so, if I am dying anyway, I feel that the best course for me is to at least ease the transition from life to death by drinking alcohol and thus, sedating myself to the fullest extent possible so as to remove at least some of the anxiety surrounding this fear/belief.

I hate to say this and I'm sure a lot of people will be offended by it but therapists/psychiatrists/doctors are paid for what they do which presents a conflict of interest which in turn means that I can never be sue if they are "helping me because it is "their job" and they are being paid to do it or if they are genuinely interested in my well-being (think about it).

In the end, the doctors, therapists, mortician, etc will all make a buck out of me and I'll soon be forgotten. I know it sounds pretty doomsdayish but it is indisputable.

tim......i hear ya.......and i love ya......and if there were anything i could do to help you......you know i would.....hang in there my good man.....i care........julia

[jmo531]

[GreyGoose]

I think ALL of us need a huge, collective group hug and even as bad as I feel right now, I will go first...

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((GROUP HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Shaymus]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
GreyGoose said:

I hate to say this and I'm sure a lot of people will be offended by it but therapists/psychiatrists/doctors are paid for what they do which presents a conflict of interest which in turn means that I can never be sue if they are "helping me because it is "their job" and they are being paid to do it or if they are genuinely interested in my well-being (think about it).

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Sometimes i think i prefer they are doing it because they are getting paid to do it. I mean what greater motivation to succeed is there for humans? I have several people who care who cant really help me as i need them to be my friend. Where an impartial therapist/doctor has to do what works regardless of my hurt feelings.

As for the drinking, i think in the long run that has to be your choice. I know at one point outside forces tried to take away my drug of choice and it was awful and i felt powerless. Then several months later i decided i wanted to quit and quit under my own conditions. While the drug did help with anxiety i found that for me, working things out the hard way has definate advantages and are a more perminent solution(and cheaper too). This will sound wacky but i think the brain can build up a tolerance to stress as well and the drug for me would not let the tolerance build as id medicate it the moment symptoms showed up.

[seeker1950]

Hi, Grey...
I have resisted going to therapy for many years now, and believe, like any other working stiff, they are putting their time in on the clock (literally!), i.e...."Your time is up!" I've reached a very good point by working real hard lately.
Try sending me a PM, Grey, if you wish.
Seeker

GG, a doctor goes to school, oh, let's see, about 22 years, if they have a speciality. they're on call, right out of school, for days, in the hospital.that's a lot different than sitting on your butt, criticizing people who worked hard to get ahead. i'm sorry that you think that they are out to get your money and not out to help you. as long as you have that attitude, you'll never get any help. even doctors and pharmacists get fed up and i suspect that your pharmacists have taken more than one call from you. and how do i know all this? i was married to a surgeon and our home number was listed in the phone book. we took all calls, noon, midnight, 2 a.m., whenever. interrupted vacations, dinner parties, picnics, softball games, you name it. just to take care of a patient!!!!

i cannot believe that you're blaming "rabies" for deadening your pain. you don't have rabies. you have addictions and they sure aren't helping your anxiety.

[GreyGoose]

fayerody

As a medical professional yourself, your response comes as little suprize as do your inaccurate assumptions of how often I contact this particular pharmacist. The criticism was well-deserved. She was very rude (even pharmacists have bad hair days, right?).

I know doctors go to school for years (so did I and I work 14 hours a day and do anything but sit on my butt as you have rather blatantly implied) but that does not give them a license to treat others in a rude manner or have a "God complex").

I don't have an "attitude" but when I am treated rudely, I don't appreciate it (I don't think anyone appreciates being treated like a dog). If you are going to enter the medical profession, either learn how to treat patients or find another line of work rather than crying about how difficult it is and blaming your patients for your career choices.

A little compassion and sympathy for those of us who are lower down the social ladder would be greatly appreciated too instead of "I worked my butt of therefore you should worship at my feet!!.

- GreyGoose

i didn't cry about it. i was just stating the facts. i've never been rude to a patient in my life. ever. how could you get that patients are blamed for someone's career choice? you're stretching, GG.

have you ever considered trying narcotics anon or alcoholics anon? they don't charge you and the last time i heard, none of them have god complexes.

[GreyGoose]

I hate to say this but I need to have a personal (PM) chat with either Doc John, Ozzie or a MOD as quickly as possible).

[GreyGoose]

fayerody

You are stating "facts" based on faulty assumptions about how often I speak to this particular pharmacist (please re-read your reply). I never accused you of being rude to a patient. If your going to preach about the long hours doctors spend going to school or dealing with patients, then perhaps an exciting career in carpentry might be a more appropriate alternative for you. Perhaps a little humilty rather than crying about what doctors have to go through might be an even better idea. No, I've never attended an AA meeting because I'm not into donuts, coffee and being judged (sorry, I know that makes me a bad person but it's just not me).

- GreyGoose

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I can never be sue if they are "helping me because it is "their job" and they are being paid to do it or if they are genuinely interested in my well-being (think about it).

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

What does it matter WHY they do what they do as long as they make you better?? Most doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, etc are in the profession BECAUSE they want to help people. Some are people persons and some aren't, some have good bedside manners and some don't, some are on a good day and some are on a bad day. Why do you let that even enter your head if what you really want is to get better?

This rabies thing? It's an obcession brought on by your anxiety. I was like that until I decided to get it together and seek some professional help.

All of your "yeah, buts" are cop-outs that your anxiety puts out there. Somehow, you're getting a pay-off for all of this and it's easier to stay where you are than to get up out of your comfort zone.

Like someone else said, at the end of the day, it's YOU who can make yourself better, it's YOU that has the final say. And yes, maybe subconsciously, you're looking for someone to come along and "cure" you because, again, you don't want to move out of what's familiar to you.

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((((((((((GG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hang in there. OK. I understand.

[bebop]

I just have one question...if you are so sure you have rabies then why not get tested and take the shots?

why..........no matter what he says......does everyone have to jump all over him????????.....if you don't like what he says.ignore it!....SUPPORT! remember?????? SUPPORT?????????.....he has as much right to his opinions as anyone here!......if you don't like what he says.leave it alone!!!!!!......

[jmo531]

Oh Grey!!! I know how you are feeling. All to well. Please know that you CAN come here for support. I will always lend an ear when you need it. I know I wasnt much help today but I am here for you.

((((((((((((((((((((Grey))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[hereiam]

((((((GG))))))

Thanks for your reply. I didn't intend to sound rude, and I know it could have been construed that way, so thanks for being patient with me!

Your anxiety, the rabies, the alcohol...you sound very very sad and confused. Can you imagine continuing your life this way? I sincerely hope that you find a good therapist, psychiatrist, or even a friend who can help you out. Best of luck.

[GreyGoose]

Wow, yesterday was a blur. After posting here, etc, I conked out on the floor for about 2-3 hours and then woke up, took a Lorazepam and crawled into bed - where I lay there in a sweat and unable to sleep for several hours. Finally, I went to sleep and slept until about 10:30 this morning, took a walk, had my coffee and then decided to take my temp. It was 99.1 so that scared me but my temp has gone up even higher than that for years. Maybe my body has just had enough. I feel like a whipped horse!.

I drank 1/2 a bottle of whiskey last night. I've decided that I don't want to drink anymore and I've prayed to God to help me deal with this and I am going to try to make a REAL effort. I know it won't be easy getting off booze. It was'nt easy the last time (shakes, sweats, horrible anxiety, panic attacks, etc) but I HAVE to do it.

To all those I may have offended last night, I am sorry. You have all been so very supportive and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Anyway, I just took another Lorazepam (I'm not drinking now so it's safer) and I'll just have to take one day at a time I guess.

- Regards, GreyGoose

[seeker1950]

Hi, Grey,
I am concerned about what you are doing.
Drinking and taking strong prescription meds.
What do you think is going to happen if you continue this? I am not asking this to condemn you; I am actually thinking it might be a good idea to check yourself into some form of rehab situation...
Seeker

[MacD]

Predjudice and Ignorance.....the two most powerful inhibitors to communication....Hey...we're here for you....and in case anyone hasn't read it "Judge not that ye be not judged"...whoops...religious insight...sorry