Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

I had a little anxiety today. I did not take anything though. I have not been to therapy in about two months. I do not know that it was necessarily helping me.

Today is worse than last night, I cannot calm down and I can't stop the terror attaching itself to any unwanted thought that comes into my head. I took my meds, I ate, I even drove to the ocean and stuck my feet in the water and sand and dammit nothing helps. I hate days like this----and my vehicle is acting up (again---& again) so I'm driving on a couple of cylinders and can't go to the mechanic again till next week ($)---I want to email my summer job (same as last year and I loved it) and beg off...I want to find a cheap vehicle and drive away and never return...just leave everything as is....I know camping and hiking helps but it isn't possible right now I just don't feel like I have the stamina for this anymore I am getting old and this &etal has dogged my life at every turn---and I don't want to bother my (fine grown thankfully) children because there isn't anything they can do, I feel isolated, can't think of a friend, can't think of anything, turn on youtube, netflix turn it off again, do the dishes, feed the cat, put out the garbage feel like screaming, no place to scream.....bought wine and ate a burger---I am not much of a drinker at all but I thought what the f# I have to do something & it is either eat my anxiolytics or have enough to drink that I am ok with just sitting staring at some stupid somethingorother......ranting....oh ****, not a good time....(& yesterday I had my glowing physical---healthy elder---screaming inside....dark thoughts....just want OUT.
Maybe ranting will help....maybe it will make me feel worse.....

Didn't sleep well last night. Have had a migraine starting the night before last.

Meeting with the kids and parents is tonight. My husband and I went through what we want to say. Hope this doesn't turn out to be a free-for-all. Four more hours...

Yeah my anxiety is up, and this headache ain't helping.

Woke up okay this morning. Took a nap after lunch and I woke up in a panic from a nightmare. I could feel my heart racing. I tried to get up to take some Propranolol but I was too frozen stiff so I just sat there for a little while and later took the Propranolol.

I had some anxiety tonight. But it wasn’t too bad this morning. My mood was down though. I got about 5 hours of sleep. That might have an impact on how I felt today in general.

I hate waking up to anxiety. I truly miss the Propanolol. Going to talk to psychiatrist office today to see if I can get in sooner and try something else that doesn't conflict with my other conditions. Oh, but wait! We dont exactly have insurance right now! Oh well, I think we do, but we don't have the cards and i dont know. Omg! Ok, breathe.

Meeting last night went well. I was so relieved. Now we wait for the changes to happen, or not. Daughter did find a new job; need to swing by after her cat has its recheck.

Woke up to a blistering headache. It's now down to a dull roar on my left temple. I also have a swelling under my chin. Went to urgent care; was told I might need an ultrasound so go to my PCM. There were no same-day appointments anywhere in the hospital so waiting on a telephone consultation that may or may not come today. Don't think it's urgent enough to warrant the ER but if it causes problems I'll have to go there. It went down a little with ibuprofen so I may have to do that. Cancelled PT for today so need to call back to pay a fee and reschedule.

So tired from lack of sleep and annoyed from this morning. Anxiety is tolerable.

All's well in my camp. Today was a good day

Oh gosh, what an improvement from mid-week. Yeah! I am so relieved and I can enjoy the good that has happened.

Appt made for Monday for my neck. Also our wedding anniversary is Monday. Not much I can do about it now. Ibuprofen works for the pain and takes down some of the swelling. Think I strained a muscle--it would seem weird if I wasn't already doing PT for my neck and back.
Thank goodness we didn't plan ahead because I was definitely not expecting this.

Kids are off somewhere. Not sure where but they're not here.

Anxiety is down for the moment.

Happy Anniversary!






My anxiety is still ever present. I think it's because my health is down a little and so that puts me on edge. There is one main trigger, but I just can't get around it. Ultimately, I just have to work on my coping and tolerance skills and/or just get that task done as quickly as possible. Sometimes I can't get it done right away, because of x,y, z, and so that's when I need to do the mental work/distract myself. Yes, distraction is good, but then I worry about that. ahh :P

My anxiety has been present since two days ago. Yesterday, I took my biology final exam and I took a klonopin because I was so anxious. Thankfully I passed the class.

A great improvement

After using ibuprofen for a couple of days it appears the "lump" is actually a strained muscle. Since the doctor would prescribe what I'm already doing at home, I cancelled that appointment.

For our anniversary we went out to a historical monument that we've been wanting to see for a while. It was kind of a disappointment but the weather was nice and we enjoyed being away from the cities. Took long drives to and from there only to find speeding semis on narrow country roads because of road closures and construction, and quite a few drivers who forgot they were not, in fact, racing in the Indy 500. Now waiting for an early dinner that will be good.

I have trauma T tomorrow, so we'll review grounding/calming techniques. Then finish cleaning up the house I'm sure.

Mood is pretty good despite the trip.

Anxiety attacks most of the weekend. Things are finally starting to settle down which is a blessing in itself. Still feeling some residual effects of it tho.

Dinner last night was great. Came home and watched a show before going to bed.

I still have trauma T this afternoon. Not sure what we're working on, though most likely what we started last week. I didn't sleep well because I was overheating so my mood is not the best. Nervous about this as well.

much better today then yesterday. I'm starting to feel like my normal self again

My day has been decent. I’m happy to report my anxiety was low today. I did not take a med for it today. I cooked dinner, watched some tv, folded a load of laundry, took a shower and swept my restroom floor.

Cleaned up the house and bought groceries for the week. So tired.

My husband wants to come up with a schedule for doing all the house projects. I can feel it triggering but I know he will get really upset if I push him this time. We'll do that after dinner.

Finding healthy recipes for two people has been interesting. I hope I'll have enough to offset not having lots of leftovers.

Anxiety is manageable for now.

My anxiety has been really bad today and is off the charts now that my daughter is finally headed home. Time for some breathing exercises and a Xanax.

****I’m sending you a cyber hug********

anxiety has lifted mostly. hopefully it stays that way. feels like any upswing in mood too...doesn't mean that things aren't a struggle though.

Didn't do house planning yesterday so doing it now. We did take down the garland and bows off of the railing and it looks bare already. Not sure how much more we're going to do before the kids move out.

Saw a guy trying to give away kittens in front of a pet store. Felt bad for the kittens.

Anxiety is okay today.

It’s kind of bad right now. I’m not sure why.

Got through T today. Kids and their friends are rallying for a friend who was academically dismissed. He can't go back to school until Fall and he has a bunch of things to do before them. His parents are controlling (so he says) so they'll probably flip over this one. We are not taking him in--no more room at this point--so hopefully he'll have a place to go and some sort of transportation before the dad takes the car and roof over his head.

Not my problem, I need to remind myself (and T reminds me too). It's hard though because I care for these people. My heart breaks for them.

Anxiety is up so I'm trying to calm down a bit.