[Victoria'smom]

I'm not hypo-manic, and yes I've read my signature over and over.

I seriously want to flush all my *** **** meds, cancel all appointments and say F' it. If need be just walk away from everything! I know it's not fair to others but I don't care. I really don't care about anything. I want to **** up, I want to crash, I want to destroy everything!!! Everyone can ****ing take care of themselves. What cause this?? Absolutely nothing. I just want to be done with everything.

If I stop meds my pdoc wont let me go back to lamictal, If get sick of un-medicated me.

[Travelinglady]

I can understand your frustration--but hang in here!

[Sistah]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm not hypo-manic, and yes I've read my signature over and over.

I seriously want to flush all my *** **** meds, cancel all appointments and say F' it. If need be just walk away from everything! I know it's not fair to others but I don't care. I really don't care about anything. I want to **** up, I want to crash, I want to destroy everything!!! Everyone can ****ing take care of themselves. What cause this?? Absolutely nothing. I just want to be done with everything.

If I stop meds my pdoc wont let me go back to lamictal, If get sick of un-medicated me.

Oh God! Your post is scary. You're expressing just what and how I feel. I've said your words time and time again and I continue to say them. I just get to the end of my wick and I think I'm going to go crazy. Are you familiar with DBT or any other support group or program? You are definitely not alone in your thinking. I wish you peace.

[sugahorse1]

Please discuss these emotions with your pdoc or T. I have done this so many times, and I know my pdoc and T get so frustrated and it's a matter of time til they refuse to continue working with me.
You've come so far and tapered meds up to a therapeutic dosage, gone through side effects etc - don't give all that hard work up.

Unfortunately it's often only when we stop our meds that we realize how much they have actually been helping us

[bluemountains]

Hi MM,
I am so sorry that you feel so awful right now. Try to focus on the right now and just get through minute by minute. Keep with the meds and visit your pdoc and t to see what can be done so you don't continue to have such extreme feelings. Did something trigger your feelings? Are your husband and son okay right now? If your husband is able to support you, please let him.
I'm pulling for you, MM!
Bluemountains

[Trippin2.0]

((((((((MM))))))))))
So sorry you're struggling, please hang in the, moment by moment, breath by breath. You can do this

[Cocosurviving]

Hi MM,
I've had moments of wanting to throw the towel in. Your feelings are valid because we all get frustrated. Like a few others I would encourage you to reschedule w/ ur T ASAP and spoke w/ ur pdoc. Do you attend a support group? It helps me to talk abt my feeling. There are also help line you can call and just chat with.

I'm sending you good vibes and prayer

[BlueInanna]

(((MM)))

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm not hypo-manic, and yes I've read my signature over and over.

I seriously want to flush all my *** **** meds, cancel all appointments and say F' it. If need be just walk away from everything! I know it's not fair to others but I don't care. I really don't care about anything. I want to **** up, I want to crash, I want to destroy everything!!! Everyone can ****ing take care of themselves. What cause this?? Absolutely nothing. I just want to be done with everything.

If I stop meds my pdoc wont let me go back to lamictal, If get sick of un-medicated me.

Do you know why you're feeling this way? Obviously there's some reason for it, maybe if you get to the bottom of it you can work it out (I know of course, this is easier said than done). Have you talked to your therapist about it?

[~Christina]

(((((((( MM )))))))))))

[Victoria'smom]

Sorry this took to long I had a busy day.

Sistah - I wish things were just simpler.

Bluemountains – I have no idea what has triggered the feeling. It's been kind of rattling around for a very long time. My husband is and is not being supportive. He is giving me my meds so I don't “forget” but he keeps insisting I'm still hypo-manic and making little jabs at it. Including asking what I said to T to make her think I'm not hypo-manic. My son was so brave Monday and I'm so proud of him. He picks at his scalp seriously has no skin left up there. He actually got a hair cut and showed his Pdoc his scalp.

Sugahorse1 - If I stop the meds I figure it'll take a while to get use to again but after it'll be better.

Coco- I don't have a support group but I have a family team so my family is dealt with as a whole. I refuse to see T while she's sick because I don't want to catch it.

Ultramar – I don't want meds, I don't want therapy, I don't want anything I just want to go back to not dealing with the MH system at all. I'm tired and just done. I regularly talk to T about the whole hatred for meds and being fed up but it always turns into me getting frustrated and changing topics.

I have officially avoided my pdoc since February (haven't fully honest since November) and I'm shooting for avoiding him until July but my whole families team knows I've purposely canceled so everyone GP, my t, son's t, sons pdoc, h's t, marriage t & h's pdoc have gently reminded / wrote down when my appointment with pdoc is. It's not that I don't like pdoc I like him a lot. He's a guy I'd hang out with in other circumstances. I want to figure out what I want to do before talking to him.

My husband said to talk to pdoc. My husband knows where all our T's stand, more meds not less. He'll stand behind pdoc.

[BipolaRNurse]

MM, I can SO relate to what you're feeling right now. There are times I get incredibly frustrated with being on so many meds and still having breakthrough mood episodes plus anxiety, that I want to simply chuck it all and start over again. The only reason I don't do it is that I really DON'T want to start over again, and who knows how effin' crazy I'd be if I didn't have the meds? That scares me worse than the current situation!

Like you, I've told people to thump me on the head if I ever try to take myself off meds or stop seeing my pdoc. Hang in there, hon......don't set yourself back.

[venusss]

Eh, if you feeling crap... your precious meds ain't working. "I would be EVEN worse without 'em" could be easily lying to yourself. Sometimes less meds, even no meds is the win. But it's not about throwing your pills away... it's about working hard on yourself. Be honest with yourself. Learn to ground when things get hard.

Being out of it isn't end of things if you know how to sail through. Episodes pass... but you need a battle plan. Without it, you are simply running into a mine field.