How I Feel Today. . . Open to all.

Needed a break! I am not a lawyer but I find myself playing one in real life to get my son back from my evil sister ( I can call her that here w/o repercussions); The presumption is innocence unless proven guilty- well here in NH you are guilty of being a bad parent if another person says so until you prove yourself innocent! Hearing in one week; trial in 3- total overload- anxiety is up so it is hard to concentrate and get my thoughts in rational order; need to be clearheaded so can't take meds to lower anxiety! Catch 22- refers to so many things! I know My husband and I will never stop fighting to get our son back, but sometimes i get so overwhelmed learning what I can do to this end! they quote the length of time he has been away- but it was the court that delayed this time frame! OK enough whining have to get back to work- they want proof I will bury them in it!

Today I feel simply tired! It is hard for me to keep my eyes open. It might be because I only slept 6 hours last night, which I'm not used to (more like 10 hours! ) I guess I'll need to get a good night's sleep tonight!

Feeling very depressed. Home comp on last legs. Replacement with software very expensive. So afraid of being cut off from my support team I put new one on card. Can't bring myself to open it. Scared about being able to make payments. Trying to decide if I should just take it back. Angry with self about getting so depressed about being afraid of being offline. Disappointed with myself about not being able to effectively comfort myself through distress. My Significant Other feels like he is useless because he can't make me feel better. I feel guilty about that too.

Welcome, LittleBird!
Hey BlackPup, hear you. Sometimes I have to *not* get on the computer to get things done. Sometimes it's *all* I can get done. That's ok though! See you when you pop in again! Have fun!
PT52, those darn things *always* decide to run out of battery at 3 am! How do they do that?!
Today, I'm off to a slow start. Probably got a little *too* much sleep in the past 24 (17 in two parts). Have a list though and will be taking a shower and getting dressed to kick it off. Can never manage to get diddly done in the PJs. Oh. And shoes. Must wear shoes.

Hope you feel less anxious today ((((((((((thinker))))))))))))

Welcome ((((LittleBird))))) I'm sorry you're depressed right now and I really hope it helps you to spend some time here.

That's great you had a good day yesterday and went on a nice walk with your doggie (((((((roxiesmom)))))) I love your avatar! I just read in another thread that they are all your dogs, past and present! They are adorable!

Hope you're feeling less tired today (((((2plus4))))

Really glad you haven't had any rebounds ((((((BlackPup)))))) I so know what you mean about the computer making productivity difficult! You have a lot of self-restraint to be able to set limits for yourself!!! I need to do that too!

Hi (((((((PT)))))))) Sorry about the smoke alarm going off and waking you up early!! I had a similar experience with being woken up by a beeping sound!! It wasn't a smoke alarm but a big truck somewhere on our road. The beeping sound was when it was reversing, and for some reason the beeping went on and on. Very annoying!!! Anyhow, I'm glad that you feel the depression is more manageable today and I really hope you have a relaxing day!

Hi (((((fearfulfrog))))) I'm so sorry for the stress you're going through

Hi ((((((Melissa))))) Hope you're able to get back to your usual 10 hours of sleep tonight!! That sounds like bliss!!!!!!!

Welcome ((((((PitchBlack))))) I'm sorry you're feeling so depressed. I think many of us are VERY reliant on the internet in one way or another, especially if we belong to a supportive online community and rely on that support. So try not to be so hard on yourself for feeling anxious at the prospect of being offline. I know I am extremely addicted to being online and it would be enormously difficult for me to "go without". I really hope there is a way to make the payments on the new comp so that you can stay connected.

Have a good day ((((Innerzone))))

I'm not sure how I feel at the moment. I'm having lots of feelings. My old faithful companion anxiety is for sure making it's presence known, but that's a given!! I probably need to write a blog or something to try and make sense of some of the other feelings I'm having. On the other hand, sometimes it's more helpful to distract myself from how I'm feeling so perhaps I should try and keep doing that. I don't know. I just know I feel restless and antsy and OCD and blah.

I increased my anti-depressant again this morning because I'm so frustrated with being stuck in this unstable state of mind. So far, each time I've tried to increase my AD it's made me feel worse and I've ended up dropping back down to the original dose after a couple of days. This time I'm going to try and ride it out. I have to see whether the higher dose will help if I'm able to give it more time. If it doesn't help, then at least I'll know I've given this medication a fair crack of the whip and it's time to try something else.

Hugs to all

Hi PitchBlack, welcome to the BP crowd. Would like to toss in some practical suggestions that might help alleviate your depression and guilt some. First, have you had someone look at your computer? I have a neighbor who works out of his home and fixes them pretty cheap. Or even find a rebuilt one - the same kind of people usually have them for sale. You might even be able to rent one for a while. Then you will know if you should take the new one back. You say you're "afraid to open it." Do you mean the new computer or your credit card bill? If it's your credit card bill, bite the bullet and open it. It's not going to go away even if you ignore it. Try to look at it in terms of affordability, and if you really can't afford it, decide if it's worth the stress to have a new computer.

And for your significant other, try to find something he can do to help. I'm currently unemployed because of a narrow-minded employer, and my husband is frustrated because he can't snap his fingers and make a job magically appear and because he not only can't fix my phases (depression in particular), he tends to attribute it to stress in our relationship. So I try to think of things he can do to help. Order a pizza when I can't bring myself to cook, wash my car, exercise the dogs, and he takes it upon himself to help out with the housework (when he's not frustrated that he can't "fix" me ). Sorry this is so long, and hope it helps!

You want to know something really funny, sundog? A few years ago, the house across the street from us burned down and I didn't hear anything! Not sirens, not anything -I slept through it all!

Hehe! That is pretty amazing!!!

Innerzone glad you got to see your son. It must be very difficult not seeing him that often.

Seaswept glad you are feeling better today. I'm also glad you feel comfortable in this forum. The people here are great for sharing, listening, and supporting.

thinker I'm sorry anxiety is rearing it's ugly head. I know how badly that can effect one's day. I hope it settles down for you and you can feel better.

LittleBird welcome!!! I am sorry you are feeling depressed. I hope your mood improves soon.

Roxiesmom it sounds like you you had a nice peaceful day. I'm glad it went well for you. I hope you were able to truly enjoy it.

BlackPup glad things are going good. I hope the week is very productive for you. Look forward to seeing you this weekend.

PT52 that sucks about the smoke alarm waking you. Glad the depression is a little more bearable for you. Sending good vibes your way and hoping for an increase in a better mood for you.

fearfulfrog sorry things are so overwhelming for you right now. Do take some time out just to breathe. Crossing my fingures and hoping all goes well for you.

Melissa hoping you get a better night sleep.

Pitchblack sorry you are depressed. I can understand not wanting to be cut off from the computer. I have come to rely on PC to associate with kind and understanding people. It makes a difference in my day. I hope you are able to keep your computer.

Sundog sorry things are not going so well. I hope the increase in your AD will help. You deserve some relief.


Wow, there is getting to be so many people on this thread. I don't know how much longer I can keep up with everybody. I am glad to see so many making use of it though. It is so nice to share our feelings daily if need be. I really feel connected to the more regulars. Thanks for so many of you sharing and supporting each other.

Today I'm feeling a bit of mixed emotions. Anxiety has been lingering around just enough to keep me edgy. Feeling somewhat restless even though I have been pretty preoccupied today. I'm feeling somewhat stressed because my husband went out job hunting today. I'm just afraid he won't find anything. His main skills are in construction and nothing is hiring in that field. So it means he has to find some sort of stocker job somewhere or cook and he just really don't have the experience. So my hopes aren't up real high. Probably in the end I will have to pick up another job and I don't know how well I can handle it. I'll I can do is keep my fingures crossed and hope for the best. I guess it is kinda depressing me thinking about all this stuff. Scared to death we will wind up homeless.

Had a good day today. Got a lot accomplished at work. Obsessed fan that I am, I can only say that the premier episode season 7 of House is on tonight! I'm thrilled. I get few pleasures in life. That's one of them.

Well done Vjdragonfly !! I don't know how you can keep up with everyone. Be careful that you don't over stretch yourself. I hope you are doing okay?

I was quite relaxed and contented before I got up this morning. I am not someone who normally stays in bed long after I wake up. At the moment, I stay in bed as long as I can. Once I get up, the anxiety kicks in. I busy myself with coffee, breakfast, taking my tablets, getting the computer stoked up, and maybe a game or two of Scrabble on Facebook. Keeping distracted is my way of riding through the anxiety. I often busy myself on the computer for much of the morning.

I feel a little anxious today but not as bad as I have been.

yay for everyone who a good day
hugs for everyone who didn't

me: tired and depressed and sucked emotionally dry by a husband who doesn't know what an FDB he is..

((((((((((vj))))))))))))) Sorry you are stressing. I really hope your husband has some success on his search. Wishing you all the very best

(((((((((thinker)))))))) It's great you had a good day! Hope you enjoyed House!

(((((((Clive)))))))) Glad to hear you had some relaxed feelings today! I agree that distraction can be very helpful for keeping anxiety at bay.

((((((((((((PT)))))))))))))) Really sorry you're depressed and having issues with your hub. Can I ask what an FDB is????? Really hope things improve

I feel depressed today also. I actually prefer feeling depressed to feeling anxious. Obviously feeling depressed sucks too, but it's almost a relief to feel apathetic after so much antsy-ness and feeling like I'm jumping out of my skin. It's still dysfunctional though and I'm tired of it!!!

(((((((Hugs to all)))))))))))

thinker glad you had a great day. It is nice when we can get things accomplished. I also watched house last night.

Clive sorry you are having such difficulty with your anxiety. I am glad you are able to distract yourself though. I can relate to the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed and start the day. I fight with anxiety when I am up too early.

PT52 lol the FDB strikes again. Sorry you are so down . Hope your mood improves soon.

Sundog FDB is effin douche bag. Sorry you are also feeling down . I'm glad your anxiety is at bay. Hopefully things will level out for you soon.

I'm feeling pretty good today. We got some more applications out. Hopefully we will hear back from someone soon. I'm scared to death my husband won't find a job. All his experience is in construction and there is nothing going on in construction. Other then that everything is well. I have no complaints today. Sending good vibes to everyone.

A little off topic, but Sundog, is that a picture of a dog in a seal costume or is that a dog wrapped up in a towel? I mean your icon picture.

I wasn't as anxious this morning. Managed to get myself out of bed by 9:30. Playing video games today. Have 2 appts tomorrow. One with my new pdoc. It's a woman, not that it matters, my last 2 were also (I've just heard that there are more male pdocs than females). Other is T. We're going to talk about my likely eating disorder. Not fun, but necessary. I hope everyone's having a decent day so far.

I'm not really sure how I feel. Kinda hypo, but stable. I go through this once in a while. I am okay, but I can feel it knocking. It's been getting better, I suppose. The good news is that I haven't been depressed. I know this sounds odd, but I think I would rather be a little depressed than manic. I have had a taste in the last month or so of what life is like not to be manic, and I would like to keep it that way. It's nice to be "normal" for a change. So, today, I guess I am in between. Sorta fuschia, I suppose

Haha!!! Thank you for explaining that!! It made me laugh!!!! (not because PT said that about her hub - I'm sorry about that! Just, finding out what it meant made me laugh!!!)

PS: Glad you're feeling good today!!

LOL!! I believe it's a dog wrapped in a towel!! I found the pic online and thought it was funny and it kind of sums up how I feel (crazy!!)

Glad you weren't so anxious today! Good luck at your appointments!!

sundog - FDB is the acronym for f'n douche bag (no offense intended!)

Thanks, PT! I hadn't heard that one before!!!

Right now? Over-full. Blergh! Ate a lunch/early dinner. Good. Then also had made a batch of the most filling cookies in the universe (only make them once a year... for obvious reasons... ) Should've had one. Had three. BF was incredulous. He knows I can eat a lot, but this was just beyond.

Been a bit on the down side lately, mostly mildly though. Was no-reason panicky earlier this afternoon. Always frustrating, but able to quell it with some Xanax. It seems to go hand in hand with being on the down side. Still managed to get some things done around the house. Am also happy to report that I had NO "adult beverages" today. Not a big issue, but doesn't help anything. Still, been trying to work on that. Work in progress.

(sundog -- that avatar is adorable and hilarious!)

Not sure how I feel today. I had a bit of a restless night and got up quite early (for me). I feel a bit blah, if that makes sense. Anxiety is not as bad as it can be. If I get up soon after waking, I seem to avoid the worst of the anxiety. I can't say I understand that.

I have found a good distraction that helps me. If I concentrate on playing Scrabble on Facebook, I feel a lot better. Unfortunately it has been up and down for maintenance for a couple of days. This tended to add to my stress.

Today was forecast to be the one really good weather day of the week. It has turned out to be a bit drizzly. Hopefully it will brighten up later.

{{{hugs}}} to anyone who needs some...

Today, I feel exhausted. I can't get my brain to shut off for a while. My daughter over slept for school and I had to get up and drive her, I needed to stay in bed a bit longer.

thinker I wondered the same thing lol. Glad your day went well. I hope your appts are beneficial.

Mady sorry you are teetering that between hypo and normal. Hopefully it will pass and everything will be just normal.

Innerzone sorry your not feeling that great. I hope your mood improves soon.

Clive sorry you are feeling blah. I know that feeling all to well. Hoping things get better for you and you can have some good days.

Eileen sorry you had a rough morning. I know the feeling of needing that little bit extra sleep. It can make the difference in the type of day I have.


I'm feeling a little restless today. I actually got up and washed the linen and made beds . . . wow. I hate that task so bad, but it is done, yeah!!! I'm trying to keep myself occupied so I don't get so anxious, but I don't know what to do with my time. I'm really not up to any more chores. I just need something to occupy my mind. Oh well, I guess that is part of life. I just feel like I'm going crazy when I'm just sitting around. So much I can do, but I just feel like eh, when it comes to doing it. (Sigh) I can only stay on here for so long. I wish I could write better so I could offer more support and advice. I just can't ever find the right words.

Hi everyone!

(((((Innerzone))))) Those cookies sound too good!!!!! And well done for forgoing the "adult beverages". Wishing you well!

((((((Clive))))))) Glad the anxiety is not so bad today and glad that you have another distraction. The internet is a lifesaver!!!!

((((((((Eileen)))))) Really sorry you feel exhausted today. I hope you can catch up on some sleep tonight.

(((((((((VJ))))))))))) Well done for changing all the sheets!!! It will be very pleasant going to bed tonight! Sorry you are feeling restless. Do you find that the computer helps distract you? I do find the computer very helpful as a means of distraction (I actually get too distracted!!!) You mentioned though that you can't stay on here too long, so perhaps that isn't an option, but I was just wondering. At any rate, I'm sending you big hugs! Also, I think you always find the right words!

I feel better today. No idea why. But I have a lot more energy and I don't feel sick or ill. I am sad because I'm taking my Mom to the airport later and I will miss her a lot. But it feels like a "normal" kind of sad. I mean, it makes total sense that I feel sad about saying goodbye to my Mom, whereas so often I have these free-floating very strong (negative) emotions that I don't understand. My Mom has been visiting for 6 weeks and she is flying home today. I really love my Mom and I only see her once a year when she comes out here. I am sad to say that one of my biggest phobias is flying....It's a long flight to get to where she lives (I am from the UK originally and that's where my Mom lives) and I haven't been able to do it in over two years......This is a huge source of guilt for me. Luckily she comes here once a year for 6 weeks.....Even just going to the airport makes me nervous. I really, really, really, really need to find a way round this. I used to be able to fly. I hated it, but I could do it. Then when my anxiety stuff really escalated it just became impossible.....

Sorry to write so much. Hugs to all!!!