[gayleggg]

I'm severly depressed again today, to the point I get real stressed if I have to make any decision. I can't cope with anything out of the norm. Just barely able to focus to do my work. I feel really empty and cold inside. Really struggling not to crawl under my desk and hide.

[Phoenix_1]

I still feel blah. Not happy & not sad, just blah. I'm not motivated to go out or do anything. My sleep is getting bad - I'm waking up about once an hour all night. Yuck. I can't believe it's 7 days before Christmas. I just don't feel like Christmas at all. I have a big trip planned but I'm not excited at all. I'm going to my daughter's and on the 27th we're going to a ski resort in the Rockies. I just can't get excited about any of it. Blah.

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[Cyclowolf]

Didn't take my meds to make my sleep because yesterday right after I took them I felt ill as Hell , now I'm back to insomniac PCing . I'll take sleeplessness over how ill I felt yesterday, any day. Feeling stable right now, but that's probably the fake Hypomanic feeling, we shall see. I don't really feel any one way right now, just kind of blank.

[Pikku Myy]

Trying really hard not to loose it................

[kala83]

my depression is super super bad right now....really low feeling really horrible just really hating myself a lot.

afraid to be around other cause I know they will notice and they will ask whats wrong and I don't feel like being that person that people are freaking out over and worry about cause they got issues too.

I am not the only one with issues.

[Moreta]

I went to see my GP this morning, so I could have my cholesterol checked. Fun times. They actually got me on the first stick though. I have horrible veins. I also got my flu shot finally.

I need to figure out a way to get motivated to clean the house. Cause my husband is mad that I haven't started yet. I cleaned out the fridge yesterday, but that's not enough.

[bumble2u]

My alcohol councillor called crisis on me. Ccrisi was really not helpful. My thougys are al over, my insides are empty. I have decided to leave befor i cause anymore damage. Just got to straighten things out so there's no mess. Got enough food in so they won't starve. Will do a final clean. I got all i need . My appreciation toall that could understand my garbled self. Fiunally i can be calm, finally it makes sense and there will be peace.

Well just had a realisation! I didnt sleep well last night at all, then slept in and messed up my morning routine, didnt want to take my meds, didnt want to eat or go outside (still havent been outside). Felt really low, extremely tired, no motivation or energy for much. I put it down to the PMDD, but now I realise it was a full moon last night. I forget how much that can affect me. The last 4 months it has co-insided with the PMDD cycle. No wonder it has been worse lately!! I forget how much the moon affects me, now I am putting it in my mood journal as well so I can see. There is a definite pattern. I feel like this is a huge realisation and explaination of why I go to such extremes. Working more towards discovering what affects me in the journey to keep stable.

[bronzeowl]

Thought about checking in in the depression board, but I don't know. It didn't feel... right? this time. Or something like that. Been MIA for a while. Just haven't felt sociable. This past week I've been... I don't know. I can't explain it.Elated? For lack of a better term. I go from not wanting to sleep/feeling like I don't even need to, to just all around exhaustion. But I'm not depressed. I haven't stared that beast in the face yet this month. Which is odd, because well, it's December. Have had a lot of thoughts going through my head. Have written a lot of them down. I have only barely managed to remember to take my pills the past few days.

Saw my psychologist today and unlike the past several times, I managed to speak. Wasn't even entirely sure what I was saying or why I was saying it, but I spoke. And quite frankly and honestly, too. Mixed feelings there. At least some stuff is out in the open now. I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow, though. Which I am dreading. Not sure I can afford an upped dosage or anything added. We're behind in rent. We need to come up with 700 bucks by... tomorrow. I can't afford more meds. I am literally barely scraping by. I am currently rambling and I have no idea why. I totally forgot my point.

All I know is that it is 4:30 AM. I have an appointment tomorrow, but I can't sleep. And I don't know what to think about anything at the moment. But it's a decent feeling. A strange, decent feeling.

1 week to go and all this christmas crap will be over!. (sorry to those that like christmas)

but seriously, really struggling.. it's hard enough not having support from family and friends (especially this time of year) but to bee constantly told.... oh, be cheerfull, it's christmas, oh... i can seriously snap at someone soon!

oh yeah, and did i mention about my beloved radio atlantis?

the stream's moved to another server.. and will anyone help me find it?. will they heck... it's like talking to a wall

Originally Posted by bumble2u

My alcohol councillor called crisis on me. Ccrisi was really not helpful. My thougys are al over, my insides are empty. I have decided to leave befor i cause anymore damage. Just got to straighten things out so there's no mess. Got enough food in so they won't starve. Will do a final clean. I got all i need . My appreciation toall that could understand my garbled self. Fiunally i can be calm, finally it makes sense and there will be peace.

Please stay safe, bumble2u

Feel good that I connected with an old friend who has bipolar disorder by stopping at her place to visit this morning. Virtual friends are great, but actually sitting down with another with this illness was really valuable.

Still trying to stay upbeat/positive about taking the full-time job that I think may be offered to me after the first of the year.

[Pikku Myy]

Good and happy today

[ChemicalNerd]

Moodwise, incredibly irritable. Feeling down and feel like I'm slipping into a depressed state. Couldn't be bothered with anything, just want to be left alone.

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[bronzeowl]

Not a good day. Which is making me extremely irritable. Went off earlier. Luckily, I was here alone. So I didn't say anything to anyone that I'd regret later. Just beat up a few walls and stubbed my toe. Missed my appointment by 30 minutes. Only available slot was Monday. At 8 in the freaking morning. I have to go, because I'll be out of meds by then. Just lovely. Sister thought it would be a bright idea to take my brother to the DMV before my appointment. It irritated me. The DMV is always busy, and the one in our town has employees that would rather chatter than pay attention to anyone. At least the one in the city here has employees that like to do their job. Feeling aggravated. Just one of those days.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm still extremely depressed but I think I can make it till my next appointment. I was able to take a shower today (I've been really struggling with doing that lately). I got a Christmas card from a family friend which was very thoughtful, just the card itself was great but it also had some money in it. Tomorrow I'm going to use the money for lunch and to buy a few word find puzzle books. They are usually a great coping skill for me. Hopefully I can use those to get through the next few weeks to my appointment.

Depressed.

[tigersassy]

Doing good. Still really up seroquel is knocking me out at night but it's only day 2 with it. I'm only taking it at night until tomorrow I'm supposed to take it twice a day and I'm searching for a psychiatrist thats covered by I insurance. Lucky for me I've got someone who does that. I don't know if I like the way the seroquel makes me feel in the morning really groggy that is. But maybe that means I'm slowing down.... Slowly.

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[Moreta]

Well I took an adderall today, so I could get motivated, then went and slept 3 hrs....lol. Looking forward to going to church tomorrow b/c we're doing an ornament swap.

[redfaux]

Having a hard day see its icy outside and I was canceled on by the mother of my boy friend because she didnt feel up to it. She showed up at my house with him the other day and was so adamant on me coming over. I have since learned its because he told her I'm bipolar (I feel like a gay man being outted ) and now she treats me like a wounded animal and she canceled on me. Monday were going to see a play and Christmas I'm supposed to spend time with his family. I feel like I'm drowning and I can't help him to understand this.

[Rzay4]

I'm mellow, first day out of the psych ward. Been in and out for 26 days total, two hospitals.

[Phoenix_1]

I still can't get into the Christmas spirit. I don't care about my trip. I just feel blah. I wish the blahs would go away. If this is what it feels to be stable I don't like it one bit.

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[Blue_Bird]

Still feeling extremely depressed, wishing I was dead. 15 more days until my appointment, seems like forever away. Trying to avoid going to the hospital again, already went 5 or 6 months ago.

Found out this weekend I have basically been sick for almost 2 months, I started with depression at the very end of Oct/ first of Nov, mid Nov I got an ear infection where I took antibiotics for 3 weeks and in taking those antibiotics I acquired a serious stomach infection that sent me to ER and I just found out about so taking different antibiotics for starting this wknd. Its been rough and hard to feel into the holidays. Which I have to make a good holiday because my older son is being assigned to an army base in Italy in January and wont be home for holidays again for 3 years. I'm hoping once my tummy feels better the rest of me will too.

[tigersassy]

Anger is rising in me and I'm scared of it. If it continues to grow it could be very bad..... trying to think happy thoughts.

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