[Miss Laura]

Was manic on Sunday nite til Monday mornin. Fell asleep Monday mornin at 6am ish. Woke up around 11am feelin a bit down. Slept again 4pm-6pm feeling shattered. Now depression full blown. I have been havin suicidal thoughts. I have self harmed. I have hibernated in bed all day. Its now 320am Tuesday and I am wide awake. This life sucks!

[blueoctober]

Miss Laura, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Have you spoken to anyone about how you have been feeling i.e. Psychiatrist, therapist, friend or family member? If you feel unsafe please go to the ER.

[PT52]

Definitely talk to someone..and listen to that part of you that knows this will pass.

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

I just don't want to tell anyone as they will want me to take time out of work which I cant do or afford.

I have been feeling great well not great but good and now its came and bit me on the bum.

I have wrote and wrote and wrote but nothing is making me happier.

I am in bed as I am soooo tired. I am going out with my Sister..... they just think my tablets are making me sleepy.... none of my family know about anything. Its a wee secret I have to keep to myself.

I just got a wee text from a counselling service I have been put forward to. I have an app on 5th Oct

[PT52]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey guys,

I just don't want to tell anyone as they will want me to take time out of work which I cant do or afford.

I have been feeling great well not great but good and now its came and bit me on the bum.

I have wrote and wrote and wrote but nothing is making me happier.

I am in bed as I am soooo tired. I am going out with my Sister..... they just think my tablets are making me sleepy.... none of my family know about anything. Its a wee secret I have to keep to myself.

I just got a wee text from a counselling service I have been put forward to. I have an app on 5th Oct

Take care of yourself Miss Laura, and go to the ER if you feel you can't make it to the 5th.

[Miss Laura]

I am feeling better...

Been keeping busy today and been with my Sister all day... I know we are twins but god I am joined to her hip haha!!!

Hope this is gonna be better for me

[blueoctober]

I hope your counseling appointment goes well. When you say that none of your family knows are you referring to your diagnosis, or how you have been feeling lately? I hope the counseling appointment helps. I understand your concerns with work. I do have sick leave, but I find I do better if I continue with my routine, going to work etc.

[Miss Laura]

My family know nothing about how I am feeling and about my diagnosis

I am flying solo with coping and I think its making me feel worse.

I am unsure if I want the app on 5th October.... Do I need it anymore?? I don't think I do

[PT52]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

My family know nothing about how I am feeling and about my diagnosis

I am flying solo with coping and I think its making me feel worse.

I am unsure if I want the app on 5th October.... Do I need it anymore?? I don't think I do

You should keep the appointment even if you don't think you need it. Maybe it would help to practice ways to tell your family, get some advice from your T...you're right, it does feel worse if you're trying to do it all alone. We're here, but it's still no substitute for family.

[Miss Laura]

What if they can't help me though?

I guess I am just needing to know I will be ok?

I cant tell my family at the mo as it would be hard for them and me infact too much stress and worry already

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

What if they can't help me though?

I guess I am just needing to know I will be ok?

I cant tell my family at the mo as it would be hard for them and me infact too much stress and worry already

miss laura, that took courage to reach out for help. i hope you will keep the appointment on the 5th. i know for me it was hard to reach out for help too, but i am so grateful i did. yes, they will be able to help you and will keep you safe. try not to worry about your family right now. you just take care of yourself. you are stronger than u realize cause you already have reached out to get the help you feel you need.please let us know how it goes. we care.

[laur88]

Originally Posted by madisgram

miss laura, that took courage to reach out for help. i hope you will keep the appointment on the 5th. i know for me it was hard to reach out for help too, but i am so grateful i did. yes, they will be able to help you and will keep you safe. try not to worry about your family right now. you just take care of yourself. you are stronger than u realize cause you already have reached out to get the help you feel you need.please let us know how it goes. we care.

couldn't have said it better - reaching out is hard when you feel down but it really does help.

you will make it through this!!

[Miss Laura]

Thanks Guys,

I really appreciate all your kind words......... I really don't deserve them

I am gonna go to the app on 5th October. I just am dubious. I know its not gonna be like the counselling I have already had. Which is disappointing me. I know she won't be as nice as my ex counsellor or as patient. I am worried about going though

[hugs46]

You say that you are a twin. Is your sister suffering from the same issues you are and maybe don't know it? I would ask her how she is really feeling. Who knows maybe she is suffering silently too.

[Miss Laura]

My Sister, says she is fine... she has never had "mood swings" as sever as me. She was never really moody really unfortunately its just me

[PT52]

I really appreciate all your kind words......... I really don't deserve them

You do too deserve them!!!
Try to be openminded when you go to your appt - it may turn out to be the greatest thing that ever happened. Even if it's as bad as you think it will be, at least it will be a learning experience, right?

[Miss Laura]

Wide awake. Its just after 3.15am and I am up for work in 3 hours. Been crying. Cant sleep. Not tired. Started writin stuff down. Came out in big messy handwritin. Argh! I feel I had to write it all. I needed to get it out on paper. But its stressing me out.

I have my gp app later this afternoon. No idea wat she is gonna say. I dont want to tell her everything as it means I cant cope and she wil defo want me off of work. Financially is not worth it. I am just gonna throw myself into my work. I have a ton of paper work I have to do anyways. I am a bit speeded up tonight. Well this mornin. Technically it is here. U guys r lucky its stil Tuesday where some of u r! Wish it was me. I am stressin out. Slightly panicin but not too much! Broke up with my boyfriend of only 6 wks on Monday nite. Have no friends at work as they have all ditched me. This is playin on my mind. Cant get it out. Life is so bloody complicated for no REASON at all right?

[Miss Laura]

Still awake and manic. Wil this stop soon? Its just after 3am

hi Laura- I hope you are feeling better. I wanted to share with you that I recently told my husband about my diagnosis. It was so difficult for me to do that. It started with me crying and babbling before I could get the words out of my mouth. The next day was the best day that I had in a very long time. I haven't told anyone else yet ( except for all of you on PC) but I am planning to tell my older brother soon . I am also seeing a therapist once a week. Some weeks I dread going but I do it anyway and I am always happy later that I did. Anytime you want to chat I will be here for you. Sending you a hug.

[CindyLuWho]

Have you tried art therapy? It doesn't matter if it's sloppy, you just pour everything out onto the paper. Also, I find soothing music, a warm (not hot) bath, lavender scented sheets, and some kind of mantra to chant really does help me fall asleep. Lay on your back and focus on relaxing each muscle individually from your toes to your head. And yoga breathe - breath in for a count of four and out for a count of eight.

Hang in there! We know how you feel and you CAN make it through this!!!

[Miss Laura]

Hey Roxiesmum,

I really feel hyper. I am up its just after 12pm here. Goin to meet a friend for lunch. So tired. Fell asleep sometime after 4am or 430am. So tired. Didnt take a sleeping tablet last nite since they dont seem to work at all. This is wen I feel indestructable as I can function mainly with little sleep. Is this wat most or some people feel?

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey Roxiesmum,

I really feel hyper. I am up its just after 12pm here. Goin to meet a friend for lunch. So tired. Fell asleep sometime after 4am or 430am. So tired. Didnt take a sleeping tablet last nite since they dont seem to work at all. This is wen I feel indestructable as I can function mainly with little sleep. Is this wat most or some people feel?

Hi Miss Laura,
Yes, that is how alot of people feel. I have spent the last few days feeling hyper myself.I know how uncomfortable it is. I wish I could bottle some of that energy and save it for when I need it. lol Last night I started to feel better. I was just recently diagnosed with bipolar II and I am trying to learn as much as I can about it. There is alot of excellent info online and on this site under conditions and disorders. I have found it very helpful to read many of the bipolar forums. You realize that you are far from alone & when you get help from therapy and meds that it is a manageable condition. I have just started meds last week. It is important to educate yourself so that you understand it. You have to remind yourself that the mania or hypomania or depression will pass & you will feel better and you should call for help or go to the ER if you need to.The best thing I ever did was to pick up the phone & call for help. It has changed my life. I also found that if I do something relaxing like taking a warm bath or a walk with my dog or sit and look through a magazine that it helps to calm me down. I did some painting this weeknd and that also helped. I hope you feel better today and remember that everyone here at PC cares about you.I'm sending a big hug to you.

[Miss Laura]

Hey CindyLuWho,

I have no art ability at all. I do my little doodlings and that's about it. I have been doing them but get bored and then just scribble and scribble and scribble until my page is covered in ink. Music doesnt seem to help me at all.... Rock music (head banging) kinda works but other than that even the soothing music does nothing. I loved burning hot baths but dont have a bath at my folks house. I did in my flat though.

I try deep breathing exercises.... but they don't do anything for me. I am just worried I can't relax. I had a massage the other week and I was soooo relaxed for the 1 hour but as soon as it was finished I was unable to relax.

It's my sleep which is bugging me more. I just want sleep... my body is tired but I am not inside

[midnight_soul]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

My family know nothing about how I am feeling and about my diagnosis

I am flying solo with coping and I think its making me feel worse.

I am unsure if I want the app on 5th October.... Do I need it anymore?? I don't think I do

Please, for your sake keep the appointment. It wil be hard i won't lie and you will be nervous. That's perfectly normal, we all have been there and understand.

I have to say this to you and hope the moderator doesn't delete it, but it isn't good for you to fly solo with your illness. There must be some one you trust...a friend.....church....anything? You have already admited to yourself that flying solo makes you feel worse. Keep your Doc. appointment. They can set up therapy groups for you so that you can at least talk to people in person that will not let your secret out to family.

You can walk thru the door on 10-5-2010. YOU CAN DO THIS.

[Miss Laura]

Hey midnight_soul,

I am not flying completely solo I have friends but my family don't know anything. They are under a lot of stress but my parents have been made redundant and there is still no jobs etc.

I only tell my friends some things though not everything and they dont know how low I feel at the moment. I don't want to dissapoint them

I am speaking to the samaritians and also a few people from a church. I have not been to church in years so I am still unsure about it.