[SeptemberMorn]

this morning. It was partly my fault because I didn't take my beta blocker for the palpitations last night. Fell asleep watching TV and I didn't wake up until 7 this morning. Got up to get my coffee and by the time I got back to bed, there were no regular heart beats, just one palpitation after another. Then it started; the coldness that sweeps down my whole body but this time it concentrated in my back... wave after wave of it. Then the doubt sets in; is it only panic or is this more serious? I'm pounding on my chest to hopefully get a few normal beats in but that doesn't work. I cough as hard as I can, but nothing. I get up and walk around a bit and that seems to work but only for a few mintues. This couldn't have lasted more than 15 minutes, but it felt like 15 days. Then on top of it, hubby leaves for LA for the day. ggrrrr I didn't say anything about the panic or him going. All I would have gotten is "What do you want me to do?" and not in a sincere tone, either. Finally the meds take effect and I'm drained! I took a nap but I don't know for how long. I'm still drained but someone's working on my kitchen and it needs to get done to easy some of my stress... so he stays. I'm not going to send him home. Besides... if something else happens, at least I won't be alone. Like he could help! LOL He's slightly retarded and highly emotional. ... and he talks my head off!! Still, it's better that way.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

I'm sorry you had such a lousy night. A day without decent sleep really stinks. Your panic attack description was really vivid - made me feel chills. It sounds awful.

Maybe listening to the guy in your kitchen for a while could be pretty darned interesting. Get a steno pad, nod a lot, consider yourself his T, and send him a bill.

Take care. Emmy

"Language is a Trojan horse by which the universe gets into the mind. ." -- Hugh Kenner

[SeptemberMorn]

LOL Sending him a bill would be interesting since he's getting paid for doing the kitchen. Maybe we can strike a deal, eh?

Thanks for the chuckle.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[heatherm]

((((((((((((Tomi)))))))))))))))

Sending you tons of the positive energy you had been sending me hun. Please take care and know that it will pass.


Heather

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Heather}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thanks, Hun. I can feel it already!





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Fuzzybear]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tomi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Your fuzzy friend xx

[SeptemberMorn]

AWWW Fuzzy! How did you know I was needing a hug from you?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FuzzyWuzzy wuzn't fuzzy, wuz'e?}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

hehehe Fuzzy hugs are the best!





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[PlanningtoLive]

Sending you buckets of love and prayers, Tomi.

xoxoxox Please take care of yourself, we need you.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

(((((((septemberMom))))))

I get that sometimes as well, mine could be because I have sinus arrythmia, not too happy about that but aparently it's normal.. *shrugs* I don't know - I got for test and it always comes out still that I have this.

I know how you feel though, been there so many times.... *hugs*

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[SeptemberMorn]

Your buckets of love and prayers are working, Hun! No more panic attacks or palpitations!

Of course, I was careful to take my beta blocker last night! LOL





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[darkeyes]

Glad to hear you are feeling better
Take care,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[SeptemberMorn]

Gosh, isn't the sensation horrible?? I've been told it's not life threatening but it sure feels like it is!! I even got to see a contraction on a monitor when I was getting a test. It doesn't look like it's effective but it must be. I've never been told the diagnosis, though. It sure doesn't feel "normal" to me! LOL Hope that doesn't happen again any time soon!!





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[SeptemberMorn]

Thanks, DE!





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Oh it is normal, and no you can't die for it.. it's all good. You may feel like it, but it wont happen....

They are the worse, I had some anxiety yesturday, I wasn't too happy about it. It's gone for now. Not looking forward to tomorrow morning though cause I have a job interview with a job I don't even really want!!



But anyways, I can relate girl, and it sucks large BUTT!! hehehe

Take care.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[SeptemberMorn]

Haven't had any more palpitations, thank God, but I've still got anxiety residuals. Had a very minor panic attack at lunch today. I had a pain in my esophagus but then the doubts start and you're off and running again! Even after the adrenalin rush, it's like someone threw a cold blanket over you and it keeps you from doing things without that nagging thought in the back of your head. I HATE it when that happens!! I can deal with the adrenaline rushes because I've gotten used to them. It's just when something else triggers them that I hate! No amount of breathing exercises or happy thoughts or keeping your mind busy helps! ARGH! I've got my old witch of a grandmother to thank for it, too! !!!





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Butterfly_Faerie]

I hate that, the littlest symptom can make what you are feeling 10 times worse. Also the more you think about it the worse it will get.

Do you know what triggered this attack at lunch?

Well panic often feels like it freezes you or paralyses you, and that's what it exactly does. I hate it when that happens too, but normally for mew when it gets that bad I end up balling my eyes out cause I am so scared, but thank god it's rare for me now.

Actually you know what? The postive self talk will help you eventually no matter how panicky you are. The more you do it the more your brain will register the postive thinking and the symptoms will start to go away. It takes time, paitents and alot of practice. I always thought that no matter what I would just have to rough it out, not I can talk my way out of it... so take it from me lady it works, just have to keep at it....

Take care...

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[SeptemberMorn]

Yep, I know that feeling well. In fact, I'll be symptom free for a while and suddenly the thing will pop into my mind and the symptom starts again. If that isn't proof that its the mind playing tricks, I don't know what is.

There are several reasons why I have chest pains, but so far, it hasn't been my heart. Yesterday it was a superficial pain, probably in my esophagus. The pain would come and go real quick. In fact, I still have it very slightly when I burp. Not a heart attack symptom! LOL But if I let my thoughts get away from me, I'll still get the adrenalin rush. ggrrrrr That in turn makes me feel weak, etc. and the vicious circle starts again. I know it will pass, but in the meantime...

There's no doubt in my mind that all this is because of the stressors in my life right now. There's not much I can do about it except ride it out. Talking to the people involved will only increase the tension and possibly make things worse all around. I've been thinking of posting the things that are bothering me but then I think that it would be too involved. AHH! I don't know. Maybe I should think about it a bit more, but then again... Poop! See what I mean? It just goes round and round! I'll get through it, though. Been doing it for over 20 years.

Thanks for listening, though. I really appreciate it. It helps to have someone to talk to about it.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Butterfly_Faerie]

I know, i'll be symptoms free for awhile then it'll hit me. It sucks, but for me there is always a reasoning behind it, triggering it for me. When I know what the cause it , it goes away almost instantly. But it took me forever to do that.

I get almost like sharp pains in my chest, but it does go away. I think it's just all anxiety related cause that is something that can happen, and stress as well. I use to let my thoughts get away from me, but now I cut them off so quick. I can recongize it now, so i'm glad finally I have some control over this.

You are right, you wouldn't have anxiety unless there was a reason behind it all. Sometimes it takes awhile to pin point it, but once you do it's much easier.

You should post the stuff that bothers you, maybe I can help figure them out with you...

You will get though it , just gotta nail it in the behind, and then you'll notice the anxiety will be less. It does go around and around, Thats anxiety for ya.

I'm hear anytime

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[SeptemberMorn]

Thanks alot for all your support! I really appreciate it. Like I said before, I'll have to dredge up the courage and the patience to put down the stressors in written form. I know what's causing the anxiety but it would cause more to try and do something about it.

Did some relaxation exercises a bit ago and it sure helped. It was so tempting to just take a nap, though. But I went back outside and fed all the plants that needed it. I feel good about that. Now if I could get rid of the kid down the street, I'd be all set! LOL He sure makes it sound like home is hell right now. I feel sorta sorry for him.

Anyway! Thanks again. You'll be the first to know when I decide to write out my miseries.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Butterfly_Faerie]

<font color=purple> For me I find it easier to write, it is like purging to me, and I do feel better after it.

Avoiding the situation that causes the anxiety will only continue to give you grief, if you go into it knowing you can do it, no matter how crappy you feel you can succeed. I did. And that is the only way to really get rid of the anxiety, is the face it head on and know that it can't hurt you , and that you'll come out of it in one peice.

I can't wait to do some gardening but I gotta wait for the grass to be put in out back, likely do planter boxes, everyone says that gardening is so soothing, and I want to do it....

Breathing exercises help me as well, but when anxiety is really bad I just want to go to bed, but that doesn't solve the proble...

Take care... </font color=purple>

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[SeptemberMorn]

Well, I took a nap yesterday. It didn't solve the problem but I got rest from the turmoil going on inside of me. It came to me that it wasn't such a bad thing to take a nap. I was more relaxed when I woke up.

Ok... I'm going to make a list in the order in which it happened, of the things that are bothering me. For now, I don't need any response to them. It's just getting it written down.

1) On this very board, I got into it with my DIL. I had been posting about my concerns over her and my son's parenting style. I made the stupid mistake of emailing them a post I had made to begin trying to discuss the problem with them. I didn't know that when you do that, on the email there is an "invitation" to come to the board and of course, the URL is on the email. She actually JOINED as "Other Grandma" and defended herself as if she was her mother. I felt like my privacy had been violated when she posted. I know she was on the site several times checking up on what I was posting. I didn't behave properly when that happened.

About that time, her dog got run over and I posted that I was sad about it. She decided I was using HER dead dog to get sympathy. She can't believe that people on this board love me and I don't need to USE anything or any one to get it.

2) She gave me "orders" to not write about her and her family on a public board. You can tell I'm following her "orders." LOL

3) I explained my main concern to her about her lack of housekeeping skills, her neglect of her kids and explained that I had been that way, too, when I had my first child. I thought I had written the letter in a very understanding way, but I guess the truth hurt her and she took exception at which time, she wrote me and told me that from that day on, she didn't want me in her life or the kids life because her life is better without me. This is after I had gone to her house for once a week for several months to clean up the nasty mess she made my son and the kids live in. Her life is better without me?? Yeah, she doesn't have anyone telling her to clean up her act!

My son said it was just a small break we were taking from each other. This was in January. It's now the middle of May. I've seen my grandkids once since then at which time my granddaughter told me that her and her little brother had missed me a lot. I couldn't tell her that it wasn't by MY choice!

4) My husband was all gun hoe tearing out my kitchen about two months ago, but he's taking his sweet damn time doing any of the work. I've been without a stove and a sink for almost the whole time and he doesn't understand why it stresses me. We argue quite a bit because of it.

5) He also suffers from depression and gets pretty nasty when he's in a mood. He's been quite detached for a while and I'm getting resentful because I can't even talk to him.

He's having a caniption fit because I won't let him bring in my computer desk until I wallpaper two walls. He's had fits about it but when I mention my need for a kitchen sink he has another fit!

6) The young man that is coming over to get the work done drives me nuts at times because his mouth goes contantly. He's borderline retarded and can get quite emotional. Other than that, I think he's a great kid! I wish my kids had some of his strong convictions about life and family! He's really endeared himself to me, but he WON'T SHUT UP!! Even when I tell him I need some quite, he says okay and keep right on talking. It's funny but it drives me to distraction!!

7) My husband just recently bought a 1991 Mazda Miata. I don't know why, but I felt very, very resentful of him. I DO know why... because he can't take my scooter on that car if we use it to go out. We have to use the huge RV that only gets 8 miles to the gallon! That's part of it. I resent that I've lost part of my independence and mobility.

8) OH!! I forgot one very important issue!! About a month ago, I decided to give my son my old car that had sat in my driveway for 4 years. I knew that if I got it fixed it would give me nothing but problems. My son STILL is driving an old clunker that doesn't run half the time. His FIL claims to be a mechanic. I asked my son if his FIL could mickey mouse the car so my son could drive it into a dealership as a down payment for something better. After a fight with the FIL, we got him convinced of the simplicity of what was wrong with the car. It finally got fixed. Then I had to give my son the pink slip for it and he transffered ownership. This took about a week and his wife was bouncing off the walls because all of this hadn't been taken care of in one hour! My son told me that she was stressing saying that SHE would never get a new truck! I reminded my son that my car was a gift to HIM so HE could have something to drive to work. I made it abundantly clear that it was a MY personal gift to HIM, NOT to her!! Guess who's driving the new truck and guess who's still driving the rattle trap?!?!? USER *****!!!

9) My trust and faith in my son have been totally destroyed!

10) I didn't hear from him for Mother's Day.







<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[heatherm]

((((((((((((((Tomi))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry hun . I wish I was here for you more often than I have been lately.

I am so lucky to have your friendship, patience and understanding. Please remember that it is them and not you ok? I am so sorry.


Heather

[SeptemberMorn]

It's "them," Sweety, but knowing that doesn't stop the pain and frustration and wanting to change things.

Thanks a lot for not wanting to fix things by giving me advise. Don't think I'm ready for that.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[SeptemberMorn]

Ut oh! I woke up this morning wanting to throw my blankets over my head and hiding out... going back to sleep but then the thought of sleeping produced some anxiety. I could have closed my eyes and gone back to sleep without any effort, but as soon as I felt myself going, I'd pop my eyes back open and forced myself to stay awake.

One positive, though. Last night, I gritted my teeth and talked to my husband. I think we've reconnected. At least he's not walking around with an ugly look on his face and shooting me mean looks. We both talked about how we've been feeling lately. Just that seemed to help quite a bit.

So how come I'm still wanting to hide from the world?

PS Sundance my response to Heather yesterday doesn't mean that I don't want any responses to my woes. I would very much appreciate some validation. I just can't handle advice right now. I've tried everything I know how to do regarding my son. I just flat refuse to be the first one to call this time. I'm the one that always calls to apologize and get things going again when we "take a break." Not this time! It's time HE took some responsibility.






<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>