How I Feel Today. . . Open to all.

I am okay-ish today. I am not sure whether it is due to not being on vacation or being back in a cold climate or just being back alone. Maybe some of all three.

I think I set my heating timings wrongly and my bedroom has been like an oven. I have made some changes and i hope that fixes it.

I lowered my seroquel to 100mg before my vacation and I have stayed with it ever since. Guess what? My sleep is fine. I think I will stay with that dosage unless I get any problems. I didn't take my fish oil supplement or multivitamins on vacation and I can't say I noticed. My diet is a lot better than it was but maybe not on vacation.

I had been blaming my anxiety on seroquel. I am now wondering if it more to do with social isolation and such. Who knows?

Clive I'm sorry you not feeling as good as you been. Being isolated can be what is effecting you. It can hard to get out at times. Still hoping you get the volunteer job. Maybe that will help you out some. It will give you a chance to be out and interact with other people.


Me, I just hanging in there. Just trying to make it through the day. My life is just sooo exciting. . . not. I think I'm starting to go crazy (perhaps I'm already there). No, I'm not crazy, just the rest of the world is. HA

Thanks vjdragonfly. Keep hanging in there !! I am okay even though I am up at near 4am. One of the results of lowering my seroquel. Now I have realized my anxiety is partly related to social isolation, I need to work out whether the higher dosage makes things worse?? It might be hard to work that out. I guess I might find out if the volunteering comes to fruition.

i feel ok. it's been a couple of weeks since this latest bout of anxiety hit.

Awww, vj, my life's not exciting either (well, yes, atm, but not at all in a good way!!!), but hanging out together we could at least watch some funny DVDs!

You know Clive, I think you're onto something interesting there with the anxiety and social isolation factor.

Me. Hmm. Well. Ridiculous boatloads of random anxiety (and attendant medication. I try to ride out as much as I can, but damn...) Well... random but for the ones that occur every morning waking me up before intended time. Bleh. Other than that, things are plugging along in a pretty normal way despite circumstances. It's almost like an on/off switch-- times of being just logical and accepting that it is what it is, and we'll do what we can... to sheer OMG! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! with all the attendant Future Fears. Ok. Need to not think about that. Freaking out now. (Will spare you Though Process of the Moment...)

You know, that's the weird thing, really. Unprecedented fear and unknown comes along, and there ya are making an eggy muffin thing. Or going to work. Knowing that small actions each day are leading up for better or worse to the great unknown.

Like this afternoon. Had to go in to work. Could NOT calm down. Felt like exploding in tears (very rare anymore, but that's another deal-- it's more an inner howl). I've just never been in a situation remotely like this and feel like I can't talk about it without judgement from so many angles. (Like... all at once!) It's hard enough, and I've come to the conclusion that there is no positive in talking (except a bit here). Funny to even think that really, as I talk to almost no one(!)--seriously, like, 1 person (haha, so what's the deal, right?)

Mostly better than might be imagined though. (Still, glad my P-nurse knows I've hit stress-central and had said to call if needed. Knowing that does help somewhat...)

If I just stay up long enough, can I avoid the morning panic wake up? No, really. Can I?

Innerzone- BF needs a lawyer that watches Law and Order- "not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect"- he goes to a locked ward for a week or two then home with a treatment plan!

I am doing pretty good today- got the court ruling- we have to go for family counseling but with the aim of getting our son back full-time! WE WON!

A little anxious about my hubby's foot though- had MRI Monday PM ( late) MD called us early Tuesday morning- we need to see an orthopedist; have the appointment tomorrow, we are hoping that no surgery is needed- he doesn't have that much sick time and with the economy it will be tough for me to find a job ( can I blog for a living?).

Everyone hang in there- God doesn't give us more than we can handle! ( it is just tough to find out HOW to handle it all!)

Clive thanks, I will keep hanging in there that is all I can do. 4 am, that is awful early to be awake. It would drive me insane to be up that early. I'm glad you are doing ok though. I hope you can figure all your meds out.

roy glad you are feeling ok and the anxiety has left you alone for a couple of weeks. YEA!!!

Innerzone thanks for your kind words. I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I wish there was a way I could calm all your fears. Just remember to take one moment at a time and when things are bad in your mind just breathe. I am routing for you and hope all goes well in the end.

frog YEA!!!! I am so glad to hear you won. That is great news. Keeping my fingers crossed that your husband will not need surgery. Sending healing vibes his way.

Doing ok as can be today. Forcing myself to get some things done even though I really don't want to. Could be doing better, but ok is better then other alternatives. Still hanging in there - it is what I do best.

I'm totally burned out on school. TOTALLY. Four more months and this will all be finished, one way or another, but I'm having a hard time hanging in there in the meantime.

Mood is okay, perhaps a little down, but that could be situational. I bet I'd feel a lot better if it weren't for school squashing me like a bug.

I should get back to homework and studying.

Hi all,

I am okay today. Woke early again but I had turned in early last evening. Took extra Seroquel and I am a little drowsy. Wondering whether to revert to the 200mg at night. Sleep is so important.

Is it just me, or is the universe slowly collapsing in on me, inching ever closer to my impending doom?? Yes, deep, black helplessness smothers my soul, crushing any hope of escape. It's hopeless. I will never succeed. All that awaits me is misery and failure...

That's how I feel right now. Thanks a lot, anxiety.

I'm not doin too good at the moment! I fear i may break down any time! I feel like a time bomb! Need some help seriously! Am really worried

Back on the higher dosage of Seroquel . Did not sleep much better but not as worried about it!! Laid in bed a while but tossed and turned a lot. I seem to wake up with obsessive thoughts about something quite unimportant. When I get up , I usually can't remember what it was...

Feeling okay-ish. Not as good as after the vacation but better than before it...

I can't sleep!!!

Sorry about the mad face on top, I just don't know how to remove it.
Oh I guess I just did.

Don't pay any attention to me, I'm starting to not make any sense!

I joined this website in the beginning of September, but only posted a couple of times and then got busy, so I hope I can somehow become part of the loop.
I am very inexperienced with this.
I think I'll go back to the first page and read the instructions

Welcome seaswept... don't worry, we all started somewhere... I still feel like a newbie!
Hope you sleep well soon
Larakeziah hope things get better really soon. Hang on, you can get thru this. Will be praying for you.

Been sick and not doing well at work.... took the day off and starting to feel better...

Thank you for saying that, Black Pup

I was supposed to get up in 2 hours so I'm not even going to try to sleep now, it would just mess me up even more if I did happen to fall asleep.

I'm glad you're taking the day off, I think I will too.

Thank you for saying that, Black Pup.

I'm not even going to try to sleep now because if I do happen to fall asleep now it will mess me up even more, since I was supposed to get up in an hour.

I'm glad you took the day off. Good self-care

(((((((Medicated)))))))

Welcome, Seaswept!
Tell me about it! Try the "zone out"-- trying to trick mind into staying half-sleep, then try the "Stop!". All to no avail. Waking up to obsessive thoughts is very annoying. (It must be extra annoying to have them be about small things you can't remember, Clive!) It might be assumed mine are about recent events. They're not.

Had to laugh the laugh of irony this morning turning computer on. Email comes up... PC Newsletter. Title?
"Sleepless Nights Could be a Sign of Mental Distress"

D'ya think?!!!

At least I laughed.

Am.... feeling annoyed with Wake and Obsess. Feeling guilty. For likely precipitating the thing I obsess over, not knowing how to handle it and realizing a lot of the confusion of what to do/not do/say goes waaaay back... Also feeling like I ought to just not talk --at all-- sometimes (apropos of nothing really...I just get that way from time to time). Ironic, eh?

Sounds not great -- and in a way, it isn't, but at least these generally dog me only in these stupid Wake and Obsess sessions. Rest of the time's been pretty decent, but for anxiety. Finishing (hopefully! ) the costume today, which is both enjoyable and...well...doing art and creative things is my major (sometimes only) source of self-esteem, so it's good having something going, you know? (But really, no worries, I AM doing quite well and certainly far better than I could ever imagine. Have to chalk it up to meds. Wow.)

for everyone

Hi Seaswept, you might find our social group helpful (and fun ) the links are in my signature below..the forum is a little less busy and easier to get around in, IMO..anyway, stick around this time if you can - this is a great place to be.

I keep forgetting to come here!
Medicated:
Lara: whatever it takes to get help..it's okay to take care of yourself first..
InnerZone: I hate that feeling..ought to just not talk..for me, it's like anything and everything I say makes me want to crawl under a rock and never come out. Hope you feel better soon.

Hey Clive! Still waiting for more guys to post in our forum! I guess you're going to have to lead the charge!
Me..pj's, tired, sore joints, muscles. Not depressed, but not very motivated. You can guess what kind of day I'll probably have...

Lara, I PMed you, stafe safe Hun, call out of hours GP if you need help.

Hi Seaswept, i keep coming and going as life pushes me around!

Hi PT52! Chillin!

Me..all over the place, was going to call samaritans but paniced and hung up (cant cope with phones when im anxious) been SHing to control the anxiety but am now starting to get the buzzy head again.. trying very hard to act "normal" as we have visitors!

For a few hours today, wired, hypersensitive, almost vibrating, frustrated and irritable, like riding the edge of a flipout, but aware of it, so that helps some. Some. I live in fear of having people witness me flipping out. It ain't pretty. Hasn't happened, but the potential is defintitely there today. Thinking it may be well be the day that my BF may see a side of me he's not seen before. Yes. I did warn him...
(And yes, he does know about the BP... but he's never seen me seriously at either end yet...)

Thanks for the hugs, everyone.

Fortunately, I have some klonopin on hand... it's just a matter of actually convincing myself to use it. For whatever reason, I have to feel like the world is literally coming to an end (or worse) before I'll ever take one. Silly, I know. But at least they help...

Innerzone-perfect headline.

PT52 thanks for the link, I do kinda feel overwhelmed, so I'll check it out.

I have been irritable all day long, I'm starting to realize the pain meds affect me that way. I feel like I'm just on too many different meds and they are messing each other (and me) up.
I am wiped out from not sleeping last night, but feel as though I won't be able to fall asleep unless I take a sleeping pill....yeah more drugs to contaminate my body.
I noticed there is an insomniac forum- maybe I should take this complaining there.