Questioning My Bipolar Diagnosis.. Do I Have BPD Instead? Help?

Hello. I am new here. I read these posts a lot when I am googling about Bipolar disorder. I have always been a touch.... I'll say grumpy, especially compared to my sister and mother (most of the time though my sis and I suspect she IS bipoar). My sister has many children and I'm looked at by them as the "enforcer" but I don't WANT to be! Recently some events happened and my boyfriend told me my moods go from being completely happy and fun to getting angry, defensive, and sad in a split second. I have always just assumed that was me but being called out on it by someone new and from a great, level-headed and close family, it caught my attention. I saw a counselor who recommended me to see a psychiatrist for mood stabilizers. I have seen two psychiatrists (Second opinion and switch-- didn't like the first one) and I see a counselor regularly. The psychiatrists believe I have anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and thought it could be major depressive disorder but at my last appointment they told me it was more likely bipolar II but since I have been happy at lengthy times they have to diagnose me as bipolar I. So, here is where I need help... I am on Celexa, started at 5mg and now at 20mg because I had a panic attack recently. The psychiatrist gave me Lamictal to start but I am so hesitant (I hate medication) and I just need some verification from others suffering from similar symptoms. I have problems staying asleep at night and am depressed almost every day, unless I am busy at work and then I do a great job at what I do. I just don't really know if I have manic or hypomanic symptoms and I keep searching my memory bank for any. I remember a few years ago my sister was visiting me from Japan with her new baby and they were staying with me at my boyfriend's house and a guy friend of mine called me up and asked me to drive 2 hours away to hang out with him that weekend and I did it! I just up and left my sister, my nieces and nephew and my boyfriend!! WHO does that?! Anyways, after that I was in a relationship with a guy who I knew was no good for me and he partied a lot so I partied a lot and did not need as much sleep as I need now and was at work on time and took anyone's extra call that wanted to get rid of it. Of course, not all days were sunshine, he was a real loser so I up and left when things went South. Now, for the last two years I have been having trouble sleeping (staying asleep, not falling asleep), am majorly depressed, I often feel like my life is so hopeless and such a waste and I just don't want to be here, I developed anxiety and panic attacks, especially at holidays with my boyfriend's family. I just can't find any supporting information about very subtle hypomania. For the last two years, it is rare I feel good but some days I wake up thinking I can do all this stuff or I make goals and then half an hour into it I am super depressed and do nothing at all and I am sleeping more. Any help would be great! I just want to make sure before I start the Lamictal.

** I wrote this in the initial welcome forum but I pasted it here just now (obviously). However, last night I took the Sanity Score and came up with 114 and it seemed to lean toward Borderline Personality Disorder and I researched that and feel like that is much more like my issue. I have been tormenting myself for the last month trying to come up with any hypomanic symptoms I may have and I just don't think I have any. I mean, I don't do much risky stuff because I have nobody to help me if I screw anything up, such as finances, my mortgage and bills, or my job and school. The things I've done in the past seem to have been very impulsive, for sure, and really stupid but most of that is relationship issues. I almost never pick the right guy and when I have in the past I usually go looking for something different, maybe I get bored or am just messed up a little with that. I always want to help people so I take on more of their issues than I think one should and I suffer from that. Such as, paying their bills and allowing them to treat me like a doormat, which is a 50-50 problem since I allow it to slowly become that kind of relationship.

Does anyone have anything like what I have? Maybe I could get some insight from those with BPD and those with Bipolar II but very subtle hypomania? I just want to know what my problem is so that I can make sure I am always treating it properly and look for alternative ways to make myself healthy. Thank you and God bless.

I was diagnosed bp2 but currently I am questioning my diagnosis as well. I don't think I have mood swings, but more mood shifts or switches. I go from being level, to hypo, to anxious, then irritable in like the span of like an hour. But my biggest issue right now is abandonment stuff. Bpd and bp2 definitely share similar symptom traits. Good luck, I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Hi there,

Of course no one can diagnose you here and it sounds like maybe you need to have continued in-depth conversations with your psychiatrist (and therapist if you have one) about your symptoms to sort them out.

my moods go from being completely happy and fun to getting angry, defensive, and sad in a split second

But I will say in general that switching from one mood to another at the drop of a hat is more often than not, not characteristic of bipolar disorder.

it is rare I feel good but some days I wake up thinking I can do all this stuff or I make goals

And I'd say that feeling good, goal-directed, are wonderful things (however short-lived) and I don't think there's anything pathological about it. Is your behavior when you're feeling good very distressing to you or those around you or are destructive in some way?

but since I have been happy at lengthy times they have to diagnose me as bipolar I

This truly baffles me. Your psychiatrist told you that because you're 'happy' for lengthy times it means you're bipolar I? I assume there must be more to this than what you've said? In my opinion being happy is a wonderful way to be and not something to be diagnosed or medicated. There's so so much more to hypomania and mania than this, but it looks like you must have shared very different things with your psychiatrist for he/she to come to that opinion, so I don't know.

Which isn't to say that you're not very distressed, of course you could use some help and I'm glad you're reaching out. You can talk to your psychiatrist about medication, of course, but maybe you would benefit from therapy --it can really help with relationships and mood regulation. Maybe a therapist could help you identify what is triggering your moods and maybe from there you'll see that they're not as random as they may seem. It's tough and takes time, but I think it's worth it.

Best of luck!

Bipolar Mom,
Thank you for your response. This is all new to me and it is so overwhelming. I am definitely going to talk with my psychiatrist in two weeks at my appointment and bring up Borderline Personality Disorder. I just was not convinced about BPII but after reading BPD I feel more comfortable with that and I can actually learn more about it. I think you are correct that BPD and BPII are very similar. In fact, I wonder if BPD might even be a subcategory of Bipolar Disorder. Who knows?! I know medicine is never 100% and research is always ongoing so maybe we'll know something in like 10 years, lol. Keep me posted if they switch your diagnosis, I'd like to know how you are getting along. What are you taking for the BP? Thank you, good luck, and God bless!

Ultramar,

Thank you for responding. Actually, I do have a counselor that I see regularly and she is wonderful but we thought the meds would really help settle my anxiety and depression before therapy will truly begin to work so I have started my meds. The psychiatrist, however, sees me for 15 minutes and is on to her next appointment but she is very empathetic and I really like her, I just wish she did ask me more about my history. I know it sounds confusing, I'll try to make it a lot more clear...
About two years ago is when my anxiety and depression and sleep issues started. Before that I thought I was happy and went out a ton with friends and drank a drink or two, never got wasted or anything, pretty level-headed and extremely worried about making sure I drove myself home safe and sober. I had tons of friends and did a lot of things on my own, like going to bars to meet my friends by myself and going shopping and stuff. I was always jumping quickly into relationships and they were always, always crazy. I fought hard with almost everyone I have ever been with. I remember throwing something once, threatening to kill myself once, and just crying so hard I would be sick. About two years ago I left a very bad relationship that just kept going downhill and I was ashamed of who I had become. Once I left him and moved closer to work things just started changing. I know even when I was "happy" I never felt a good sense of self or was secure. I've always had this feeling of emptiness and lost in this world, like everyone around me has their own personality and I was trying to find one. I digress... back to two years ago. I started having issues staying asleep at night, I would toss and turn and wake up each time, so I am up 8-9 times at night. I take melatonin and drink chamomile tea before bed, too. Then I was just sad all the time and then the anxiety started. I met my current boyfriend about two years ago and he is Christian and does not jump into relationships so that was a new one for me and it has been great but I still struggle everyday feeling empty, alone, angry, jealous, hateful, just lost. I find nothing exciting, I don't want to be here. I just have no clue why on Earth I am here. I do have moments where I have ideas and I am constantly changing my career goals and what I want to do but I just come back to thinking I am too old to change my path and I'm not on one anyways and my life is so useless. I just don't agree with a BPII diagnosis because I can't think of any mania in my life. It is mostly anxiety, stress, misery, depression, and hope that some day I will fit in this world. I don't feel like I have my own personality and I don't feel like anyone likes me and so I've become a homebody. I avoid most social situations and dread any family ones. I was just hoping I could get others to share their symptoms and stories and maybe I will be able to see with whom I can relate to. I would appreciate any suggestions or comments. I will definitely be talking with they psychiatrist soon. Thanks again and God bless!!

Hi, I understand the questioning you have been going through I have been there. I am bipolar 1 and my brother is bipolar 2. The I have many more regular manic/hypomanic episodes than he does. He is mainly depressed. The difference is that with bipolar 2 you only need to have had a few hypomanic episodes in the past for the diagnosis. With bipolar one they are far more frequent/severe. So not having them recently shouldn't matter.

Also four months ago I thought I might have had borderline and I actually do. Unfortunately bipolar is a mood disorder and bpd is a personality disorder, so you can have both. There are no medications to treat bpd. But if you think it is possible talk to your doctor. It is better to know so you are treated properly.

Hello, I have BPD and bipolar 2.
You say you don't agree with the diagnosis and can't think of any manic symptoms. If that's true then I wonder why you were diagnosed with bipolar 1? That sounds very strange. Is it possible that you have both, but don't recognize the manic symptoms? If you don't have manic symptoms then you're not bipolar. I hope you figure this out, and if you have BPD I hope you're prepared for some hard work!

Welcome to PC

I recently made my own forum posts about having less than obvious forms of hypo/mania.

I can never identify a time period where I was "hypomanic" or particularly any time that I believed I was "Up." However, I do experience extreme shifts in energy in the sense that I go from tired and depressed to anxious, panicky, and restless. To me it all feels like the same misery, just experienced in two different ways.

I don't think it's right for someone to have to analyze their life in order to spot potential manic periods. Anyone could color so many periods in their life that way if we told them to look for it and do it. Self analysis has helped me but not by forcing me to recognize periods that look like obvious hypomania but by recognizing mood and anxiety shifts that indicate bipolar.

I have both, and for reasons I'm unable to articulate rightnow, they are 2 very different battles I fight... Best you speak with the pdoc and explain why you don't identify with the bipolar dx. Then pdoc can elaborate why you have the dx and you can either agree or argue why you disagree....

I have both, and for reasons I'm unable to articulate right now, they are 2 very different battles I fight... Best you speak with the pdoc and explain why you don't identify with the bipolar dx. Then pdoc can elaborate why you have the dx and you can either agree or argue why you disagree....

Is it true that most people with borderline have seriously traumatic backgrounds and that is why they have borderline? That is what I understood. I didn't think you could really be diagnosed with borderline without that extreme trauma. I am I wrong about that?

I had an extremely traumatic background and was not diagnosed with borderline because my symptoms had faded enough because I was in a safe enough place to not be 'acting out' anymore. When I was younger and not in a safe place I was for sure borderline 100%. Once I got married and was safe and started to calm down after about 10 years and was in therapy for about 5 years my symptoms calmed down. Now I do still show symptoms occasionally but not enough to be diagnosable.

I do have rapid cycling bipolar II which does in a way look like borderline to me on occasion but I can feel the difference now. The bipolar 'feels' brain based rather than emotionally based if that makes sense?

C. and Oliver (my Service Dog)

Briefly: according to the DSM, you only have to have had 1 manic episode to be diagnosed Bipolar I (of course there are other criteria as well). Also, Bipolar I does not mean having more frequent episodes than Bipolar II at all.

No, no studies or diagnostic criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder say that you must have a history of trauma in order to meet the criteria.

That said, many do. Though some studies indicate that there must have been something else going on developmentally (i.e. lack of attunement in childhood, etc.) for BPD to manifest itself, since -amongst other things- not all those who have a history of trauma (however severe) end up with BPD. So I think there's some correlation, but not causation --there are also a great many people with BPD without a history of trauma.

I think the similarity between BPD and Bipolar II is the mood lability. But I think one thing that distinguishes the two are how long these moods last, and more importantly, what triggers them. I think if your mood is more often than not affected by your environment, but especially by issues in relationships with others (romantic or otherwise) then this points more towards BPD. For example, if you feel slighted or abandoned by someone and become very depressed and/or angry as a result, this might point towards BPD. My understanding is that BPD traits manifest themselves primarily in the context of relationships with others (again, not just romantic ones, but maybe romantic more than others).

I hear you talking about problems with identity, feelings of emptiness, which are signs of BPD, but then I'm sure these feelings can come up in just about anyone at some point or another.

I'd talk to your providers about what triggers your moods, how long they last, and other symptoms you're experiencing. I think in the case of Bipolar vs BPD it can be very important to make an accurate diagnosis between the two because the treatment is so vastly different. That said, as a couple of people have pointed out, you can be diagnosed with both.

I also think (well have read) that some psychiatrists are reluctant to diagnose personality disorders because you really need to get to know someone over time to make a diagnosis like this, and most psychiatrists just don't get to know their patients on that level. Some may be more comfortable diagnosing something like Bipolar II if mood lability is a problem because it can be medicated and that's their job (to medicate). They can try to help with the lability, but not with other issues that require therapy. In this sense, I feel that therapists might be better able to diagnose PD's than psychiatrists.

Whatever your diagnosis, though, I would think that your therapist, as she gets to know you, will be helping you with your concerns, regardless of your diagnosis. I would just hope that if your main problem is BPD, that your moods were addressed in the context of what is triggering them at any given moment, and not not be addressed because the thinking is that they are just dropping out of the sky for no particular reason, which might be the danger with being treated only as bipolar.

You summed that up really well. I completely skipped over the obvious difference that one is a mood disorder and the other a personality disorder. I am still struggling to identify any hypomania and I actually missed my recent appointment because I fell asleep! I am on Lamictal at 12.5mg, upping it to 25mg this Thursday, and it keeps me up all night and I accidentally fell asleep an hour before my appointment. Boy oh boy. Well I thank you very much for your response and I will continue researching and taking my meds. God bless.

The Millon personality test can help see whether you have BPD. It would not be helpful in identifying Bipolar so much, but it would help with the BPD part of the dx issues.

Ultramar,

Again, thank you for the response. I spent awhile on the phone with my sister, discussing how I've changed over the years and she did some reading about BP and BPD and she feels BPD pretty much sums me up. However, I have already started the antidepressant over a month ago and the lamictal about 10 days ago so I will continue the treatment my pdoc gave me until I see her again. She only spends 15 minutes with me and, oddly, has not asked me about my past or anything.... I see a counselor at another location and she is more like, "don't worry about a diagnosis" and I don't know why she thinks that. All I know is the medications keep me up all night, tossing and turning, give me stomach issues and headaches. If I do have BPD I would much rather do therapy and stop the meds. I hate taking medications. I really appreciate everyone's help, advice, and experiences and I will let you all know what I found out so that everyone learns a little something with me. I have studied psychology as my major for years, but this is a completely new experience. I never truly understood what it is like for others to actually live these disorders. I commend everyone for what they have dealt with and continue to deal with so gracefully. What an awesome place to come and talk with others. God bless!

Stomach issues are typical short-term side effects and may very well go away.

However, if you are unable to sleep, then the medications CLEARLY are not helping the bipolar, because bipolar is very much dependent on sleep and the success of medications is often measured by how well the patient sleeps. If you are bipolar, indeed, and the medications keep disturbing your sleep, then you should not be on them, OR, the p-doc should give you something else to make you sleep.

It sounds like you actually have a very good grasp of what your problems/challenges are. It might be a good idea to print this out and bring it to your psychiatrist appointment. What does your therapist think? I suspect she knows you pretty well (depending on how long you've been seeing her) and maybe can help you with communicating your doubts to your psychiatrist. It does sound like your issues are in the context of relationships, and that's important. What you've written here sound like the kind of things that primarily a therapist could help you with and maybe some medication could help to take the edge off some of your symptoms. Just be open and honest with your psychiatrist. The important thing is that you get the treatment that is going to best help you. Good luck!

I can really identify with a lot that has been already stated. I was first diagnosed with BP because I had mood swings. I had hypomania symptoms: talked very quickly, anxious, running thoughts, high energy. These symptoms varied in duration. On the other had I was severely depressed and suicidal. I was put on Lithium, Lamictal, Seroquel, Clonazapam, and Wellbutrin. After 7 years I have now been told that I was misdiagnosed and really suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. I was truly angry at first. I figured that I didn't need to be on all that medication. I'm slowly coming to accept that I could have BPD. My therapist told me and some one from this forum reminded me that it really doesn't matter what my diagnosis is because both BP and BPD are treated in the same way. I don't take the same medication by choice. I've been dealing with a lot of depression lately. I made the mistake of not taking my meds for a while and drinking. I trying to get back on track now.

The who diagnosis thing is a terrible thing to have to deal with in addition to the depression and other problems like suicidal thoughts. I definitely want to say that it would be really good to work with the doctors as closely as possible because they do know more than us. I do a lot of research because I want to be knowledge about what is being suggested. When it comes to the medicine it's important to understand how they are supposed to work and how to take them. I'm learning more about my meds since I stopped taking them and now I am starting over from a low dosage with Wellbutrin and Lamital. My understanding about Lamital is that it can cause a lot of problems if I increase dosage too quickly. I'm going to make an effort to really work with my doctors so that we can figure out what is really going to work for me, especially in light of the new diagnosis of BPD.

I hope this helps. I like this thread. It has been helpful for me to hear what others have to say about BP and BPD. Peace

Checking back in YEARS later, LOL!! It turned out that I actually had neither Bipolar or BPD. I was experiencing some manic type feelings, really happy and energetic simply compared to my tired and fatigued days. I had untreated Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, an autoimmune disease. Once on proper thyroid meds, which were natural dessicated due to me also discovering I have Celiac Disease and Dermatitis Herpetiformis, I felt a lot better. I ended up going off my continuous birth control that I was on for eight years straight for Endometriosis, all of these are autoimmune diseases. I started eating AIP elimination diet and found the foods that trigger inflammation for my body and was able to get off all medications! I still have anxiety and panic disorder but I am currently undergoing testing to see why I still have sleep issues. I am being worked up for Narcolepsy and for Nocturnal Seizures. Not entirely sure what the outcome will be but I have been doing much better!! I also did undergo some EMDR therapy for some insecurities and specific anxiety triggers, which helped tremendously and I encourage anyone with trauma, PTSD, or anxiety to get some EMDR therapy!! I hope you all are doing well since you last helped me with your time and thoughts. My sister actually ended up getting a diagnosis last year of both BPD and Bipolar II! Not surprising to me at all, now that I have a better grasp on things. My mother still has not seeked treatment and doesn't believe there is anything going on with her but I believe her and my sister are mirror images with their issues, lol. Thanks everyone!!

It's always nice when someone fills us in on what happened, even years after the fact. I'm glad you got to the bottom of what was ailing you.

Welcome to PC, I'm glad to see that you're still posting after the OP.

And please...people...can we use paragraphs? Thank you very much.