[AnxiousSadGirl]

Hi everyone I posted a thread on here about separation anxiety and I didn't get responses that helped much. I am so damn anxious and lately my separation anxiety is so bad its interfering with everything. I havent heard from my boyfriend in 5 hours and although that doesn't seem like a long time it's ages for me because of this disorder. I am so anxious something bad happened to him and even more anxious because he usually messages me around this time and also even more anxious because we had argued last night. He messeged me this morning saying hes outside but Im still so anxious... I can't calm down I tried. What do I do? I dont want to live like this anymore. What can I do I seriously think something bad happened in my mind its definite. Im sick of the pain. Please someone help me. If I dont hear from him all day I dont know what Ill do Ill be a wreck. Thankyou

[CosmicRose]

There are going to be lots of times when your boyfriend or your loved ones are not in contact with you for longer than 5 hours and that does not mean they are in danger. Do not let this control you because you could be doing so many other creative things with your time right now, seriously. No guy (or girl) wants to have their significant other checking up on them so often - I am dating a man right now and we can easily go an entire two or three days without texting or talking to each other.
You don't need anyone but yourself and if you insist on having all certain types of people in your life constantly check up with you to make sure they're okay - it will seriously drive people away. I'm not trying to scare you but I am being completely honest.
People need their space - it doesn't mean they got mugged or kidnapped or anything like that.
Go take a hot bath with candles, listen to music, meditate, watch videos on youtube, watch tv, read a book, paint, nap, eat, do anything to take your mind off of this because it is obsessive thinking and it doesn't control you.

[Shriveled Muse]

I don't have separation anxiety however when I get anxious to that point, either sleeping or watching tv helps me calm down. I hear people also exercise to get rid of the nervous energy or listen to calming music. Focusing on controlling your breathing, slowing it down, is also a possibility. Hopefully one of these methods might help. Good luck

[AnxiousSadGirl]

I try calming down... I try many things to relax just doesn't work. I don't need to be told that I shouldn't think this way, I know I shouldn't be this way, I'm asking for help on how I can not be this way, how I can heal myself. It's a disorder... I can't just be like okay hes fine and stop worrying, the thoughts are instant and won't go away no matter what I do. Unfortunately I can't sleep when I get like this, it would be nice to be able to so I can just forget everything for a moment. I've had it all my life, 18 now, so its been many years of thinking this way, it's not going to be easy to reverse that.

[CosmicRose]

I think the only practical advice anyone can give you is psychological - "Don't care so much." This might sound like its "too easy" or "won't work" or "not practical" but that's about as simple as it gets. That's what it boils down to. If you cannot do any physical activities to help you heal from this, such as yoga, meditation or reading a book, then the only other way to approach this is psychological.
I have social anxiety and I was talking to my sister about this the other day and she said "Eventually you're going to just stop giving a ***** so you might as well stop giving a ***** right now." The same applies to both of these situations, with your separation anxiety and my social anxiety. You are putting way too much emphasis on this disorder and on other people, and in my case so am I. I'm going to stop saying I have a social anxiety disorder because just by saying that, I'm already giving it power over me and assuming it is completely out of my control - and what can you do with anything that isn't in your control? Nothing. So take the reins or suffer, that's basically what it comes down to.

[Sinking Feeling]

Are you seeing a pdoc? If so have they prescribed any meds for you? I get bad anxiety too. Meds help me. Zoloft does wonders for all kinds of anxiety and even OCD, and benzos as needed too.

[BadWolf]

Write down all the terrible things that could happen to him on a piece of paper. Then for each one write down what proof or evidence you have to support each one. When you finish, go back and rate the likelihood that each one has (or will) occurred.

Then, write down all the non-terrible things that could happen, and do the same thing.

[bipolar angel]

Bad wolf, I love your suggestion. I am mild bipolar but due to recent event am having major anxiety and depression, taking antidep, mood stabilizer, have prn benzo. Problem is I don't want get addicted to taking the benzo-even if not physically addicted then mentally. Also I work, if I break tabs in half, can function at work on that dose, if take whole tab, feel less anxioys but need to sleep!! Ps-my psych md knows I break them in half. Cant afford take few days off work to settle, also we short staffed, so would not work well with boss. Realized I'm ranting a little, sorry...I am going to try your list idea-already do breathing, meditating, candles, music...can't believe my t didn't make list suggestion! !
Anxious sad girl-don't give up, just keep trying different things, some days, like today, 1method alone does not work for me.

[Disorder7]

I really think you need to see a doctor. Preferably a psychiatrist. This might just be a form of anxiety. Or it could be something else. Borderline Personality Disorder comes to mind.
But I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis. I'm just saying it may be more than separation anxiety. If I were you, I'd want to find out what it is, and fix it.
Take care.

Originally Posted by CosmicRose

There are going to be lots of times when your boyfriend or your loved ones are not in contact with you for longer than 5 hours and that does not mean they are in danger. Do not let this control you because you could be doing so many other creative things with your time right now, seriously. No guy (or girl) wants to have their significant other checking up on them so often - I am dating a man right now and we can easily go an entire two or three days without texting or talking to each other.
You don't need anyone but yourself and if you insist on having all certain types of people in your life constantly check up with you to make sure they're okay - it will seriously drive people away. I'm not trying to scare you but I am being completely honest.
People need their space - it doesn't mean they got mugged or kidnapped or anything like that.
Go take a hot bath with candles, listen to music, meditate, watch videos on youtube, watch tv, read a book, paint, nap, eat, do anything to take your mind off of this because it is obsessive thinking and it doesn't control you.

Originally Posted by BadWolf

Write down all the terrible things that could happen to him on a piece of paper. Then for each one write down what proof or evidence you have to support each one. When you finish, go back and rate the likelihood that each one has (or will) occurred.

Then, write down all the non-terrible things that could happen, and do the same thing.

Originally Posted by Disorder7

I really think you need to see a doctor. Preferably a psychiatrist. This might just be a form of anxiety. Or it could be something else. Borderline Personality Disorder comes to mind.
But I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis. I'm just saying it may be more than separation anxiety. If I were you, I'd want to find out what it is, and fix it.
Take care.

Imo these posts give you things you can really take some time to think about.

Also, maybe you can consider this. I'm going to reinforce what was already said to get down to my point:

Do you have other things to focus on? In short: people you can relate to in differing degrees (coworkers, friends/acquaintances, family...); hobbies/interests (could be anything really...idk gardening, photography, decorating, art, reading, cooking, writing - whatever you want...); and lastly pursuits (usually a blend of some of these things or all, depending on where you are in life, what you want and is available to you).

All of these things would enrich your life and along with them comes goals. When you have all or some of these things you have something to look forward to/work for, then you wouldn't be as intensely focused on your boyfriend or anyone else for that matter. I'm not saying focus in extremes by completely neglecting some things while wholeheartedly giving complete attention to others because that would be unhealthy.

Re-read that last sentence because I suspect that may be what you are doing here.

If you had other things that were just as important to you, you probably wouldn't be so centrally focused on him. I'm saying I suspect because I'm not you, I'm not qualified to say for certain (lol) and only you know how much truth there is in that. As already mentioned I too suggest you seek a counselor to walk you through all that's going on with you because there can be other factors you're not fully aware of and they can guide you in coping in healthful ways.

[AnxiousSadGirl]

Hey thanks for the replies everyone I really appreciate it. To be honest I'm just one big loner. I've lost all of my friends due to not being able to leave my home because I feel too hideous but that's another story. I guess cos I'm so alone and depressed that I don't have passion for anything. I usually just stay in bed all day. I have no life. And it's so hard to connect to people at school, I'm usually very anxious about how people perceive me. I get anxious about people looking at me so I try to stay away from people. I'm not happy I feel very alone and I've never felt like anyone cares about me but really I was just pushing people away that's why I lost my friends... I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, I haven't felt happiness since I was a little girl I feel so empty all the time. I like nutrition but I have such a hard time leaving my home to go to the store because I hate how I look. I actually think if I was pretty I would be happy so I search for different types of plastic surgery...
I've considered medication but never went through with it and I don't know why.
I've talked to people before but I found it didn't help and I went to so many people and got tired of explaining my story... so I just didn't bother to go anymore.
I read about BPD and I'm still confused about it :/ Some symptoms I can relate to.
BadWolf I will try that thank you. He is a safe person and he is older than me he doesn't do risky things usually just hangs out with friends but I still worry like if he's on his way home did he get bashed or die in a car crash or something :/

[Blitter2014]

Originally Posted by AnxiousSadGirl

Hey thanks for the replies everyone I really appreciate it. To be honest I'm just one big loner. I've lost all of my friends due to not being able to leave my home because I feel too hideous but that's another story. I guess cos I'm so alone and depressed that I don't have passion for anything. I usually just stay in bed all day. I have no life. And it's so hard to connect to people at school, I'm usually very anxious about how people perceive me. I get anxious about people looking at me so I try to stay away from people. I'm not happy I feel very alone and I've never felt like anyone cares about me but really I was just pushing people away that's why I lost my friends... I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, I haven't felt happiness since I was a little girl I feel so empty all the time. I like nutrition but I have such a hard time leaving my home to go to the store because I hate how I look. I actually think if I was pretty I would be happy so I search for different types of plastic surgery...
I've considered medication but never went through with it and I don't know why.
I've talked to people before but I found it didn't help and I went to so many people and got tired of explaining my story... so I just didn't bother to go anymore.
I read about BPD and I'm still confused about it :/ Some symptoms I can relate to.
BadWolf I will try that thank you. He is a safe person and he is older than me he doesn't do risky things usually just hangs out with friends but I still worry like if he's on his way home did he get bashed or die in a car crash or something :/

I'm saddened to hear your struggle. It sounds like you have a real fight on your hands and I admire the fact you haven't given up.

Please keep talking here on PC, keep trying and know there are others that care. It will be ok. Its not always going to feel like it does now. You may get a clear diagnosis, you might find the right specialist, the answer may just be around lifes next corner. Just keep going .

Know your cared for

[AnxiousSadGirl]

Thank you

[too SHy]

I learned to just not care" a while back. They don't care about you, or the horse you rode in on. So, do the same.

[CosmicRose]

I would say this sounds more like classic Depression vs. BPD, but I'm not a doctor. You only get one body. Appreciate and care for this one. No one is ugly and if you really are convinced that you are - then you need to do some lifestyle changes to feel better about yourself such as clean & healthy eating, yoga or light exercise, dancing, or just lighting candles around your bathroom and taking a nice hot bath - these things make every woman including myself feel much sexier and better about themselves. Staying in bed all day is probably contributing to you thinking you're ugly because I'm guessing you're not doing your hair or experimenting with make up or taking extra good care of your skin, etc. So there are steps you can take to make yourself feel better about your appearance, I look 100% better after I get out of bed and get dressed up for the day and I feel better about myself - its not vain, its just true.
Even though you can't think of anything you'd like to do right now, you know there is something you're just not thinking of. You gotta find it, do brainstorming, seriously. Write a list of things that are even semi-related to the things you like to do, write list after list after list and eventually something will pop out at you that you never thought about before and you will eventually find your passion.
Write a book about separation anxiety, research how to create a website about depression, paint to get your feelings out, take a stroll outside, meditate in the sun in your backyard, do arts and crafts (there's an infinite number of arts and crafts you could start doing and even begin selling), attend farmers markets if your town has them, get really interested in eating healthy and vitamins and supplements and nutrition. These are all ideas that can make anyone feel better. Life never stays the same, it does change, it won't always be like this but you need to do some little steps to steer your life in the direction you want because this life is a dream and you're the one steering the ship, no one else is.
Do not ever put anyone else ahead of your own happiness and your own needs - this is what you're doing by worrying about everyone else but yourself. They're fine, you're not. So put them to the side and focus on making you happy.
You aren't in a relationship with anyone if you aren't in a relationship with yourself first.

[AnxiousSadGirl]

Hey ComicRose I really appreciate your responses thank you for caring. I feel a little better if I shave and do my hair but once I catch sight of myself in the mirror I think "what a fking monster" Is body dysmorphic disorder a possibility too? I find I relate to it alot. Yeh I really did love eating healthy. I would go out and buy fruit and veg and other health foods all the time haha. There was a time when I was into healthy eating and excercise and going out in the sun and taking care of my appearance but since I got no results I just gave up :/ It wasn't making me happy. I was still down. I don't see a point in doing anything (like having a successful career) since I have no significance in this universe so it doesnt matter if I fail at life right? I don't believe theres anything to live for.

[CosmicRose]

I've also felt like there's nothing to live for and I've been right on the edge, if you know what I mean. But then I thought "Okay, if I died tomorrow, that means I just have one more day left." And that made me really appreciate that day. Maybe you need to take every single day as if it were literally your last. Sometimes depression happens because our life looks like a looong drawn out road with infinite days ahead of us and that alone is tiring. Changing your perspective on how long you have left on this world makes everything look a little brighter, taste a little bit better, sounds are a little more precious, and your body begins to feel a little more capable.
Imagine you only had 24 hours left. What would you want to do? I don't mean go skydiving or run out and get a tattoo, I mean what would make you appreciate this last day on earth a little more? What would you want to spend the last moments doing? Being happy. Period.
As far as the body dysmorphic disorder, that's always a possibility, but everything you're talking about is really a matter of perspective. I don't know if you'd like this - but here are some people that have helped me a lot on my path from suicidal depression and PTSD to living a life worth living. You can find all these people on youtube.
Bashar (Darryl Anka) - meditation and life advice
Dara Dubinet - nutrition, recipes, healthy living
Alan Watts - meditation and deep thinking
Byron Katie - self introspection
Les Brown - motivational speaker
Moojiji - calm meditation
Lisa Nichols - motivational speaker
Benjamin Smythe - gives advice about life
Terence Mckenna - probably my favorite guy to listen to about everything
Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters) - on being a better version of yourself
Abraham Hicks (Esther Hicks) - law of attraction seminars
Gangaji - meditation talks

By the way, "ugly" is relative. A lot of people think Kate Moss is ugly and she's a model.

[AnxiousSadGirl]

Thank you.

I've been doing alot of reading on BPD and I relate to almost all of it just not the acting impulsively and risky part. I've never engaged in those kind of activities.

Thanks for the list I will check everyone out

My boyfriends attracted to me... I just don't see why or how :/ When I'm with him and he compliments me I feel happy but once I see myself I feel hideous all over again... No one can make you feel beautiful but yourself. It's my job.

Thank you for replying again. I should probably go talk to a psychologist. I've only ever talked about my separation anxiety and nothing else. I should probably tell them everything. I just have to find the courage to do so.

I go from wanting to get better to not giving a crap.

[AnxiousSadGirl]

Oh I didn't know about the thanks feature should thank everyone now

[bipolar angel]

Anxious sadgirl, hang in there. As coic rose said, do it 1day at a time.please tell your therapist or pdoc everything, s they can figure out the right program for you. You are not alone, you habe everyone here ay psych central. Mamy of us have felt worthless at times and wondered why bother. You are worthwhile...you are doing something, you had the courage to write it here!! Hugs

[bipolar angel]

Cosmicrose-I wanted to say thanks for your posts
I was feeling anxious..read all your suggestions and they are great. I am going to check them out on youtube.thank you wise one.