Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

Had my routine doctors appointment today which went well. But despite that, I always come away with my mind racing and going over everything, feeling absolutely awful. It's subsiding now, but even positive things do my head in! Oh, well...

I was on the phone and e-mailing most of today. Then I sat on the sofa completely still and I actually had racing thoughts. Thoughts of what should I do next. I was just freaking out in my mind. The assistant manager is a b*****. She e-mailed me back and told me to use my renters insurance to cover my damages. 1. This situation was not caused by a natural disaster or act of God. 2. This situation was not caused by a malfunctioning appliance in my unit. 3. This situation was caused by a malfunctioning appliance of the tenant above me and her insurance policy needs to cover my damages. The assistant manager in her e-mail said she had never had anything like this happen. The manager is on vacation until Monday. I do not understand why she would tell me to use my policy when she clearly knows the leak started on the third floor. I have trust issues. I’m calling the NAACP tomorrow.

My daughter is out driving and practicing parallel parking. She's doing okay for a start, but it still worries me. I know she's a cautious driver, but most people around here aren't. That is what worries me.

I don't feel good right now. Lots of anxiety. Feel my heart pumping. Have to make some important decisions soon. Financial difficult times ahead. Lots of frustration and anger to manage. Lots of nostalgia lately. These few months have not been very good on me. There's still so much to do to get better. It gives me lots of anxiety and panic.

My daughter is becoming distant again. I kind of expect it, but still wonder if we said something wrong. Usually when this happens she doesn't want us to find something out. Oh well.

Still struggling with the driving thing. She needs to practice but she doesn't. She can't afford to fail.

I hope things get better with your daughter. I called my 20 year old earlier and she said her mood was low. That she was going to take a nap. She starts a new job on Monday so I hope she can pull it together by then. My fingers are crossed.

Well I just made it back. I had an appt in the next county. Then I thought my 12 year old had an appt. We went only to find out it’s next week. We stopped and picked up chicken teriyaki while in the other county. There’s a store that has the best. I ate a little then walked my dog. I’m feeling much better today. I’ve been so stressed. First I was trying to find a GRE prep course. I called all the surrounding counties and no community college, tech school or college offers one. In Tennessee this was offered. Then my apartment was flooded by my upstairs neighbors washing machine. My carpet has been shampooed. Maintenance started repairing my ceiling. The school I planned on attended. I have a contact person in student services. On Tuesday I called her and left a message for her to call me back. Then yesterday I decided to send her an e-mail. I told her I was looking for a GRE prep course. I’ve been out of school for over the years. I need a great score. Hopefully next week things will get better. My primary care doctor’s office did not call me back either. Whatever happen to people being professionals.

I didn’t want to go to the store. I thought it would be crowded. I then realized it was Friday and not Saturday. I had no anxiety the rest of the day, and I did get to the store. It wasn’t very crowded.

More of the same today. My anxiety is going through the roof.

I couldn't sleep last night, so I felt like a zombie all day

I’ve had a good day. Plus on Friday I did receive a call back from my doctor’s office. I took a nap and my adult daughter came by to visit. I can tell she’s dealing with depression again.

My daughter says she's more confident with the parallel parking bit so I'm trying to not still freak out. She's filling out forms and going over the employee management web site. She starts training next week.

I was sick this weekend so I took today to catch up on house cleaning. Finally got the sweeping done and put away the dishes. Between that and physical therapy I'm a sweaty mess. Still have to clean the bathroom before the contractor shows up tomorrow.

So much to do but I'm tired. My husband was exhausted from the heat and is taking a nap. I would take one too but my daughter is going over stuff with me and I have to feed the cats and make dinner shortly.

Amazing sleep of 16 hours in the last 24. Amazing what sudden relief of stress and worries will do. I must have been exhausted. I got past the worst of my anxiety and put the triggers behind me. Of course none of the disasters I had fretted about happened. I can relax now - for the time being.

I had an energy drink, and an iced coffee less then an hour apart. The anxiety wasn’t really there this morning. Even with all that caffeine. It was kind of bad tonight. I read something disturbing, and then google imaged it. I don’t know why I do that kind of stuff. I ended up taking an Ativan around 7. Dr. Would flip a switch if he found out I drink loads of caffeine and then take a benzo to calm my anxiety. Would this be considered abusing the drug?

I’m pretty sure I just have prevacation blues. Just a couple more weeks.

Peeking - I am off to a job fair later this morning.

Daughter is taking her driver's test now. I'm not there because I'd make her more nervous than she already is.

Hoping and praying....
Anxious as heck.

ETA: She failed the parallel parking part, so she'll have to retest in two days. Crap...

It was bad today. I wonder if I forgot to take my geodon. I took an Ativan and it’s still through the roof. Weird.

Not as anxious as usual today, not sure why but I'll take it.

I'm full of anxiety today...

Whew! I did it I got through it! Yesterday I attended an exhausting day at a job fair. Just being there was a win against Anxiety. I shook though the entire time and was near dying inside. But I made it through the screening and found myself in a first and second interview! Whew! Sigh. I did it!

Now is a waiting game which I am aready nervous about. It is a wait for a call back to a final interview. Gosh this is going to be hard but I am through the worst of it. I suppose if it doesn't work out I should be happy that I got as far along as I did - and this was a major battle won in the constant anxiety.

Not two days, but two weeks. So my husband is taking her to and from training for the job until she does remedial work and does the retest. I've had to cancel my PT appointments so he has time to rest between commuting across town. I don't know how much more we can do for her, but our lives are wearing thin. We just want peace and rest from all this drama.

She's been out all day, so don't know what she's doing.

I had some yogurt and had a stomach ache. It was probably bad even it hadn't expired.

Just anxious and tired.

Higher up people were coming to work. So management was acting kinda weird. It was just difficult my last 5 minutes at work. The rest of the day wasn’t too bad. I wanted to take an Ativan but I’m trying not to tonight.

Had to change my ENT appointment because it's the day of my daughter's move. Now I won't see him for another month.

I don't if she knows how much we're sacrificing to get her going. She knows money wise, but not in time and our health. She's doing her online work but that was useless because it's stuff she passed.

Trying to stay calm, still.

Had multiple panic attacks today. Can someone make them stop?

Another Win!

Our travel agent called to inform us one segment of our flights home was cancelled resulting in an 8hr layover at best. Hubby was in a flap but I was able to take it in stride. It was the route home that was up in the air; the holiday is unaffected. Yay! I didn't freak out. I managed to maintain my cool. Score!