PER again - NO HELP!!!! *TRIGGER*

My friend insisted I go this time because I was talking of SI and I hadn't really gotten over the other day.

I said i was felt bad still and was just treading water. Basically, PER said did I want to stay. My pdoc said if they ask that I say "YES!" But PER said they have no beds and I'd have to go to some other hospital somewhere in the state that might have a bed. So I'm in a quandry. It seemed they were trying to talk me out of staying but couldn't actually do that so they told me there was no middle ground and why didn't I get a hotel and if that was too expensive I could stay in PER - for THREE DAYS until they could find me a bed. So I cried at my friend who took me and left. They said I was worse the other day. Oh so SI still is okay to have? They said i wasn't planning on doing it just thinking about it. I was thinking pretty hard and yeah the other night I felt worse but I said I need something to get me through till tuesday when I see my pdoc. They had no suggestions but to see if they'd see me Monday. Oh yeah sure. I can't get an impromptu appointment in six WEEKS or more! And to top it off the friend who said I should go said to call her and she'd have the phone right with her didn't answer the 4 times I tried.

Awe Moose,

I am sorry things are bad for you at the moment. Is there another friend you can call and rely on?

Do you have a crisis number you can contact if needs be?

My other fiend is breaking UP with me as I tyPe. Six yeasZ. Fml

(((((Moose)))))

I know how frustrating it can be when help is needed, but they can't provide it. The wait times for getting a bed in the hospital can be ridiculously long. I'm afraid I don't have any words of advice, just wanted to let you know that I can relate. Please keep posting, we are here to listen.

Now my nonbf says last night he was suicidal - our relationship is all but gone. Yet he still thinks he knows the way I should fix my week.

((((((Hugs)))))) Hang in there ,, keep posting . We all love you

http://www.crisischat.org/chat
They're available 12 hours a day and it can be anonymous.

Lifeline:
1 800 273 8255
They are very nice. Can also be anonymous. Will check back with you every few minutes to let you know they haven't forgotten you.

Depending on what state you're in, they also have a hotline. They maybe could send a crisis team out to talk to you and comfort you. They might recommend that you go to the hospital if they feel you're bad enough, but sometimes we just need someone to be near us.

Your post made me cry.

Hey Moose,

Definately keep us updated ok! You will get through this. Sorry about your friend

Oh, Moose! Hang in there! Don't give up, and keep posting. Too many of us would miss you if you weren't here.

Hi. I had a nice day with a friend. It was so relaxing. BBut UGH stupid non bf is texting me that he wanted a hug (they live in the same house) and now he's on to talking about cutting me off from sex - AGAIN. and he simply can't see how this would upset me this week!!!! and why I don't WANT his hug tonight (when I left). What is WRONG with people?

Now he says I'm being selfish when thinking only of me and not "his issues". Whatever those are. Guess I AM selfish.

What is wrong with people? They simply have no concept of what we go through. Of the ups and down in our daily lives. Of the long months (or short hours) of depression followed by 5 minutes of normal, then back up to the manics, only to crash later back into the depths of hell. I have a close friend who is Bipolar 1, and even I can't fully understand what she goes thru, being bipolar 2, myself. All I can do is offer my sympathy and my support and be there when she needs me. And most of all, I try to learn what it is I can do for her when she is hurting most.

It sounds like your non bf isn't willing to do that last part. I'm sorry to hear that, since relationships involve a lot of learning if they are to succeed.

He just thinks he has issues- which he does- but he wants me to pay attention to them while he's killed our intimacy. I did enough putting him first when we had a semi-ok relationship and I don't feel like doing it when this week I come first.

Good for you Moose, seriously put yourself first. Uggggh at non-bf really! I kinda think non bf needs to learn something, I know it's not my place, but I care about you. I just do not like it that you are being more upset.

I am glad you have some other friends tho. You know the drill, we are here for you, we love ya!!! Mucho!

I think we might have the same bf/ex bf. I tried to tell mine how I was feeling. He could see me right in front of him being a mess, crying and all the rest and he still would tell me I was not giving him enough attention and being like I used to be. He was right, I was not. I could not. So he broke up with me and for a month now has persisted in telling me I am not meeting his needs. How he can't believe I am not doing what he needs.
I am sorry you are in that situation now.

It is hard to believe someone cares about us and loves us when they do this. I just finally stopped answering my ex bf texts or calls. I have nothing to give.

How are you now?

Thinking about this makes me cry. (not this board though!) I just texted with him again. He basically said I can't tell him how I feel and I just need to get through it alone. I can't say how I feel like our relationship is over for good and how that makes me feel. It's like I'm getting the cold shoulder breakup. He wants to wait out my getting over whatever the hell this is. I don't know why he picked this week for this. How horribly selfish and mean.

M0OSE

People can be so self-centred and cruel.

How are you feeling now? I just found this thread and I suck at time zones so idk when you first posted.

Thinking of you, always remember that you are wanted and loved over here. You are important, valuable,worthy. Please take good care of yourself

You're right, it is selfish of him. When we love someone anything they are going through should be supported. We support and help those we love. Sometimes people dont know how to be supportive, but telling someone not to tell you how you feel and to go through it alone is not caring at all.

Here's the deal- I am doing Codependents anonymous/ codependent no more and the first step is admitting we are powerless over_____.
for me, I am admitting I am powerless over other people's reactions, thoughts, and decisions. (amongst a whole lot of things I am powerless over but have tried to control)
I can tell them how I feel, but I can't get them to give me the kind of support I need. That does not mean that we have to accept being mistreated. I stopped trying to get other people to agree with my feelings.
I accept, with sadness, that my ex bf and one of my friends are unable to be there for me now and help me. I assumed that when people care about me, they will treat me like I need to be treated, but they are simply either unwilling or unable to do it. I used to insist on getting other people to see it my way and do what I need.

I am sorry that your friends are not giving you the support you need. You have to evaluate if that is acceptable to you or not.

He thinks I'm being clingy but what I see is losing six years of good times. Logically, I know I can't lose the past but I am losing the future good times and it feels the same.

You say he thinks he has issues. What are they if you don't mind me asking?

He hasn't said except that when I was feeling suicidal apparently so was he. He's always had issues he can't solve over lost loves or how he wants to change his life. He has always been this way.

Moose (((( HUGS ))))

I feel bad your in this situation ,,, hasnt he been your "non -bf" for a while ? I would imagine all this back and forth is making matters only worse for you .. everyone has issues whether they are bipolar or not ...BUT ..... by what you say here I feel maybe he should just be your ex and you move on and get yourself more stable to where you can really put some thought into the relationship with him ... from what you have posted in the last few months hes more often than not your NON BF maybe cutting off contact with him for a while would help YOU feel better and not always in such turmoil over him ? gods knows you have enough on your plate right now and hes certainly not helping ..
just my opinion and I hope I havent overspoke about your situation..

(((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))

Yes this situation has gone on for a long time. It's been getting to me for years. That's another reason this is so hard. No you haven't over spoken! I am so happy to have support.