Those thoughts

Just reading a long and pulling for you. HUGGGSSS!

Thanks for walking this road with me....!

No trouble! We seem to be heading the same direction

Jackie, hope things keep getting better. Lots of and

I hear you. The good thing is forging ahead and as you say getting something done.

Let the tears roll sister and fight back with all you got! Hang in there for yourself and all of us on the same boat!

Doing my best, hey!

All the more inspirational!

Short-lived. Cannot be in a mixed episode and thne be presented with a trigger. So, right now the wheels are off again. I need to get out of my job. I need to stand my ground. I feel like such a failure in my job... And like i'm being walked all over

I just want out. I want peace from this pain. I am scared of continuously entering the unknown. Every step is down an unexplored alley - most with horrific surprises. And when oyu think you've seen them all, there's another.
I don't know how you guys keep it together, because I sure can't!

Suga Please Keep on keeping on, I'm sure with the right resources you'll be fine in no time...

Look at me, I thought I was a hopeless case until I discovered meds...

Please don't lose faith♥

every little episode saps me of any bit of energy I ever had. And it's not fair on my job nor my relationship to be good for nothing except sleep

I wish I could take all the doubt and pain and darkness away...

One of the nice things about energy is that it eventually renews itself. Maybe look at available jobs and see if there's something that's a better fit for you. Remember, though, if you really were a failure at your job, you wouldn't still have a job.

If anything is not fair, it's that you have to cope with something you had no choice in. Your BF, your boss, anyone else has a choice to stick by you. Especially your BF - it's his choice to stay, but he can't if you won't let him. If you think this relationship is good for you, let him stay.

Hey Suga,
Please stay strong with us. I'm on the edge too, many of us are. I know I am playing dirty here but... We need you. We want you here. If you didn't keep posting the ripple would be felt through out the PC community. Your presence here makes my life better and I am sure I am not alone.
Who else is going to get our conversations about riding around on a 1,200lb animal crying our eyes out? Hell, even my horse doesn't get it... looks at me like I'm nuts... but she complies because she loves me.
And FYI your choosing to decide what is "fair" for someone else, especially when your depressed is what is truly not fair. I would be really upset if you made the decision to not be around me because you WRONGLY thought it wasn't fair to me. OK, I'd be F* pissed if you made that decision for me. That is my job not yours.

wasn't sure if you needed warm fuzzys or a kick in the ***** so there's both! re-read what you need.

I probably need both sympathy and a kick in the ###. I'm trying to explain to my bf what it feels like, but he's never experienced depression. And sure has hell has never had sui thoughts. I fell asleep like a log last night and didn't even notice him climb into bed a little after me. The alarm going off this AM was a real shock - I did NOT want to leave bed. I still think I should have stayed at home - have a day to rest and recharge the batteries.
I'm so at the end of my tether.
You guys' support means a lot to me - really

Hey at least you got sleep going for you!

Okay I am trying to cheer you up a bit!

@ suga - The thing is we aren't keeping it together either! And that is the point my sister, the fact is your fighting despite all reasons to stop is commendable and motivational to us as we try and do the same!

Heck yeah you also need a kick in arse! We all do, we are all running on fumes! But don't you dare give up on us or yourself! You've come to far lady!

You need a change? So be it, managing stress is vital. You will find a crack to slip through and you will get through it. Not unscathed mind you but that is not what we do now is it?

We're survivors BABY! Plain and simple! I like to think we are like the tortoise in the famed Tortoise and the Hare story. It's all about getting there somehow someway! Who cares what shape were in if we get there?

And where is there? Further down the road from where you are now, and that is good enough and nothing to be ashamed of. We didn't sign on for this!

Thanks Lexapro - some days are just that much harder - it's those days the tortoise has to traverse a sludge path, rather than a tarred road

they're coming back. Havent take enough to hurt myself,but may eventually feel crap. In bed, so going to try sleep this off.rather be zombiefied... It hurts too much

Thinking of you, worried about you, praying that you find peace, energy and a respite from suffering. Lots of K

I'm losing this battle... I need help. I really dont feel in control

This battle isn't lost until it is lost, no matter how it feels at the time. I hope you can maintain enough control to last until you see tdoc or pdoc again, but if you cannot the ER is always an option, even if it is one that we don't like. Please know that you have my support and the support of everyone here at psychcentral. We will help you by listening and encouraging you to keep going, because I know that, as difficult as it is, you can keep going and you have more control than you realize. Please take care of yourself even, or perhaps especially, when it is most difficult. (((sugahorse)))

I already drugged myself to the hilt to sleep and today is no different. I don't feel guilty - I want peace

Ohhhhh sugahorse! Please stay safe. Please.

Come on now! You are preaching to the choir! You know you aren't going to snap out of it but you also know that drugging yourself in this way is only making things worse!

Out of control? I get it, all of us on here do! You are giving in to the self destructive nature or the internal battle.

Please take a minute and refocus! PLEASE!

Listen to me, you and I know it will never be the way we want it to be. We all know that don't we?

But that does not mean that you cannot have joy or experience love! Only you can deny yourself of either of them. No disease can totally take that away from you or I!

And control? Think about it. If we were all honest we would admit and acknowledge that is only a relative and subjective ability. NO ONE IS TOTALLY IN CONTROL! NO ONE!

So while that does not make it any easier it should make you remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of or to feel sorry for.

And worse yet you are relinquishing what "little" control you even recognize you had or have!

STOP being the problem and START being the master of your being as best you can!

And I remind you again. If you give in and "fail" we all fail together and with you!

Lexapro - will I appreciate your reply, I think my current state it has just gone right over my head. There are too manyy emotions, physical sickness, feelings of lonliness and despair. I'll do my best to hang in there - i don't think I have the energy to follow anything through - I just need you sympathetic support xxx

Oh I know you do my friend and I am trying to get that across also!

Look I am in that place myself and it is horrible. It is as if we were born with a life sentence!

And believe me I hurt just knowing that you hurt also. I would not wish this on my worst enemy to steal a cliche'.

I clearly want to offer my support and feelings of concern.

In addition what I am saying is if you give up then it tells the rest of us holding on that maybe we won't make it either!

You need us and we need you!

Don't just ride the storm out Suga! PLEASE trust me when I tell you that this is not the life our creator meant for anyone and he is going to bring all of this to an end!

That is worth holding on for, it really is ...................!

I am here as for you as best as I can be.