[Trippin2.0]

I was doing GREAT, feeling ontop of the friggin world, feeling like ME for the 1st time in 3 weeks, then this stupid woman had to go and state on FACEBOOK FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE THAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MY BROTHER'S 42nd BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!

IS SHE TRYING TO GO OUT OF HER WAY TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD???
WHY CAN'T ANYONE JUST LET ME BE????

I was so scared that I'd be all emo tomorrow, that I blocked out that very obvious fact. My brother's gone, he's not coming back EVER, I know this,I don't want to be sad over something I cannot change!!!
I don't want my hyperactive,happiness to end EVER!!!

I'm relatively sad, but way too ANGRY at that idiot! Has she ZERO INTELLIGENCE???? HELLO... ALL OUR SIBLINGS AND COUSINS ARE FB FRIENDS, MUST SHE BE SO FRICKEN INSENSITIVE???

I was sO looking forward to enjoying this weekend, like REAL ENJOYMENT, not the kind I have to escape, or the fake enjoyment to be "acceptable" real frickn fun, that I havn't had in WEEKS!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT NOW????

I HATE HER! HATE HER! HATE HER!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[pegasus]

Maybe you could send her a nice message to gently point out her total insensitivity.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Maybe you could send her a nice message to gently point out her total insensitivity.

I'm a confusing, complex ball of unravelling emotions right now. In essence I feel good about me, for hte 1st time in weeks, but I'm also extremely aggressive. I'm sad, agitated, anxious and irritated all at once...

I wish I could just choose 1 emotion at a time. If I confront her, I know I'll say something completely out of line, rude, even threatening, and I don't want to do that. She's going through her own grieving process (his gf) but for some reason that logic and reasoning doesn't feed into my emotions or reactions right now...

I'm so confused and SO tired, yet I still can't sit still...
Why's this happening to ME? what did I do wrong???

[pegasus]

((((((( Trippin ))))))))) You haven't done anything wrong. Youv'e been triggered by someone elses insensitivity. Take a deep breath and know that this too shall pass.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm trying, REALLY TRYING!! But I'm struggling to breath, I can't stop crying, and I SWEAR, NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME RIGHT NOW...I hate being so isolated, I just want to hurt someone, and not me this time...everytime I feel like this, or similar to this, and there's no escape, I end up cutting, no matter how many times I promise I won;t do it again, I don't even remember how the last cutting session happened.

why do people's idiotic behavior, and stupid words affect me so?
i wish I could go back to how I was feeling this morning, I'd give anything...

I'm sorry to offload ona perfect stranger, but I have nobody

[pegasus]

It's fine to offload, that's what we are all here for. Much better to put it into words.

Sorry you are having such an awful day, you don't deserve to feel this bad.

[Trippin2.0]

It's really sad, that I have a huge family, and apparently quite a few friends, yet perfect strangers are the only ones who understand what I go through.

I jis wish it would end, I'm so tired...
don't know how much u know about me, but I havnt' been dxd with anything, 1st appt is next friday, my point is, i was bored and reading everything and anything to keep busy, then 4 some reason I took this bloody quizz which says it's highly likely that I suffer from BPD...My social worker thinks I'm BP, the computer thinks I'm BP+BPD, and now that stupid woman I just want to hurt HARD. It's too MUCH!!!

I know I shouldn't take people's concerns and online tests seriously, but now I'm scared the pdoc is gonna tell me things I'm not ready to handle...
maybe I should cancel, I've been struggling so long, I'm used to it. PLUS Ignorance is bliss...
I jis wanna dig a hole

[pegasus]

A lot of us understand here because we have been through similar experiences.

I'm glad you have an appointment on Friday, try not to worry about that, it could be the beginning of you starting to feel better.

No hole digging k?

[Trippin2.0]

No hole digging k?

I promise to try...can't really afford to, can't take my daughter down there with me

[pegasus]

Don't cancel the appointment, it could be the road to wellness. Hang in there, sounds like you have been through a lot.

[Trippin2.0]

2 much! My life has been 1 helleva emotional rollercoaster ride for as long as I can remember, and this last year, was just the cherry on the cake. I've jis had enough.
It's like whatever happens, it's worse, bigger, deeper than the last. That's the main reason I get suicidal (not wanting to know what's next). I know I should keep my appt. but it's really hard right now cos ontop of all the things I described feeling above, add fear to it now...

this is spiralling out of control, plus I havn't slept for mor than 3 hours in like 2 weeks, and I think somehow that is adding to all THIS...

I'm SO SORRY I don't know if I'm making much sense, my thoughts are like a fricken pingpong ball ina rubber room right now...

How do u make it go away? all these FEELINGS???? I prayed so hard this wasn't gonna happen again for along time, but just my luck hey...

[pegasus]

Ah, lack of sleep can do major things to how you are feeling. If you can get a decent sleep then you'll be able to cope much better with whatever life throws at you.

Any chance of you getting to see a Doctor today to get some medication to help you sleep?

[Trippin2.0]

I have some sleeping tabs at home, but I don't know if I can take them. I'm only gonna get home at 10pm coz I have to stay for a late meeting (Ugh) which means, I will probly miss my alarm tomorrow, or with my luck, take ample pills and sleep tomorrow away. I can't miss anymore work, as much as I hate my job. I've nearly exhausted my sick leave as it is. and these people already think I'm crazy or high (keep sending me 4 "random" drug test)

Thanks for the advice, but now that I think about it, sleep will have to wait till friday night/saturday morning... it's not like I'm actually tired. That went away last night...I'm actually extremely energized, despite my lack of sleep. (another thing nobody understands,including me...)

I'll just have to find some other solution...

[pegasus]

I totally understand about work commitments. I hope you can get some rest at some point.

Hang in there for your daughter, if not for yourself. She needs you.

[Trippin2.0]

She's been the thread taht holds my pieces together since her arrival 6yrs ago...literally my life-saver, so don't worry about her. (she's also the reason I made the appt. I scared her with my last "crash", and thought I need answers so I can atleast xplain it to her)

Thanks sO much pegasus, this day would have completely downward spiralled without you. You brought some perspective, something I often lose sight of when emotionally overwhelmed... thank you

[pegasus]

You are very welcome (((((((( Trippin )))))))) Totally understand and anytime you need to vent, I'm usually around.

[grizmom]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time!! It sounds like you have a lot going on and I hope that the doctor will have some answers for you and will be able to get you started on some meds...and that they work for you! Take good care of yourself and post as often as you need!

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by grizmom

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time!! It sounds like you have a lot going on and I hope that the doctor will have some answers for you and will be able to get you started on some meds...and that they work for you! Take good care of yourself and post as often as you need!

Thanks...I think the anger is subsiding now, which is a relief. The other's I'll just have to ride out...

You guys are absolutely amazing, thanks sO much

[kadesgirl09]

(((Trippin))) so sorry for your loss and for the insensitivity of his gf. Stay strong and know your not alone!

[Moreta]

'stab your facebook' - MGMT, Flash Delerium

Facebook is evil. I do enjoy how you can block people entirely from even knowing you exist.

why do people's idiotic behavior, and stupid words affect me so?

a.) Your probably smarter than them, b.) You can't understand why they are a retard, and c.) You see them do the same thing over and over even though it is wrong.

This has been the topic in my therapy sessions for about 3 months now. I've been having a lot of problems controlling my rage towards people....and probably why I have to get 2 crowns, since I've been grinding my teeth so much.

Hang in there and know that you are not alone.

[Yoshi]

Trippin, I'm so sorry, I've went there the same thing.
It's hard when someone brings up something from the past, that you would like to keep in the past.
Maybe she did it on purpose, maybe not.
If you dont mind me asking, do you know the person that brought it up?

[Trippin2.0]

I've never met her in person, she was his gf,and I thought we got to know eachother a little online...
She knows that I was an emotional disaster after my brother's death, (that's an understatement, I was actually suicidal) and that my dad passed on soon after...

I don't know what her story is...

I'm just glad the rage is gone, my mood shifted back to "normal" late last night as suddenly as I was enveloped by the rage I felt yesterday...

I just hope I can get through today with minimal drama

To everyone who responded to this post: Thanks for your kind words, perspective and understanding, to everyone who it might have affected ina negative manner, my apologies, it was not my intention to upset you.

I hope everybody has a blessed day

[WendyAussie]

Sweety, grief just sucks. My Mum died two and a half years ago and I've found that grief is not a linear process that just plods along at a certain pace and I can get from HERE to THERE with certainty. Grief can be triggered, or seemingly not even triggered at all, then it just comes blindingly at you from the side.

If other people are also bumbling through their grief, they may unwhittingly trigger your grief, which may have been just under the surface ready to be set off.

The loss of a sibling is a HUGE thing. It's cool that your emotions are all over the place - these are intense experiences that our systems are dealing with. And we don't always take the steps which in retrospect, we would have preferred, so maybe hold off on speaking to the woman who posted, for a time when you can frame your grief in a way you'll be more happy with.

But keep coming here and venting, talking, expressing - just keep coming!!